


Twice Over

by LadyLacerta



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Age Difference, F/M, Post-Hogwarts, Time Travel, Time Turner (Harry Potter), also there is a pregnancy loss in here so if thats not ya thang dont read, listen folks I'm just trying to change things up a bit lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-07-19
Packaged: 2020-01-06 23:41:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 66
Words: 68,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18398735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyLacerta/pseuds/LadyLacerta
Summary: Hermione thought the war was well over. She divorced, changed careers, moved on with her life... Until a workplace accident sent her back to the heat of things. Despite knowing better, she couldn't stop herself from breaking her own rules.





	1. Chapter 1

_I can’t go through this. Not again._

Hermione paced around the room, studying the titles of the tomes stacked by the walls.

It wasn’t too late. She could still let him go, let the events run their natural course and fuck off to a distant country to never emerge again.

Alas…

She could not.

“Is this my living room? Did you just kidnap me to my own house? How do you even know where I live?”

Hermione laughed, without a single drop of humor in her.

“I know many things about you, Severus Snape.”

She turned on her heels and went to sit at the armchair she rearranged to face the young man bound to a chair. He wasn’t gagged — she should have thought about it before he woke up.

 _Very_ young man.

“How old are you?”

“Didn’t you know many things about me?”

“ _Answer the question_.” Hermione said through gritted teeth.

Though her wand was out of sight, her snap talked some sense into him. He was bound, wandless, under the mercy of a strange woman who did knock him out of his senses without a sweat.

“Twenty.”

Correction: under the mercy of a strange woman double his age.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always reply to comments but I'm in a bit of a time crunch. If I update and haven't replied a comment from a chapter back it's bc I'm busy w uni and stuff!!

Hermione leaned her back on the armchair — his armchair, no doubt — and stared a dead man in the face. The younger version of a man that died over two decades ago, in her time.

“I brought you here because I need a favor. Well, two favors.”

“An odd way to request help, if you ask me.”

“It seemed like the most efficient way to stop you from leaking the prophecy to Voldemort.” Hermione said, and Snape flinched at the name. “Isn’t that what you were going to do?”

“I wasn’t—”

“Spare me. I know everything. Chosen one, special powers, born in late July, yada yada?”

She had spent the last thirty-six or so hours staking out at Hog’s Head Inn. She stole quite the large sum of money from various people on her way out of the Ministry, to buy some clothes, food, a few other utilities, and get a room.

Fixing her spanking new time-travelling apparatus who failed on her hardcore seemed like a task that would take more than the time she’d take stopping Snape from leaking the prophecy.

She wasn’t going to, really. She planned on turning herself in to the time-travelling section of the Department of Mysteries, where she worked — or would work, in the future. But it was late at night, when she showed up.

A calendar left on top of the desk that’d be hers changed her course. Without it, she wouldn’t have known the leak was going to happen in less than two days. Well, not before being watched by the Ministry and in a much more difficult position to meddle with key events.

Hermione saw the chance, took it, and when she caught Aberforth kicking Snape out…

She took the chance again.

“Are you with the Order of the Phoenix?”

His voice sounded more high-pitched than what she recalled. Then again, it had been a long while, her memories could be playing tricks on her.

Besides, Hermione creeped him out, and he had not yet grown into his full deadpan effect. His face was an open book: his thin lips were pressed tight against each other, the muscles of his jaw twitching under pale skin smooth as a baby bottom, his eyes open a bit too wide.

He was perhaps half an inch shorter, too, and ten pounds lighter. Worked in Hermione’s favor, since she had to drag his unconscious body to his house — she had searched for his address in the several hours preceding Trelawney’s prophecy.

“Not quite. Which is why I’m doing all this. I’m going to ask you two things: not to leak the prophecy, and I also want you to relay some news to Dumbledore.”

Now, Snape wasn’t going to leak the prophecy, but Pettigrew still could. Considering how secretive Dumbledore was, and how Harry wouldn’t be born in a few months, it could be that she had time on that front.

Either way, there was a mole in the Order and Hermione wanted it out.

“And why can’t you go ahead and tell Dumbledore yourself? You two clearly have similar motives.”

Hermione swallowed dry.

She hadn’t thought about it.

She hadn’t thought about what she was doing to do, penniless and without any documentation.

Being honest with herself, she wanted to avoid Dumbledore and his secrets like the plague. Nothing really guaranteed her he wouldn’t think it was for the best to leak the prophecy anyway. He had played such life and death games before, with Harry.

Nothing really guaranteed her he’d deal with Pettigrew the way the coward deserved.

Relaying the news through Snape seemed more fitting in her head, then again the actual ideal scenario was for Dumbledore not to be involved at all.

“Well, fine. Then I need you not to leak the prophecy and help me kidnap someone.”

“Someone _else_.” Snape corrected her. “And why would I do all of that?”

Hermione smacked her lips together and drew a deep, deep breath.

“First, because I kidnapped you. Secondly, you should know a certain Lily Potter is four months pregnant. A pregnancy lasts nine months. Do the math, Snape.”

Which he did, pretty quick, and his face blanched. He spewed out what he’d rather believe in:

“She’s not pregnant. You’re lying to me.”  

“Don’t kid yourself. She’s married. And when a man and a woman love each other very much, they give a very special hug—”

“Enough!”

“So because of that, you won’t leak the prophecy.” Hermione said. “And you’ll help me kidnap Peter Pettigrew because he’s a mole in the Order, and if you won’t leak the prophecy, he will in a few months. Besides overall just being a safety hazard for everyone in the Order of the Phoenix, which includes Lily.”

She didn’t think it’d be that easy to convince Snape. Or maybe she did think that but was shocked to see it for herself. As Hermione knew, if he had leaked the prophecy, he would have gone to Dumbledore and beg.

He went from being scared for himself to being downright frightened for Lily — he lost his cool entirely, not even bothering to deny she mattered to him.

Ah, to be young, stupid, and in love.

Worked in Hermione’s favor, though. Dumbledore wasn’t as invested in Harry being alive as he could be, but Snape could be persuaded to care. Or at least do his best towards that Harry being alive, despite not caring.

James Potter would have to fend for himself, unfortunately.

“Who are you?” he asked, not doubting any of her words anymore. “How do you know all of this? Where do you know me from? Were you a teacher at Hogwarts?”

Hermione had to belt a laugh, that almost slipped into hysteria.

“No, I wasn’t a teacher at Hogwarts. Though I suppose if I were, I could have taught you.” In her time, Snape was twenty or so years older than her… Then it became the contrary. “You can call me Hermione. You don’t need to know more than that. But you’ll see what I’m saying is true once Pettigrew is dealt with. Will you help me, or shall I keep you tied to that chair while I go do that on my own?”

Snape pursed his lips in a sneer and said, finally, at a small voice:

“I’ll help.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I replied to some comments now but there are still a few bc I'm a idiot sandwich, but I've read them, loved them and I'll get back at them at some point. In the meantime, enjoy a new chapter!

Severus thought that maybe, just maybe, he shouldn’t have taken the words of a deranged woman at face value. Then again, despite being a stranger, she knew exactly what buttons to push to get him to cooperate with her plan.

And she was right about two things: Severus being willing to do anything to keep Lily safe, and the fact the Order of the Phoenix had a leak. Not a very useful one, though, so it didn’t bother Severus too much.

Despite everything, he thought Lily would be fine.

Hermione — whoever the hell she was — stood up, said “good”, and went to the kitchen. Severus couldn’t quite pinpoint her age; older than she looked, given the gray hairs peppering her brown mane. Her russet skin didn’t betray a thing on that regard, and she clearly hadn’t grown much past the age of twelve.

How a woman not a centimeter above five feet and a hundred pounds on a good day managed to knock him out, that was a mystery. And why was he still tied in his living room when there was a strange woman of unidentified age and origin messing around his fridge, was another question.

At some point, Hermione decided to walk back with a bottle of butterbeer and a sandwich on a plate.

“Did you just go through my _food_?”

“The least you can do to repay me for stopping you from making the worst mistake of your life.” She said. “Second only to becoming a Death Eater in the first place. I’d like to have something in my stomach before taking Pettigrew out.”

“Now?”

She shrugged, taking a bite of her sandwich and sighing as if that had been her first bite of food in days.

“Why wait? Besides, there’s something else I need to ask.”

Severus rolled his eyes. His back and shoulders grew sore from having his hands tied behind the chair.

“Could you _please_ untie me first, then?”

“Ha, nice try. I know you can do wandless magic.”

He had tried to undo the ropes when she had her back turned to him. He only spoke after failing spectacularly at it — the wards placed were too strong for him to get rid of without speaking and without a wand.

“Who are you?” he said, almost in a beg. “How do you all of this about me?”

“Listen, you’re in no position of making any demands here.”

“Then I’m not helping.” Severus tried.

“I don’t need your help. And while I’d rather not do that, I think I could pry what I want out of you, so you either cooperate with me or you stay here until… Well, I’ll have to think about that.”

She ate in silence for a while.

Severus was going out of mind in the meantime. He couldn’t recall her name, or the face, and couldn’t even be sure the things she was saying were facts. He supposed he’d find out once they had Pettigrew, though by any means Hermione at least believed the things she were saying to be true.

Enough of it was indeed true that Severus couldn’t discard the possibility that the rest of it was, as well.

“Did Regulus Black disappear yet? Sirius’ little brother? He’s a Death Eater, right?”

“Death Eaters wear masks and hoods for a reason.”

“Then that’s another thing to ask Pettigrew. He might know.”

“Why does it matter?”

“For now, it doesn’t. But it will matter very soon.”

“When you plan on starting make sense?”

“I don’t plan on it.” Hermione replied and tipped the bottle of beer to Severus before taking a sip. “Do you know where Pettigrew lives?”

“Not a clue.”

“And Lily?”

“I haven’t exactly been stalking her.” Severus said through gritted teeth.

“I figured. You would have known she’s pregnant otherwise.” A sigh. “We’re off to a good start.”

He honestly could not see it. See Lily, pregnant, married. His mind couldn’t process that — his heart, rather. With Potter, of all people. And he would have put her in grave danger that night.

If it weren’t for Hermione.

But he still needed to know for sure if the pregnancy was real… Or, at least, get out of his binds. The only way to achieve that seemed to be by cooperating with his captor.

“How come you don’t know where Pettigrew lives?”

“If I knew everything, I wouldn’t be here, now would I, Snape?”

Severus paused at the way she said his name, rolling off her lips as if she had spoken it a thousand times before.

“Tell me one thing. Just one.”

“What is it?”

“Have we met?”

Hermione weighed her words carefully for the next couple of moments.

“I have met you, but this is the first time you meet me.”

“Seems like this is the most sense I’ll get out of you.”

“I’m afraid so.”

She finished her food and put the plate aside, while leaning on the armchair again, this time nursing the butterbeer, her gaze distant as her mind was lost in thought… Until she snapped back into reality.

“We can make him come here. He has a Dark Mark.”

“Excuse me?”

“I can use your Dark Mark to fake a summoning and get him to come here.”

Severus narrowed his gaze at her.

“You’re out of your mind.”

“No, I’m not. The Dark Mark is just an adapted Protean Charm. And Voldemort doesn’t have one himself. He summons Death Eaters using the mark of whoever happens to be around, so technically someone else could do it, too. Namely, me, on your Dark Mark, to deliver Pettigrew at this very door.”

This was one of the many things Hermione said that sounded like an outrageous lie but might as well be true.

“And you would have the proper skills to do so?”

Hermione snorted.

“You haven’t seen _half_ of what I can do.”

“Won’t the Dark Lord know someone has been tampering with his Dark Marks?”

“Not if you’re lucky.” Was her reply. “Don’t worry, I’ll be careful. I need you alive and in one piece to see this all through.”

“See _what_ through?”

“Voldemort’s demise, of course. Why do you think I’m here?”


	4. Chapter 4

“Don’t try anything funny,” Hermione warned him as she vanished all the ropes and the wards.

Snape moved his arms arounds and rolled his wrists, looking very cross, and at the same time, very harmless. He was angry, though he wasn’t going to do anything about it besides pouting and moaning because Hermione had the upper hand in so many different ways.

“What happens if Pettigrew doesn’t have a Dark Mark?”

“Well, then he won’t show up, will he? But, trust me, he will. I think maybe the kitchen table is the best place for dealing with this.”

Spinner’s End looked very much like a place inhabited by an introverted hermit. The books everywhere, the dusty dining room, which haven’t seen guests or even people in ages. He seemed to go from the kitchen to the living room to his room upstairs and nothing else.

The kitchen table was the cleanest surface.

Hermione sat down, and said:

“I need to see your arm. The one with the Dark Mark, obviously.”

Snape pursed his lips and unbuttoned his frock coat — the robes he wore then were the same he’d wear at Hogwarts, simple, practical and sturdy —, then rolled one of his sleeves as he sat down, resting his arm on the table.

The sight of the Dark Mark didn’t bother Hermione anymore. She went through it all once, and would do it again, this time with a step-by-step guide on how to do it and a few less difficulties to deal with. For one, Harry wouldn’t be an horcrux.

What came up instead was curiosity. The Protean Charm caused a physical burn on the skin, henceforth the Dark Mark was a burn scar. Snape’s was recent, still, the pale skin of his arm reddened, raised.

He flinched when Hermione traced it with her fingertips.

“Does it hurt at all?”

“No.” he replied. “But did you have to touch it?”

“Was it worth it?” Hermione said, ignoring his question. “Going through this pain? Why did you decide to put yourself through this?”

Snape looked away, with a pout. It seemed a very logical decision not to become a Death Eater, but even someone smart like him could be immature, and thoughtless. He didn’t think. He didn’t know why he did it. He didn’t understand the cruelty and the human lives at stake.

And he was starting to see the error of his ways.

He said nothing because there was nothing to say.

Hermione started working on the enchantments for the Dark Mark. Golder and silver strands of magic wrapped around Snape’s arm; mostly she started by assessing what type of magic was in it.

The Mark, as she thought, was a layer of different spells implementing and enhancing one another. There was the Protean charm, but also a ward so no one else but Voldemort could use the Marks — Hermione was going to see about that — and a direction charm so when summoned people could apparate to where Voldemort wanted them to go.

None of which was truly undoable.

It felt moreso as if no one dared to try and tamper with the Marks, which for certain Voldemort relied upon to make them work. Igor Karkaroff had made it so that the summoning wouldn’t reach him; for sure he managed to break the Protean Charm. Not a hard task, actually, considering the charm was taught for children.

Now, tampering with the wards and trying to locate a very specific person was a bit more complex. To Hermione, though, tampering, bypassing and breaking spells was all but a game. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have fit in so well in the Department of Mysteries after deciding Law Enforcement wasn’t for her, after fifteen years.

With a final enchantment, all the glowing strands dug into Snape’s Dark Mark, slithering underneath it and taking their place, their glimmer vanishing. It looked no different to the eye, which was what Hermione wanted.

“Did it work? I’ve been sitting still for an hour.” Snape said, not looking very convinced.

“We shall see.”

Hermione touched the Mark with the tip of her wand, and it went jet black as Voldemort himself had touched it. A smug smile curled the corners of her lips upwards, while Snape’s eyes widened in shock.

“How—”

“I’ll show you how later. And I think I may be able to vanish the Dark Mark completely. The physical scar is going to stay behind, with no magic in it. Right now, it is as if you have two Marks on top of each other.”

“And now?”

“Now I’m going to summon Pettigrew.”

Hermione learned that people left signatures in their magic, and with that, they could be tracked. The Mark gave access to many people, most of which Hermione didn’t know of, however Pettigrew’s magic was easy to spot. It was a feeling, a tug.

She put together the summoning with the address on Spinner’s End and put away her wand.

“Alright, before he comes, you need to know he turns into a rat and may use that to escape once he realizes it wasn’t Voldemort who called him.”

“He’s an animagus?”

“Yes, he is, and he isn’t exactly discreet about it, either. Not his friends, at least. Wormtail…?”

“And what Padfoot is supposed to mean, then?”

“Dog. Prongs is because a deer has antlers and Moony… Well, Lupin is a werewolf. As you know because you’ve had the chance of meeting him during full moon.”

Snape rested his back on the chair.

“You taught at Hogwarts. What was it? Divination? Couldn’t be Divination, you’re too skilled. Is there a subject in Hogwarts I’m not aware of?”

“First of all, Snape, that is very rude to say.” Though Hermione agreed. “Secondly, no, I was never a teacher at Hogwarts.”

“You couldn’t have been a student. How old are you even?”

“I’m forty, so you’re right, I wasn’t a student.”

“You’re _forty_?” Snape exclaimed, dumbfounded.

Hermione made a dismissive gesture with her hand. She had no qualms with her age; she didn’t dye her hair and the only thing she did that could prevent skin aging was wearing sunscreen and moisturizer.

Then again, she did not look like what most people envisioned forty-years-old women to look like, all withered and dull. Hell, she at twenty-years-old would never think she’d look that good. She never felt healthier or happier with her looks.

“You can’t be forty.” He decided.

“Funny that from everything I told you so far, this is what you don’t believe in.”

“Well, Pettigrew hasn’t arrived yet, so I’m not entirely convinced your summoning worked, eith—”

A knock on the front door interrupted Snape.


	5. Chapter 5

Severus thought himself to be trapped in a fever dream, though fever nightmare might be a more suitable term to describe the last three hours of his day. And if the knock on the door told him something, was that it was all far from being over.

At first, he thought he’d humor this very strange woman that parachuted into his life. Now the hairs in the back of his neck stood on end. Was Peter Pettigrew really a Death Eater?

Was a Death Eater so close to Lily all along? For months, even years?

Hermione took the lead towards the living room, dimming all the lights to immerse the ambient in shadows. Severus saw no other option but following her, in equal silence.

“I’m going to open the door.” she whispered, standing hidden in the darkness, on the opposite end of the room to where the door was, Severus right behind her. “And you’ll close it after he’s inside. I’ll deal with him but watch for a rat.”

Could still be someone else knocking on the door.

Though Severus knew it couldn’t be. No one ever did.

The door creaked open, inch by inch. Severus couldn’t see much at first: the figure was backlit from the streetlights, in hood and a Death Eater mask, but it was short, stubby, much like Peter Pettigrew.

Severus hesitated a moment from the shock.

“Snape, now!”

That snapped him into acting and locking the door with as many wards as he could remember. Hermione had lit up the lights in the meantime, casting the same magical ropes that had bound him not long ago. The man in the Death Eater robes squirmed and started to grow small.

“You will _not_ do that right now.” Hermione exclaimed through her teeth and whatever spell she used, it stopped Pettigrew from finishing the transformation.

Well, the Death Eater was still masked, but Severus became sure of his identity.

Casual, Hermione did to Pettigrew the same she did to him earlier. Tied the rat to the chair, and stood back a step, short of breath. Severus’ couch was nowhere to be seen, only his armchair and his books.

He hoped she hadn’t vanished it.

“Just so we are clear… How many people have you kidnapped in your lifetime?”

“Quite a few.” she replied. “I’ve been alive for a while now. Shall I do the honors, or do you want to do it?”

Remove the mask, she meant. Severus shook his head in negative. He almost didn’t want to know. Because if so, then the possibility of Hermione being right about Lily being pregnant, with the birth due to the same time as the prophecy would shoot up high.

“Well, fine.”

Hermione stepped forward and took the mask off with a violent gesture.

Severus held his breath. She was right.

Peter Pettigrew _was_ a Death Eater.

“How did you know this?”

“You know I’m not going to answer…”

And after that, Hermione slapped Pettigrew hard across the face, with a force Severus didn’t think a person her size could muster. That made the brand-new victim wake up with a pained moan.

“My… My Lord?”

“The Dark Lord isn’t here, Pettigrew.”

“Who… Who are you?” His eyes shot everywhere, and then landed on Severus. That made him somewhat relieved. “Sniv… Snape? Is that you? What kind of… Prank is this? Some sort of Death Eater initiation?”

The familiarity made Severus’ eye twitch. He supposed he had been buddies with Pettigrew all along, except he didn’t know it yet. Now he did. He fidgeted the wand in his hand, wondering what he should do.

He swallowed dry.

“What now?” he asked of Hermione.

“He’s all yours. Well, not yet. I need to know something from him first.”

“I… I’ll tell you anything you need to know! Just don’t hurt me! Please…” Pettigrew sniveled.

“I don’t remember saying you could speak, you useless rat!” Hermione said to him, her glare sharp as steel, as was her tone of voice.

Severus hadn’t been afraid of her until that moment. Maybe because she hadn’t truly meant to hurt or do anything to him; if she wanted to, she could. The same kindness wasn’t extended to Pettigrew.

He took a step back from her, without noticing.

Hermione took a deep breath and turned to Severus.

“Listen, I assume you want to make sure what I’ve said so far is true, and he’s all yours for you to take the information from him. I don’t care how, but whatever you do, don’t kill him. You don’t want that on your record. And I wouldn’t hurt him too badly if I were you. Unless you want to play nurse, which I highly doubt.”

Pettigrew kept crying, and sniveling and mumbling empty promises to save the skin of his neck. How did such a person become a Gryffindor?

“Of course.” Severus replied.

“Good.” And Hermione’s attention was back at Pettigrew. “Has Sirius spoken about his little brother recently?”

“Why does that—”

“It’s none of your business. Answer my question.”

“Regulus disappeared last year. Padf— Sirius got a letter from his uncle asking about the kid.”

Hermione tilted her head.

“Okay. That helps. I’ll leave you to Snape now.”

She turned on her heels and went to the door. Severus leaped from his spot and held her back by the arm:

“You’re leaving?”

She shook off his grip, brows creased.

“Why would I stay? You’ll keep Pettigrew here, I sure hope, because you’ll see I’m right. And he answered my question. I don’t need to stay.”

“I’ll keep Pettigrew _here_?” Severus said, recalling her talk about playing nurse. “Can’t you keep him in your house? Or a ditch somewhere?”

“Listen, I just saved your neck. And I don’t want to babysit Pettigrew, so… It’s on you.”

Somehow the idea of Hermione vanishing in the wind didn’t sit right. She couldn’t just come, do all of this, and leave.

But Severus could not stop her.

“At least… At least tell me where I can find you.”

Hermione raised her chin.

“I’ll be at the Hog’s Head Inn for tonight. I will come back in the morning to make sure you didn’t kill Pettigrew after all. If I know your temper, you’ll want to.”

He still didn’t like it. He didn’t know if she was lying about it, if she’d never return after all, off to do whatever her mission was. He didn’t even know her full name.

Trying to save himself some of his dignity, he said:

“Fine.”

“Have fun.” Hermione said, and left, breezing through his strongest wards.

He forgot to ask her about the couch.


	6. Chapter 6

Hermione was in deep shit.

She dropped herself on the lumpy mattress of her room at the Hog’s Head Inn, knowing that after paying for her couple of nights stay, she’d be virtually penniless. She had all but a change of clothes, and some very basic toiletries — her hair was put up in a bun, though it’d have to be washed very soon, and she couldn’t find a decent shampoo for a natural hair like hers in the regular stores she visited.

How long did she plan on thieving about to survive?

After the horcruxes were all hunt down, and Voldemort was gone, what would she do?

Returning to her timeline became an impossibility. Hermione Granger would be considered deceased in her world, one of the many time travelers to vanish.

Though her experience at least proved her theory right. Despite all time-turners being destroyed, research about time-travelling continued, and with it, after years and many calculations, Hermione reached the conclusion that time was a road with many forks.

Time travelers vanished because whenever they went back and change something in the past, they created a fork, and their timelime deviated from the one they originally left. That was also why traveling to the past was possible, and to the future was a very strenuous task no one bothered with.

How could an apparatus decide which turns were the right ones? How could one know which future they “belonged” to?

By handing Pettigrew over to Snape, Hermione had created a fork on the road and would no longer be able to return. She knew it all along. If travelling an hour to the future backfired, going forward forty years in time was not feasible within her remaining life time.

Since she was stuck, might as well create a nicer timeline for herself to live in.

One without the war, where another Hermione Granger would be born in a peaceful time. Where Harry Potter would not know the grief of losing his parents.

The thought of being stranded didn’t bother her too much. She left nothing behind. Not a husband, not children, not even close friends — as her friendship with Harry took a nosedive after the divorce.

Maybe there was a future in which Hermione Granger got it all, but it wasn’t the one she left.

The certainty of having made the right decision despite the grim outlook lulled her to a deep slumber, to wake only with the sun rays hitting her face from the small cracks on the window, and the birds singing outside.

She sat up on the bed and stretched — her back couldn’t take it too well sleeping in lumpy mattresses anymore —, and then…

 _Snape_.

She shouldn’t have left him alone.

Not that she cared much if Pettigrew lived or died, but it rather seemed like killing Pettigrew would be another regrettable mistake on Snape’s part. It would also seem that a suicide wasn’t too out of the books, either, considering what Harry told on his post-mortem trial.

Hermione needed the time to be alone and settle in with her situation, however not to the point of sleeping in and leaving Snape unattended to throw a major temper tantrum in which he could seriously harm himself.

In a hurry, she left the inn, leaving her payment on the unattended counter before storming off to Spinner’s End.

Snape answered the door on the first knock and his state could only be described as deplorable. Like Hermione, he still wore the same clothes from the night before, but unlike her, he hadn’t slept.

“Smart.” She commented upon seeing Pettigrew petrified and with all limbs attached on the chair. Literally petrified.

“I thought you wouldn’t come.”

“I said I’d come in the morning. What time is it?”

“Half past eleven.”

With that, he went over to the armchair as if his knees were giving up under his body, and he placed his head on his hands, leaned forward, his long locks obscuring his face.

Good thing Hermione promised to come — and did come still in good time. He wasn’t going to make it past noon without doing drastic. His breath was slow, shallow, as if he had been physically gutted.

She didn’t need to ask anything to know he had gotten his confirmation about Lily…

And, wow, she didn’t think him to be able of being so tender. In a certain future, even his anger would run cold. If Snape hadn’t steeled himself against his own feelings, he wouldn’t live to die at thirty-eight. No one would be able to live with such guilt.

But the Snape agonizing before Hermione didn’t commit the same mistakes. He didn’t need to grow numb to live with it, for it was all a would-be scenario, though perhaps a purpose was sorely needed.

She sat on the armrest beside him, pressing her lips together, unsure of what to do. Her plans didn’t include his presence though leaving him like that seemed way too cruel. She placed a hand on his shoulder and said:

“Okay, listen…” Snape let out a dry sob, a sound to indicate he was listening, despite the despair. “You made a huge mistake. I think you know this. However, you didn’t leak the prophecy, Lily is safe, and I don’t think wallowing in mistakes you _didn’t_ commit is going to help you with the mistake you did make. You can’t undo it, but you can fix it.”

“How?”

Hermione exhaled a soft sigh. She didn’t count on babysitting Snape as well as hunting for the horcruxes, though having a Death Eater on her corner, and one as committed to the cause as he, couldn’t hurt.

“Help me defeat Voldemort.” She said, with a squeeze on his shoulder. “And not… Not just because Lily is still in danger as long as the war is ongoing. It’s the right thing to do. And now is the perfect time to get started.”

He took a deep breath and stood up.

“Fine. What do you want me to do?”

Hermione wondered when exactly Snape stopped being so agreeable.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys. I'm so bad at keeping up with the replies to the comments. I am so so sorry. I try to answer each and every one but I'm swamped with uni stuff. I write fanfic to chill out and so I post it, but I haven't had the time to go through my inbox. I read them all, though!! And I'll reply once I have more time! c:

“That’s all? Train occlumency?”

“Well, yeah!” Hermione retorted. “I do have a plan, but for one it now involves you pretending being loyal to Voldemort. Secondly, I can’t risk him going through your memories and knowing what I plan to do. That you know I exist at all is risky enough.”

“I’ve already mastered Occlumency.” Severus said, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“Then do it again. I don’t want you to do anything for now except keeping your eyes peeled. Now that Pettigrew is out of the picture, and you didn’t leak the prophecy, there’s time to put things on motion. Quite a few steps need some extensive planning, which I can’t do until I have resolved a few personal matters.”

“What personal matters could be more important than this?”

“Not more important, but definitely more urgent.” Hermione replied, standing from the armrest.

Severus became accustomed to all the secrecy and the riddles. Now that he no longer thought she was mildly insane — she was right, about everything —, it felt to him he missed a vital piece of information to make sense of everything.

Which, _fine_.

His Occlumency wasn’t as air tight as he preferred. Perhaps it was better for her to keep things to herself. Still, he couldn’t stop his curiosity.

Thinking about Hermione meant he wasn’t thinking about Lily and the memories he saw on Pettigrew’s mind. He never felt more pathetic, lonely and heartbroken in his life, to see her married, married to Potter, her stomach growing rounder each passing memory. She was happy, so happy, with a golden band on her ring finger, being the doting wife to a troublemaker husband.

Part of the heartbreak came from not recognizing her anymore.

And yet…

She had been his only true friend.

He wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he had put her in life-threatening peril. And for stopping him from doing just that, and making sure Lily was safe, his gratitude to Hermione could not be measured.

“Perhaps I can be of use on that front?” he offered. Hermione regarded him with a raised brow, skeptical. “You know you’ve made me a great favor last night.”

“I don’t think it’s anything you can help me with.” she replied, at last.

“Whatever you say. Where I can find you if I learn anything relevant? Are you still staying at Hog’s Head Inn?”

“Well, about that… No. Trust me, I’d love to take Pettigrew to my place instead of leaving him here with you, however I still have to decide where I will be staying. I’ll let you know when I solve that problem.”

Severus took a deep breath and exhaled. What he was about to do couldn’t be more stupid than all the other things he had done in the past.

“If you hadn’t vanished my couch,” he said. “I could sleep in it and let you have my bedroom.”

Hermione laughed one of her dry, humorless laughs.

“Oh, I am not _ever_ sleeping in your bed,” was her reply. The idea seemed to gross her out in a very deep level. “But I will take the couch which is… Right… Here.”

She put her hand up to her forearm in the front pocket of her jeans — by the way, her clothes were very strange, not once Severus saw a forty-years-old woman wear a pair of jeans so glued to the body — and took out his couch, turned smaller.

Her pockets had been enchanted, for sure.

Within no time, his living room would be restored to its usual layout, with the sole exception of Pettigrew at a corner, his couch back at its regular size.

“Okay, that’s…. A problem off my back, for sure.” She said, looking at her spanking new place to sleep, hands on her hips. “For the time being. I’ll be out of here as soon as humanly possible.”

And she didn’t say it out of fear of overstaying her welcome, but because that development did not please her. Severus had the impression that not only she had met him before, she also disliked him. She didn’t want to be around him more than what was necessary, clearly.

Severus didn’t fancy himself to be a likeable person so no surprises there.

“So, is your problem solved?”

“Not yet. I still have to… Sort out a few things. I’m going to leave now, and I’ll back by nighttime. Don’t do anything stupid.” She warned.

“When did I ever?”

Hermione snorted and left in her usual fashion, which was to say, abruptly.

And as soon as she was gone, Severus went right back at thinking about Lily, the memories he found of her. At least now he had a focus. He could sit and despair or he could go ahead and train Occlumency some more to make sure Voldemort wouldn’t know of his change of plans.

He’d be summoned again at some point. And he also needed to show up to work in the afternoon… Lucius Malfoy had set him up at a shop in Knockturn Alley. Officially, he sold potion ingredients, and unofficially, he brewed all sorts of wicked potions.

But potion brewing didn’t busy his mind with as much efficiency. His mind was elsewhere the entire time, going back and forth between trying to understand Hermione’s riddles, and grieving over the confirmation of his worst nightmares.

He couldn’t quite accept Lily could be so happy in the manner she was. With a husband that sneaked out at night and disappeared with a trace. And he couldn’t quite see people his age being _married_ , either, let alone having children.

At least time went by fast, and he returned home to find a bag opened on his couch. He peered into it and saw women’s clothes in there. Severus went up the stairs. Since the second floor was silent, he thought she had passed by and left again.

He had eaten on his way back, so he went straight to his study — formerly his parents’ bedroom — to get back on his task of refining his Occlumency skills.  

But his plans were hijacked by Hermione again, as she was in the bathroom, in her underwear, one leg propped up in the sink as she shaved her calf, a WalkMan dangling from the band of her panties, as she hummed along to whatever song played on her earphones. And she didn’t mind to close the door because she had been all by herself in the house until a moment ago.

Severus closed the door inch-by-inch, as to not be noticed, his face catching fire because that was the first time he had seen a woman so naked in the flesh.

And Hermione was not unpleasant to look at which meant that glimpse alone was enough to make him rock hard.

He had a shower before leaving to work, but he needed another one.


	8. Chapter 8

Hermione wondered why there weren’t many magic thieves running around the muggle world; it was as easy as taking candy from a baby. She didn’t like stealing and didn’t feel too good after a day of thieving about for clothes and money, though at least no she did so with no difficulties.

Besides, with the sole exception of the Walkman, she took nothing above the necessary.

After arriving at Spinner’s End, though, she couldn’t find it in herself to continue feeling bad about it. Despite not admitting it to herself, Snape offering his place for her to stay had been a huge weight of her back. Saving the wizardry world would not be possible until her housing situation had been sorted out — and without documentation and a source on income, that’d be nigh impossible.

And… It didn’t seem like it’d be that bad. He kept his place clean, for the most part, except for the dust in the rooms he didn’t use. There was a full bathroom in his study — which for sure had been a bedroom before — so she didn’t need to share one with him, thank Merlin.

Snape didn’t spend the whole day in the house, either… When she arrived, Spinner’s End was empty. Walking out of the study, all fresh, a faint showering noise could be heard from down the hallway, meaning he did arrive.

And he was nowhere to be seen for the whole entire evening. Hermione settled herself down to read until she fell asleep on the living room — having hidden Pettigrew in a broom closet —, and could hear him pacing around the study up the stairs, but he didn’t come down. The floors didn’t help much with being silent walking about.

Hence why Snape tiptoeing across the living room early in the morning woke Hermione up. He went to the kitchen and started making coffee, given the smell. She decided to get up at once and go do something outside of the house for the day, so she slipped from underneath her new sheets, stretching her limbs.

It had been her best night of sleep yet, without the worry of not having a roof over her head.

She went into the kitchen, where Snape read something on the table, so absorbed he didn’t hear her coming despite the noisy floorboards. She touched his shoulder to get his attention, and he shuddered away from her.

“Antsy.” Hermione commented, sitting across from him.

Though she wasn’t surprised really. The real surprise was that Snape let her touch and comfort him the day before. Though it worked, and he was more like himself that morning, which meant more skittishness.

“What do you want?” he asked, not raising his eyes from the book.

“Nothing. Just came to say hi. I didn’t see you at all last night. Were you summoned, by any chance?”

“No. I just went to work.”

“Work.” Hermione echoed. “What do you do for a living?”

“I brew potions.”

“Okay. Makes sense. Do you feel any better than you did yesterday?”

“…Yes.”

Hermione could see that. That morning, he acted very much in character. Not really bothering to interact with her, not asking questions or making conversation. That would have made sense for thirty-years-old Snape…

Not for this one, though.

“Did something happen last night? If you were summoned, I need to k—”

“I wasn’t summoned. Nothing happened.”

“You’re just not a morning person, then… Well, you’ll be happy to hear I’ll be out the whole day again, so… No need to worry about my bothersome presence.”

“You’re not _bothering_ me.” Snape retorted.

His gaze finally lifted to hers and his face was at least a couple of shades pinker than his hands.

Oh.

He was just shy.

About sharing a house with a stranger woman. Who didn’t think of changing out of her pajamas, because she thought they were modest enough…

Clearly not.  

“I’m going to change.” she said and slipped out of the kitchen, and upstairs, to get dressed and ready for the day.

Which… She had no idea what to do with herself during that time. Maybe sit somewhere and write down a plan or at least what she could remember on the horcruxes. When she came back down, though, Snape was still in the kitchen, this time sipping a mug of coffee while he read.

She went back in and fixed herself a bowl of cereal. Hesitant, she sat down.

As an offering of peace, Snape asked:

“What do you plan on doing today? Is it anything you can tell me?”

“I’m not doing to do much, just… Plan. And you?”

“Occlumency, of course.”

“If you want my help, I can—”

“No, thank you.” He said in a single gush — nothankyou —, the blush coming back to his cheeks.

He didn’t know it, but he was kind of adorable.

“I could get you a pensieve so you can put aside the memories you don’t want me to see. You don’t have one, do you?”

By get, Hermione meant steal again, but… It was arguably a necessity.

“It isn’t necessary. I can do it on my own.”

Okay then. Hermione ate in silence, then she set herself up to leave for a café and write everything down as not to miss anything.

“Oh, fuck.”

“Snape? Did something happen?”

“Now I’m being summoned.” he replied as he came into the living room. “I should have seen that coming. Pettigrew has been missing for over a day now.”

“And do you think… You’re ready?”

“What other choice do I have? You said it yourself I should pretend to still be loyal to the Dark Lord.”

“Not if it’s going to get you killed! I can vanish the charm!”

Hermione did not want to have to carry the weight of sending Snape to his death that day. Besides, if Voldemort went through his memories, she’d be in a lot of trouble.  

“Yes, and I’d be hunted down. I wouldn’t be able to help at all. I’d have to pretend being dead. I truly don’t have a choice. I will pull it off…” His voice broke. “Somehow.”

She squeezed both of his arms, eyes on his.

“You can do this.”

And she believed in it. Snape went to Dumbledore around that age and did, in fact, pull it off.

“I’m not so certain…” he replied, looking a bit too faint for Hermione’s liking.

“You’ll do it. I was going to leave, but I’m going to wait for you here, and if you don’t come, I’ll go get you.”

That brought some color back to Snape.

“You’ll only find my dead body, but… I’d like to get properly buried, at least.”

With that, he left.

Hermione clutched her heart, sorely hoping it wouldn’t be the last time she’d see him alive.


	9. Chapter 9

Severus tried to pace his breathing before entering the Malfoy Manor. He couldn’t go in already looking guilty. Too much was at stake: the wizardry world, Lily…

Hermione would be fine, though.

The thought she’d come get him if something went wrong helped more than what he’d like to ever admit. With that in mind, he stepped through the threshold and went straight upstairs, his Dark Mark leading his way to the Dark Lord, to an office on the second story.

That was reassuring enough. Torture sessions and murders didn’t happen in offices — as to not get blood on the carpet. And no one had any reason to pin Pettigrew’s disappearance on Severus, anyway.

Maybe everything would be fine.

Severus opened the door to see the Dark Lord sat, in silent contemplation, behind the desk, Lucius Malfoy standing by the window.

“I hope you’ve had a pleasant morning so far, Severus.” Lucius said.

“I did, Lucius, thank you. Yourself?”

Lucius sighed and rolled his eyes minutely.

“Not as much. How would you say went your interview with Dumbledore a couple of days ago?”

“Not too well. I have the skill and I may even have the experience, however… I don’t think I have the age. I turned twenty less than two months ago. This makes me only a couple of years older than the oldest Hogwarts’ students.” Severus said. “Put me in a uniform and I can’t even be told apart. I’m assuming Dumbledore chose someone older. The position also included being the Head of the Slytherin House, I should add.”

He braced himself for a mental probing, looking for memories of the interview. Which went fine. Not the aftermath, though. Would Severus be able to conceal it?

This question went by with no answer. The probing didn’t come.

The Dark Lord made a clicking sound with his mouth, instead.

“I thought so.”

“Well, it was worth the attempt.” Lucius replied. “Did Dumbledore hint at thinking you are a Death Eater?”

“No.” Severus said.

Which was true enough. He didn’t say anything hinting at it during the interview. After catching him eavesdropping, though…

The Dark Lord seemed annoyed. Not at Severus.

“But he would accept you in the Order of the Phoenix? No minimum age limits there, I hope? Your classmates are members of the Order…”

Oh.

Of course.

The leak in the Order was presumed dead.

Pettigrew had to be the only one if the Dark Lord was in search of another. Dumbledore was a careful, intelligent man; if only he didn’t have a bias towards a certain group of Gryffindors…

“I’m not certain he’ll have me. I didn’t belong in the right house, back in my time as a student.”

Another clicking mouth noise.

“I want you to give your best try. Otherwise, how much use are you to me?”

Severus swallowed dry, and the Dark Lord smiled at that.

He had done nothing wrong, but didn’t do anything right, either. He didn’t join the raids, didn’t enjoy inflicting pain, and wasn’t even of use as a spy. He was a poor half-blood. The Dark Lord could end up killing him just because.

“I will see that through, my Lord.” He promised, not being sure _how_.

“I trust you will.” The Dark Lord replied, standing to his feet and leaving the room.

Severus kept his stance stiff. He didn’t think he’d be able to join the Order. Not with his history, even if no one thought he indeed became a Death Eater…

Lucius released his breath and approached the desk, running his fingertips on top of a leather-bound journal.

“Dumbledore is a cunning man, isn’t he?”

“I’d say so.”

“I’m telling you this in confidence, simply because it brings me no joy to see you getting hurt. The Dark Lord had successfully inserted a spy within the Order. He didn’t do much, and now he vanished; he has been missing for a day, almost two. I wouldn’t put it past Dumbledore to have killed this spy.”

“What are you trying to say?” Severus asked.

“You not getting in the Order may not be the worse consequence you’ll face. And getting in doesn’t mean you’ll be safe, either. Not that this spy was very intelligent in my opinion, perhaps that is why he got himself caught.”

 “I’m not certain I’ll be able to pull this off.”

Lucius took the journal and put in a drawer, a smirk lighting up his face.

“The outlook isn’t great. The timing is… Suspicious, to say the least. You have all the reasons to despise the Order. None to join.” A pause. “What do you plan on saying to Dumbledore?”

Severus swallowed dry and slipped to a visitor’s chair, the tension which held him together washing off, leaving his body limp.

“I have no idea. I… I’ll say I thought about joining the Death Eaters and gave up because I saw the light, the errors in my ways?”

Lucius paced around the room.

“Doesn’t sound too convincing. Dumbledore won’t believe it. Unless…”

“Unless…”

“Dumbledore isn’t the one you tell this story to. Do you happen to know how to reach out to that mudblood friend of yours?”

Severus pursed his lips. It made perfect sense. But… He did not want to reach to Lily and rekindle a friendship. It’d hurt too much. Especially not if it involved lying to her.

“Maybe. No.”

Lucius turned to him, a brow raised.

“Yes.” he confessed.

“Ah, good. I feel this will work, for certain. And you’ll be in considerably good standing within the Order, too. Just to play it safe.”

Severus said nothing for a while, defeated.

“Would you join us for lunch, Severus? I have good news to share.”

“Is that so?”

“Narcisa is pregnant.” Lucius said, beaming. “She is around three or four months into it.”

“You’ve been waiting this for a long time.”

Being old-fashioned purebloods, the fact Narcisa didn’t start pumping out babies as soon as they married didn’t bode well for the couple. Societal pressure aside, both just wanted to have children from the bottom of their cold hearts.

This was a terrible time to be around four months pregnant, however. Severus was glad he didn’t leak the prophecy. It might as well apply to Narcisa, too.

“Indeed. Narcisa and I are thrilled. We wanted to ask you if you’d like to be the godfather of your baby.”

Severus felt like a baby himself, most of the times. And definitely not equipped to have tangential responsibility over a child. Yet, what could he say, except:

“It’d my pleasure. And I’d love to stay for lunch.”


	10. Chapter 10

Hermione thought she was supposed to make things better. Sending a twenty-years-old to his death didn’t seem like the better path. Hell, even the Snape from her original timeline died far too young. Wizards could live up to one hundred and fifty years old, and he died at thirty-eight.

The hours passed by, and Hermione’s feet ached from all the pacing around the living room. She tried to listen to music, read some of his books, cook, and even clean, to get the time to pass by a little quicker.

Morning turned to almost noon to half-past noon, and she made a deal with herself to try and find him.

Ten minutes before that, Snape flung the door open. Hermione leaped across the room to hold him at an arm’s length.

“You’re fine!” she exclaimed, counting his limbs.

“I’m fine.” He replied. “Unexpectedly so.”

“Oh my God, you took so long!”

In a spontaneous spurt, Hermione stood on her tip toes to give him a quick hug by the shoulders, until it dawned on her he probably didn’t want her touching him all that much, so she stepped away.

She did come around liking him, didn’t she?

 “Sorry. I was worried. What happened?”

Snape swallowed dry, and dropped himself heavily on the couch, with a sigh.

“Voldemort wants me to get into the Order of the Phoenix since I’m clearly not getting hired to teach at Hogwarts next term. And I’m going to be a godfather.”

Hermione creased her brows.

“Yes, a former housemate of mine is pregnant. They wanted me to stay for lunch to share the good news.”

“So you went to the Malfoy Manor.”

Snape tilted his head, narrowing his gaze at her.

“I’m well aware by now that you won’t tell me if I ask how the fuck you know this.” Hermione had to hold back a smile from seeing such a baby-faced individual swearing. “It does put a hole in my theory.”

“What’s your theory?”

“You taught at Hogwarts.”

“I could be teaching there when Lucius and Narcisa attended, too. I’m fifteen years older than them.”

“Oh, right.” Snape said, sinking into the couch. “Except you weren’t. I asked them if they remembered someone like you. You don’t exactly blend in with the crowd.”

Right, because Hermione was Black, and her gravity-defying hair called attention wherever she went.

“I’m sure you’ll come up with another one. And… How exactly do you plan on getting into the Order of the Phoenix?”

“I haven’t thought about it.”

Snape may have mastered Occlumency — or at least be damn good at it, but he was not a good liar… Yet. Or, who knows, maybe there wasn’t enough at stake that he felt like being convincing.

“You did think about it, though.”

Another heavy sigh came from him. He tilted his head back to rest it on the couch, eyes on the ceiling.

“Yes, and I didn’t like it, so I’m scratching the idea.”

“What’s the idea?”

“Talking to Lily.”

Hermione said nothing for a while. She could put him in the Order of the Phoenix if he went to Dumbledore with information about the horcruxes. Just one would suffice. But then he’d be a double agent again, and that didn’t turn out good for him.

Besides, Hermione didn’t trust Dumbledore with Snape’s life, which apparently became high on her list of things to fix. She wanted him to survive the war and have a chance of living a normal life.

“It’s not a bad idea.”

“It is a _terrible_ idea. You… You know how I feel about her. I saw her in Pettigrew’s memories, even if by some chance she’d forgive me, I don’t think I can see her again. See them all again.”

Hermione pressed her lips together, and scooted closer to him, folding her legs under her.

“It might hurt… But in the end, it’ll be good if you see her again. Would you like my advice?”

Snape turned his head to look at her.

“Can’t make it any worse, can it?”

“I just think that… You’re stuck in the what-ifs. I mean, just yesterday you had a meltdown because of what could have happened to Lily if you had leaked the prophecy, but… You didn’t. So why worry about it?”

He pursed his lips.

“Go on.”

“I think you’re stuck with wondering… What if you hadn’t called her a mudblood? What if you were in good terms? But… Snape, she just didn’t see you that way. _Doesn’t_ see you that way. Even if you were friends again, even if she was single… It wouldn’t happen. Because she doesn’t want it. Talking to her might help you realize that. And when you do, I hope you respect her wishes and her space, and move on. Open up to meet someone who’ll like you.”

“Someone who’ll like _me_.” Snape retorted with a snort at the end, eyes back on the ceiling.

“You’re… Not bad at all. I find you adorable.”

“ _Adorable_.”

“Most girls I know would go for adorable anytime.” Hermione replied. “You just have low self-steem, trust me. You’ve been around a lot of people who didn’t see anything in you, and you got stuck with the one who did, but… Lily won’t be the only one to see the good in you.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” He replied, stood up and left.

Hermione shrugged. She didn’t even think he’d let her speak at all. If somehow she didn’t create a fork and ended up in another timeline, surely Snape didn’t hear her advice.

Though she was pretty sure she left her original timeline already, so… Worth the attempt.

Besides, if Snape didn’t agree with speaking to Lily to get in the Order, Hermione would have to let him be a double agent for Dumbledore. And considering the risk that represented to his life…

Finally being able to breathe, and think, and relax, Hermione decided to go out, have some fresh air, steal some more money. She spent a good chunk of the afternoon outside. When she returned, Snape sat at the kitchen, with coffee and a book.

“You didn’t go to work?” Hermione said, walking into the room.

“No.” He took a deep breath and pushed his chair away from the table. “You know, Hermione…”

“What?”

“I want you to be right.”


	11. Chapter 11

“That was quick,” Hermione said, taking a seat. “Thought you’d take much longer to listen to me.”

Severus looked away, with his arms crossed in front of his chest.

“I suppose I needed to hear someone saying it to me.”

 _It_ being there wasn’t a perfect scenario where Lily would be interested in him. She just wasn’t. It’d be perfect… But it didn’t happen.

The same way leaking the prophecy would be terrible…

But it didn’t happen.

What would she think of him if she knew how long he spent almost obsessing over her? Well, he moreso obsessed over the Lily that lived within his memories, a teenager that grew up into a woman Severus didn’t recognize anymore.

He was hung up in the past, back when he thought such an ideal future was still possible for him.

“You’ll fall in love again. And when that happens, you’ll wonder why you thought you’d find no one.”

Hermione gave a minute sigh at the end of her reply. Her gaze was a bit distant, as if she was talking to herself.

“Didn’t seem like you were ever rejected to be so certain of that.” Severus blurted out.

That brought her back to the present, and she stared at him with a knowing smirk. He could feel himself blushing — he spoke too much. Yet Hermione was a kind soul. Instead of prolongating his embarrassment by asking for an elaboration, she said:

“I was married for fifteen years, then I divorced.”

Oh.

Severus never quite noticed she didn’t wear a wedding ring… Most women her age had been married for a long time already. And divorce wasn’t an easy thing to get, either.

“Why?”

“He cheated on me. I was devastated for such a long time after that. Now I see it with better eyes. We weren’t compatible, really, but neither of us had the guts to end it. After a while, you just think it’d be a waste of time to end the relationship because there are so many shared memories. For years, I really did think I wouldn’t meet someone else for so many reasons. He was the only person I dated, we dated since Hogwarts, and even before marrying, we went through a lot together, so…”

Severus said nothing when her voice trailed off. Certainly she had more to say on the subject.

“What I mean to say is that I know how you feel. From the bottom of my heart, I do. I was still so in love with my former husband when I divorced.”

“But you didn’t find someone new, did you?”

“I don’t find it to be a bad thing. I spent most of my life in a relationship with just one person. I didn’t mind not having the experience of, you know, dating around, but… Now that I have the chance… I found a lot of new people. Just none I fell in love with. Fine by me.”

Severus nodded. He didn’t like talking to other people, though Hermione was an exception to the rule. She certainly had a lot of wisdom to impart on subjects he didn’t think she’d have much to say. What would a woman like her know about rejection…?

A lot, it seemed.

“So will you talk to Lily?” she asked.

“I’ll have to, it appears.”

“How do you plan to do it? I don’t think a visit is advisable. And… Honestly, not even a letter. How will you explain how you know the address without sounding creepy?”

Severus gave a shrug.

“I’ll ask her sister. She’s muggle so she must be on the phonebook. She married a man named Dursley, if I’m not mistaken. I can pay her a visit… And I won’t mind then if I look like a creep.”

Hermione’s lips curled up in a mischievous toothy grin.

“I know Petunia’s address.”

Severus took a deep breath, pinching the bridge of his nose. Was there _something_ Hermione didn’t know about? Besides, Petunia’s address was not something a Hogwarts’ teacher would know… Lily’s former address, maybe…

Not this, though.

“I’m not even going to ask.”

“You can. But I’m not going to answer.” Hermione replied. “I suppose I’ll just take a shower now and start getting ready for bed.”

Severus’ gaze followed her out of the room. She wouldn’t find him _adorable_ if she knew what types of reactions she elicited in him. Her mentioning taking a shower brought him back a certain memory that still worked to give him an inconvenient erection just fine.

Was he ever going to be able to wear something looser than the pants of his work robes? Or go a day without taking a couple of showers?

Not likely, he concluded when he returned to the kitchen, finding Hermione with her hair in a bun, beating some eggs in a bowl, barefoot, in _very_ short shorts and a t-shirt. The back of her neck, exposed, looked quite kissable, and the swell of her ass seemed to fit perfectly in Severus’ palm.

Not that he was ever going to do anything other than try and be discreet while looking.  

“If you want any of my food, you’ll wash the dishes.” she said.

“Fine. Thank you for getting groceries, by the way.”

“You’re not charging me rent, so…”

“What would I charge you for? Lower back pain?”

Hermione laughed at his remark and shook her head.

“I mean, my joints aren’t what they used to be, but your couch isn’t bad. Beats not having a place to stay.” She bumped her shoulder to his torso. “Thank you. Really.”

And that favor alone made her go from disliking him — for some reason — to easygoing comradery.  

“How come you have no place to live?”

“I made quite the trip to arrive here. Long story short, I have almost no money, no documentation, and I know many people, but none of them know me.”

This was the second time Hermione spoke of herself without elaborating any riddles. It wasn’t the whole truth by any means, but… It was something.

“You don’t have to leave as soon as humanly possible. If you have no documentation, then you’re in a much bigger problem than you let on to me at first.”

Severus hoped he’d get used to her presence if she stayed for a long period of time…

And he almost wanted her to do so.

If not by the nice view, at least for the good advice.


	12. Chapter 12

Okay, Hermione knew the dangers of meddling with past events. Unpredictable outcomes could occur, with devastating consequences. But Snape’s little crush on her seemed innocent enough, as long as it was kept in check.

Perhaps she should have acted more aloof, a little more “proper” — whatever that meant — to avoid such a thing. Either way, she didn’t consider it’d happen. Although young women developed feelings for older men on the regular, the contrary wasn’t half as common.

She thought that maybe he’d see her as a mentor, or even a maternal figure, from all the advising and concern of his well-being. Though, well, she came in his life at a very vulnerable moment, his own knight in shining armor.

Besides, she didn’t look bad.

It was flattering.

Not to be encouraged, though…

Hermione could see his eyes lingering a bit too much on her body when he came downstairs so they could leave for Privet Drive, to pester Petunia for Lily’s address. It was the eighties, after all. Seemed like a sin to be back in time and not wear the stupidly high-waisted flared pants with a short top that tied with a bow at the front.

She wasn’t as fashionable in her own time, though she did appreciate when low-rise jeans went out of the trend in the 2010s, and now that she had the chance to start from scratch and didn’t have the same hung ups with her appearance…

Why not just go all out?

“Are you going out dressed like that?” was Snape’s reaction right after he stopped ogling.

“Are you my ex-husband?”

He stammered:

“I just think that you’re going to call attention.”

“Says _you_.” Hermione said, making a vague gesture towards him.

Little did she know that when he wasn’t in his work clothes, he dressed like a punk, including the rock band t-shirt, which was a surprising touch. It hadn’t occurred to her Snape was once a young person that listened to music and did regular things young people did.

It explained all the black in his later adulthood…

And the hair.

“These are the only muggle clothes I have,” he explained. “I haven’t been around muggles much recently.”

“Petunia is going to hate it.”

He agreed with a brow wiggle.

“I know.”

“Let’s just get on with it. It will be quite the hike. The suburbs she lives in must be a pain in the ass to apparate because there are no back alleys that I know of.”

Harry’s would-be future neighborhood was still under construction, a bunch of streets with empty lots, very little of them already constructed. If Spinner’s End was cramped, decadent, Private Drive just started to bloom, like the flowers in the Durleys’ front yard.

Petunia’s house stood out like a sore thumb with her immaculate green front lawn against all the dirt.

There weren’t many places they could hide to see if anyone was home, so in the end Hermione chose a charm to blend in with the background. Her spell made her almost invisible to the muggle eye. Snape did nothing to conceal his presence.

They waited for a bit, and then spotted Petunia getting out of the house to tend to her front lawn, in full gardening gear… And a protruding lower stomach underneath it.

“Is _everyone_ pregnant?” Snape exclaimed.

“Lily is that far along in the pregnancy.” Hermione warned him, and, absently, she went on: “She’s going to give birth a week before Lily.”

Snape slid his gaze to her.

“How do you know _that_?”

Hermione shrugged. She should be honest with Snape at some point… Telling him all about the horcruxes and where they were located was in her plans for the near future.

And he had agreed to put a roof over her head until she sorted herself out and that sorting was going to be very difficult considering the nature of her long trip.

“I’ll tell you when the time is right,” she said and then nodded in Petunia’s direction, who stood in her front lawn with her eyes narrowed and mouth opened agape. “You were spotted.”

“Wish me luck…” Snape muttered before crossing the street and turning left to go and meet Petunia.

Didn’t take too long. Petunia clearly didn’t want to be seen associating with such a punk youth. They exchanged a few words, and she went inside, returning with a ripped piece of paper not long after. Snape turned on his heels and made his way back, though he waited to be out of sight to speak to Hermione again, the paper safe in his pocket.

“Easier than I thought… Though there is the risk of Potter intercepting the letter and Lily never getting it, if I know him well. They live together after all.”

“I can deliver it myself to make sure.” Hermione remembered about the invisibility cloak and the Marauder’s Map. “I need to pay the Potters a visit anyway.”

She was forced to lose her qualms about stealing, and needed those two things to keep tabs on the diadem, so…

“Are you going to talk to them? Do you know them?”

“They won’t know I’m there. If I’m lucky.”

“What are you going to do?”

“You’ll see. Before thinking about that, though, perhaps you should think well of what you’re going to say. You won’t get a second chance.”

“Will you help me write it? The letter?”

“ _Help_.” Hermione stressed. “It still has to be you.”

Snape’s mood grew gloom at the thought of reaching out to Lily again. He’d rather not do it and keep living in his fantasy scenario. It went continued until they were back at Spinner’s End.

“This will be good for you, I promise.” Hermione said, tugging at his arm so he wouldn’t directly flee to his study when they crossed the threshold.

“I hope so.”

He became so upset Hermione couldn’t help but tip-toeing to embrace him by wrapping her arms around his neck. He froze, at the first couple of moments, then his hands settled at her waist, pulling her tight against his body, one of his thumbs drawing a circle on her back.

Then he buried his face on the curve of her neck, taking in the smell of her hair, pulling her even closer.

Hermione slipped away from his grasp and said:

“You should go to work. We’ll write the letter when you get back.”

“Of course.” he agreed, not managing to hold her gaze.

Only then he fled the scene.

Hermione stayed behind, a little short of breath, her heart beating a touch too quick for her taste. She could have even seen it coming, having to be careful with Snape’s feelings.

But she couldn’t have predicted having to be careful with her own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In Brazil we call this a "cheiro no cangote" and it's the best feeling in the world actually 
> 
> Also as per usual I'm super behind on answering the comments, y'all know the drill by now. I have been reading them so I want to thank you!! Easter Holidays are upon us and I'll have the time to answer super soon.


	13. Chapter 13

Severus could do his work with his eyes closed and hands tied on the back. Thankfully, for his mind was entirely elsewhere. Again. He both desired and dreaded coming back home, his mind not leaving Spinner’s End either way…

Things could grow awkward, or not grow awkward, and both scenarios freaked him out. Hermione was his guest. He did not want to make her uncomfortable with his presence in any way, shape or form, because of his school boy crush on her.

Crush.

A feeling he hadn’t had in a long while.

If he grew too bold, she’d feel uncomfortable and want to leave to Merlin knew where. Or she’d reciprocate. And then she’d find out she was dealing with a twenty-years-old who didn’t even have his first kiss yet and was terrified by the idea, actually.

It was maybe the first time he held someone so close to his body. Even that felt way too intimate, but just right at the time. Thinking about it after a moment to cool down and think about it got him _antsy_.

Severus almost feared more the option she’d want something. She’d want to have sex and all types of things that he desired and yet could not imagine letting someone get that type of close to him.

He stalled some before going home, that day.

Hermione was waiting for him, reading something by the couch with a mug of tea.

See, whenever Severus saw her like that, he did feel like touching her or maybe even kissing her, yet could not bear the thought of it actually happening. Which… Didn’t make sense at all, but that was how he felt.

“Oh, hi. I was starting to get worried.”

“I had a troublesome potion to brew today.” Severus apologized, swallowing dry.

“Well, I hope you’re not too tired to just get over with the letter. Have you thought about what you want to say?”

Hermione sat up, leaving him some space. He sat on the opposite end, legs and arms crossed.

“Apologize, maybe? For everything?” A pause. “Lucius had advised me to tell her a sob story about how I regretted associating with would-be Death Eaters.”

“Which you do, actually.”

“I mean… I do, but I don’t want her to pity me.”

“The best lie has a grain of truth to it.” Hermione said. “This apology should have as much of your genuine feelings as possible. That is what happened. The only thing is that she doesn’t need to know you did become a Death Eater.”

Severus sighed.

“I don’t like the idea of lying to her.”

“You’ll be in a much bigger trouble if you end up being a double agent for Dumbledore.”

“I’m a double agent for you already.”

“Well, yes, but I care about your wellbeing. Dumbledore won’t.”

Severus turned his gaze to regard her for a moment. Hermione didn’t seem too keen on Dumbledore for some reason…

“Why do you dislike him?”

“I think he is more alike Voldemort than he lets on. His head is on the right place, but not his heart. He is a chess player, a puppet master. Ultimately… It’s not up for someone like him to win this war.”

“But what did he do to you? You said you studied at Hogwarts. Usually every other Hogwarts’ student idolizes him. The Gryffindors, for the most part.”

Hermione pressed her lips together, holding back a highly amused grin. Severus rolled his eyes.

“You were a Gryffindor.”

“Sorry about that.”

“You know I don’t truly have a problem with Gryffindors,” he said.

“Quite the contrary, isn’t it? Speaking of which, we should really work on this tonight, if you feel up to it.”

“I’ll never feel up to it.”

Hence why five minutes later they settled camp on the kitchen table, with a good supply of parchment, ink and quills. This letter had to be perfect. It had to work. Severus dipped the quill on the ink pot, and let it hover on the parchment.

“Dear Lily…?” he said. “Doesn’t sound right.”

“Just put Lily. Dear might be too much.”

“Seems good to me.” _Lily_ , he wrote. “I’m sorry for being a fucking asshole?”

Hermione laughed at him, covering her mouth with a hand.

“Sounds genuine.”

_I’m sorry for being a fucking asshole._

“Oh, and an idiot.” Hermione added.

 _And a fucking idiot_ , Severus wrote.

“She doesn’t like swearing, though.” he said.

“Fucking barely counts as one, honestly. What matters is that she’ll see you mean your words. Ah, explain how you got her address now.”

_I got your address after politely asking Petunia for it. Which I did because I’ve been meaning to apologize to you for a while now._

Hermione nodded in approval. It was true. Not the whole truth, though.

“Now what?”

“The elephant in the room. The time you called her a mudblood.”

_Our friendship ended in very terrible terms because of the two reasons stated earlier in this letter. I didn’t apologize to you properly, because I wasn’t truly sorry back then. I couldn’t see what was so wrong about the m-word, or the people I hung out with._

“But…” Hermione said.

_But I do now. Took me long enough, didn’t it?_

_I am so very sorry._

“This doesn’t sound convincing.”

“I’d fall for it.” Hermione replied. “And I’m a muggleborn too, so…”

Of course. A Gryffindor muggleborn. The irony did not go by unnoticed.

“So should I propose a meet-up now?”

“No. It will be too fast. She’ll realize something is up. And maybe other people will realize something is up, with you appearing again after such a long time, wanting to meet in person. I think… The idea has to come from her.”

Severus should thank Merlin for Hermione.

 _I don’t mean to ask you to forgive me with one lousy letter. Maybe_ several _lousy letters, if you humor me and write back?_

Hermione smirked as she read it.

“Now you have to let her know you have no second intentions with this. Maybe she knew you had feelings for her.”

_Don’t worry. I know you got married to Potter. A questionable choice, if I do say so myself, but a friend is a friend._

“Are you really going to apologize to her by insulting her husband?”

“You said the letter had to be genuine.” Severus jested.

He didn’t know how, but somehow writing the bloody letter became almost a joke with Hermione by his side. She was sat beside him, hand on her chin as she inspected his writing. His eyes didn’t leave her lips, yet he was glad for the healthy distance between them.  

“I think it will work.”

“Truly?”

“Truly. I mean… It sounds like you. It sounds like you’re really sorry about what matters. It sounds like you reached out to her in well-intentioned desire to rekindle the friendship, no second intentions.”

“I have second intentions. I want her to put me in the Order.”

“Well, yes. She doesn’t need to know that, either.”

 _Hopefully this will work,_ he wrote.

_Sincerely yours,_

_Severus Snape_


	14. Chapter 14

Hermione wrote down all that she remembered and yet she completely forgot the Marauder’s Map wasn’t with James, nor with any of the Marauders. It was in Hogwarts, Filch’s office. She sighed, her figure obscured by the green shrubbery and her own charms.

Still, getting it would be that much easier with the cloak in hands. Not to mention, she needed to get the diary in the Malfoy Manor _and_ the locket which should be in Kreacher’s hands at Grimmauld Place.

James Potter’s house did not disappoint Hermione’s expectations when it came down to rich pureblood houses. In a sliding scale, it was more towards the Manor than the Grimmauld Place, a cramped townhouse in a muggle neighborhood.

The Potter residence was the biggest building in the village, which possibly grew around it — at a respectable distance, of course. The house had two stories, a bloody solar, and if Hermione had to guess a date for its inauguration, it’d be seventeenth century.

A huge green lawn surrounded the building, and at some point, someone built Quidditch rings on it. Which… Was a problem. Hermione had to get in and get out without being noticed and she didn’t have the invisibility cloak with her yet.

At least the huge open windows let her peep into what was going on.

Not much. A house that big required staff. None to be seen, thankfully. In fact, it seemed empty. Only at around ten o’clock in the morning, after an hour of staking out and wondering if she should just go in, hoping for the best, was that someone crossed the windows on the second floor.

That would be Lily, rousing from slumber.

Was James in the room?

Hermione sighed again, looking around for a tree high enough climb and see the bedroom from a better angle. Thankfully she wasn’t too worse for wear considering the daily stretches and runs.

Besides, she could float herself up, and it was spring, so there were plenty of leaves to disguise her movement. Looking at the second floor from a more level standpoint, she saw that the huge bed — mahogany wood with four posts — was unoccupied.

Either James had left, or he wasn’t back yet.

Hermione hoped he had just left, or else she’d have to keep an eye peeled for his return. She climbed down, made her way around the house to find entry spots, a back door, anything. As it turned out, Lily went to the kitchen, where the back door was.

So the only option left was the front.

Fine.

Besides, the perfect distraction sat on the inside pocket of her jacket.

Gladly, there were bushes Hermione could slither around in to reach a close distance from the backdoor. She floated the letter to the slit underneath the door and then shoved it inside as hard as she could.

A moment later, Lily would open the door, looking around in her nightgown, the pregnant belly still discreet under the pink fabric. She was a stunning young woman, but there was a weariness to her face.

Could be the pregnancy, or it could be that she felt lonely.

Lily turned the letter on her hands and then caught the name. Although there was an open field all round and no way a person Snape’s size could hide, she stepped out and looked some more. Hermione took the chance and tip-toed back to the front of the house, sometimes rising from her hiding spot to check Lily’s whereabouts.

Still outside, wondering if she’d find her friend crouching on a rose bush.

Good. Hermione had gotten way better at stealing, though perhaps she got rusty at breaking and entering. And it wasn’t a muggle house, either.

Two inches of passage on the door was enough for her to slid inside. She closed it behind herself, and the shiny golden knob clicked softly. Lily was too far to hear it. Of course the first thing Dumbledore would do was taking them out of this empty, huge house…

Now, where would the cloak be…?

Considering Hermione got lucky and James left, but didn’t take it with him. She found the staircase at a corner of the huge entrance lobby and tiptoed upstairs, her sneakers making no sound.

There were too many damn rooms for just a young couple. Lily and James were better off at an apartment, or a townhouse, not something bordering on a manor. The two other bedrooms and the office were clean in a manner that let you know no one stepped foot in there except to clean.

Hermione was right, after all, about the cloak. James hadn’t taken it with him; it was in the dirty laundry hamper inside their bathroom, with questionable stains. Mud, mostly, and smelling strongly of sweat.

Ew.

What was he even doing with it?

But, good thing it was dirty, otherwise it might not have been there. Hermione held her breath and put it on anyway. Getting out was going to be trickier, for Lily wasn’t going to stand in her yard forever.

Indeed, when Hermione came back down, she tried to get a look at the kitchen and Lily was there, sat at the kitchen table, one hand covering her mouth, another holding the letter. Her kitchen couldn’t be less alike Snape’s: it had huge windows, shedding sunlight into the ambient, besides the many counters, cabinets, muggle appliances and the not modest table at the corner.

Just outside of it, where Hermione stood, was the great dining room. Again, huge windows, huge table, a lot of unused luxury. Four corners to stand and stay still in case someone arrived.

Like James Potter. Like Hermione, he tried to tip toe, and unlike her, he failed. Lily hid the letter inside a drawer and walked out to greet him with a furious look on her face.

“Very sweet of you to wait for me to fall asleep and leave.”

“Lily flower, my angel, this was a last-minute thing.” Potter said. “And it was just a regular night, you know, with Moony and Paddie. We’re still trying to find Worms, as you know.”

“By hitting all the bars in muggle London? And wizardry too?”

“Well, that’s where we all used to go, so it makes sense for us to look for him there.”

“What am I to do if you disappear too, James? You aren’t a kid anymore! You have a family now. You have me, and now there’s a baby on the way!”

Hermione shouldn’t be witnessing that. But the kitchen door and backyard door were opened, making for a clear escape route. She didn’t hear the rest of conversation. Didn’t want to.

It made her uncomfortable to know Lily wasn’t happy. That maybe in the end Harry wasn’t going to grow up in a happy household.

That maybe… Lily would think of finding happiness elsewhere.


	15. Chapter 15

Hermione’s mood upon returning to Spinner’s End upon spotless completion of her mission could only be described as… Shitty.

Even though she knew what she was doing couldn’t only be about Harry. The First Wizardry War took many lives and so did the Second. Although Harry’s parents counted among the casualties, it had to be about the many other lives saved or else it wouldn’t work. Otherwise she’d drive herself crazy trying to manicure a perfect life for her to-be friend.

Hermione had seen it before. It happened to her. Hogwarts’ sweethearts, married too young to realize maybe it wasn’t meant to be. Divorcing from Ron had to be the hardest thing she did as an adult — and they didn’t have children.

She maybe would have never done it with children on the equation, as long as Ron was a good father to them. She’d put on a smile and be miserable for decades. It always showed, though. Something always fell through the cracks of the façade.

And yet, if Lily didn’t stay with James…

Hermione could only hope to be able to stand on her feet without Snape’s support when that happened. And that he’d be a good father for Harry.

It’d be ironic.

She wished it was possible to tell the joke to anyone who’d be able to get it.

Her face must have looked sour when she came in, for Snape scrambled in his position on the kitchen counter — not so casually waiting for her to come back — and approached her with care once he got a good look.

“It didn’t go well, I assume?”

Hermione snorted, an empty smile curling her lips.

“As if. Don’t you know who I am? Of course I got her the letter. I also made sure she read it.”

“And?”

“She’ll write you back.” Hermione said. “Worked like a charm.”

“And the other thing you were supposed to do there?”

“Also done.”

With that, she produced the invisibility cloak from the back pocket of her shorts. One lesson she learned was to always expand the insides of her pockets.

“You went there for a dirty rag?”

The invisibility cloak wasn’t invisible without someone to wear it. Hermione passed the cloak around her shoulders.

“I suppose it’s dirty, and I suppose it’s a rag, but it’s a bit insulting to call an invisibility cloak that.”

“I don’t think it deserves this level of respect. The spell will fade after a while.”

“Not from this one.” Hermione said, taking it off and holding it at an arm’s length with only the tip of her fingers while heading to the washing machine, not far off from Snape’s previous location. “Ever wonder how James was so efficient at harassing you?”

“Many times.”

“Well. This invisibility cloak is the real deal and I need her.” Hermione opened the lid of the machine and dumped it there. Considering she had maybe three changes of clothing, she used that machine enough to seamlessly grab the detergent and the softener, and set it up to wash. Then she turned to Snape, studying his stance and expression. His brows were creased, and he was likewise dissecting her, his steel gaze at full power capacity. “Aren’t you happy Lily is going to write you back?”

“I’m more worried about what happened there that upset you.”

He was honestly so sweet. If Lily ever decided to snatch him back, Hermione was going to miss the undivided attention.

Hermione pressed her lips together, unsure if she should say anything, or go back to her deadpan, cryptic persona of two days before. Snape was creeping in on her, and quite fast at that. Not even five days had gone by.

Thing was, Snape wasn’t the only one in a vulnerable place. Hermione might be older, and more experienced, but she remained a human being who felt scared and liked to have people to rely on.

That could complicate things.

She thought herself immune because it was _Snape_ , but she wasn’t really, was she? The Snape before her was a sweet and not forbiddingly young man. Besides, she was going through her middle-age crisis. Sleeping with someone half her age was one of the first items on the list, an item which apparently didn’t only apply to men.

“Nothing that you can help me with, Snape. It’s bit above your station.”

“Not that I have done anything to deserve it, but a little faith in me would be highly appreciated.”

Not telling him anything turned out to be the worst route possible, all things considered. He approached her and leaned his weight on the counter top besides her, arms crossed, staring her down with an analytical look she already saw many, many years before.

The exact same. Sans fine lines.

It still carried some intimidation factor. He may be twenty years younger, but he was still ten inches taller. And he was way too close. Hermione looked away, biting the insides of her cheek. She felt his fingers running along her shoulder, his hand resting on the back of her exposed neck.

Hermione turned her gaze up, towards his face, lips parted, her breath a bit heavy because wow did he manage to find a sensitive of hers to stroke, his caresses going into her scalp. He inhaled sharply, as if he intended to bolt and take a leap off a cliff, though what he did instead was to move his hand and plant a kiss where it had been.

And another, while pulling her closer, both hands on her back now.

Her own went to rest on his arms, grasping his sleeves, while her body glued to his. Indeed she was dealing with a twenty-years-old: a completely stiff erection pressed against her stomach.

“S-snape?” she called, short of breath.

He raised his head, finally, and Hermione kissed his mouth. Once, and then twice, and then a little longer, the tip of her tongue parting his lips. She cupped his face with one hand, the other sliding down, and down, and going to his thigh, then sliding upwards until she traced his cock with her fingertips, going for the buttons of his pants.

Which then prompted him to freeze, and break the kiss, his face and neck redder than ever.

“I—” He let her go and stepped back. “I never—"

Holy shit.

“You’re a virgin.” Hermione said, matter-of-factly.

She couldn’t blush as well as he did but she was also trying not to die of embarrassment.


	16. Chapter 16

Severus was usually doing the fleeing, though this time around it was Hermione who left the premises:

“I’m so sorry.” She motioned to leave, and Severus tried to hold her back by the arm, but she evaded the touch, saying: “I think I need to be alone, too.”

He cursed himself when she closed the front door shut. He started not to like when she left because he never had any idea where she could have gone, or how to be in touch with her if she took too long, or, worse, didn’t return at all.

Well, she didn’t take her bag with her, so a good sign.

Severus sat on the couch — that started to smell like Hermione — head on his hands. He shouldn’t have started something he couldn’t finish. It was a miracle he even went as far as kissing her back, because… He never kissed anyone before, not even the slightest peck.

A secret he meant to take to his grave.

And this wasn’t even because he was in love with Lily this whole time. Just the idea of having someone else’s tongue in his mouth felt uncomfortable, up until the moment Hermione traced his bottom lip with hers. Though when she started fidgeting with his pants, he very much panicked.

Yet the resulting boner remained.

Severus had the feeling she wouldn’t return until nighttime, so waiting was useless. And if she did return, it wasn’t like he’d let her do anything about it. He went to his bedroom and stripped as he made his way to the bathroom.

He ran the water as cold as he could make it and hopped inside. The low temperature did nothing to placate his cock, Hermione’s touch still lingering on his skin, the memory of her gentle tongue assaulting him.

She was all he could think about while touching himself.  

Hermione was still outside somewhere when he left to work — another useless day — but she waited for him in the living room upon his return, reading with her stupid Walkman on, as usual. She took her headphones off and watched him in silence when he sat beside her.

Not too close, though.

He wasn’t sure of what to do, or what to say. And frankly felt awkward being face to face when, right after he stopped her, he went ahead and masturbated _because_ of her. All the other times he tried not to think of Hermione while he was doing it.

“I’m sorry.” Hermione said again, folding her beautiful legs to give him more space. “I should have asked before doing anything. I had no idea. Did I make you too uncomfortable?”

“No, I… Everything happened too fast. I couldn’t… I just…”

“You’re not ready. It’s okay.”

Her reassurance sounded a bit too maternal for Severus’ taste.

“Don’t talk to me like I’m a kid.”

“I’m not talking to you like you’re a kid. If I thought you’re a kid, none of this would have happened. What else am I supposed to say?”

Severus supposed the alternative was for her to laugh at him and think he was pathetic for _not being ready_ even though people his age were married, having children and all.

“I thought not being ready was a woman thing. It’s not like it’s going to _hurt_ for me.”

Hermione threw him a judging glance. He said the wrong thing again. Whatever she thought of replying at first didn’t leave her lips though. Her expression eased and she adjusted better on her place.

“It’s a human being thing, Severus. And it’s doesn’t have to hurt for women, either. That’s besides the point. The point is I overstepped the line and…” A deep breath. “I’m glad you stopped me on my tracks. This… We… Shouldn’t do this at all.”

Maybe he wasn’t up for it so soon but that got him by surprise.

“Why?”

“I think this is happening only because we are both in a very vulnerable place and we have to be around each other much of the time. And I’m not sure about you, but you’re the only person I got. It’s easy to get confused. I think we both are.”

“I’m not confused. I’m sure you felt it.”

Hermione’s smirk went away as fast as it appeared on her lips.

“I felt it. Really, though. We shouldn’t. And, to be honest, you’re not the only one who needs some processing. I’m not so certain if I’m okay with it after all. I may not have any hung ups with sex itself, but…”

“You have a hung up with me. From whenever it is that you met me.” Severus concluded.

She kissed him, though he was the one who started it. He just wanted to touch her and hold her close so badly he forgot about everything else -- even the fact he was going to chicken out if she wanted more.

Hermione’s silence was confirmation enough.

He had tossed the theory she taught at Hogwarts, with nothing to put in its place, except the lingering feeling she just… Hadn’t met him as a kid. Or was around Hogwarts back then at all. The things she knew, no one could learn just by being there.

Petunia’s address. Hell, Petunia’s pregnancy. Potter’s invisibility cloak. Pettigrew’s betrayal. The fact he was going to leak the prophecy.

“You didn’t meet me before. I would have remembered you.”

Maybe he wouldn’t have the type of thoughts he had a twenty-years-old, but he’d find her pretty.

“I didn’t.” Hermione said, starting to grin.

“Hermione, please, just… Tell me.” Severus pleaded. “How is it that you met me? How do you know all these things? What is it that you dislike me?”

“I don’t dislike you. Not anymore, anyway.”

She seemed to be weighing if she should say it or not.

“I can occlude. And…” He was going to regret it. “If you tell me, I’ll let you help with my Occlumency.”

“I trust your Occlumency. I’m just… Debating if you can handle it. I think knowing where I am from and how I got here will be too disturbing.”

“I can handle it.” reassured Severus.

Besides, he didn’t forget how they fell into this topic… If he knew what Hermione’s problem with him was, maybe he could talk her out of it. Even if he didn’t want to have sex just yet, he still wanted her, grasping at his shirt, breathing heavy on his ear, pressing her body against his.

“Imagine a future where you did leak the prophecy. Pettigrew betrayed the Potters, and the Potters are dead.” Hermione said. “I’m from that future.”

Perhaps he spoke too soon about being able to handle it.


	17. Chapter 17

The blood left Snape’s face.

“C-come again?” he said, his voice a thin thread.

Hermione reached for her bag, always stationed on the floor beside the couch, and fished for her broken time-turner. She opened his palm and placed the broken time-turner there, watching his reaction.

“I’m trying to make things right.”

His eyes went to the time-turner, broken, its sand gone. His breath went rapid, shallow. With a sudden jerk, he tossed the apparatus aside, fleeing upstairs. The door of his study banged shut.

Hermione remained on the couch, almost to the point of tears from causing him such pain. Except there wasn’t a good way or a perfect moment to tell him that. He was going to flip out. And even though she’d rather wait more to tell, after their kiss he wouldn’t let the matter go, if it got in their way.

She sat there until the sound of glass breaking stopped. He had a small lab up in his study, and as long as he was breaking it apart, Hermione knew he wasn’t harming himself. When things got quiet, though, she had no way of being sure anymore.

So she went upstairs, and knocked.

“Severus?”

She touched his erect cock. Might as well start calling him by his first name.

“Severus, please answer. I need to know if you’re alright.”

Nothing.

Hermione turned the knob, fearing for what she’d find. Glass broken everywhere, ingredients and strange liquids spilled, on the floor, on the walls. Severus, sat by his desk, elbow propped on the armrest of the chair, chin propped on his hand, fingers covering his mouth as his index went up his face.

His eyes a bottomless pit.

The liquids on the floor were fuming and Hermione had no clue what they were, so she vanished them before approaching Severus, step by step, and taking a seat on the desk. She didn’t know what to say, or if she should say anything.

She just couldn’t leave him alone.

“I would have done it.” he said, after a while, his gaze still empty.

“I…” A deep breath. “I know.”

Severus opened his mouth as if he was about to speak, then he closed it, and said nothing for a very long while.

“I would have killed her. I would. If you hadn’t shown up, I’d…”

“Yes, but it didn’t happen. I showed up. I stopped you. Everything will be fine.” Hermione hesitated a bit, her hand hovering on empty air before she decided to tuck his hair away from his face. “Everything _is_ fine.”

He started to hyperventilate again. Hermione went to sit on the free armrest instead, passing her arm on his shoulders. It was going to take longer for him to get over it, much longer than the first time maybe.

“You lied to me.” He said, at least.

“When did I lie to you?”

“You told me it didn’t happen.” Severus’ lifted his gaze to her, tears pooling on his eyes. “But it did!”

Hermione almost thought he was going to shove her out of the room or flee again, what he did instead was to pull her to his lap, almost crushing her in his arms, his face resting against one of his shoulders.

He sobbed, and it wasn’t a dry one this time around. His tears quickly soaked through the thin fabric of her spring blouse.

She froze for a couple of moments. Severus didn’t want to be babied, but she pretty much wanted to soosh him into calming down, because it was heartbreaking to know he had been reduced to tears.

But maybe tears were good. Maybe they meant he wouldn’t grow numb, an empty shell of himself, like he would have. Hermione embraced him back as well as she could and ran her fingers through his hair, waiting for it to pass, for him to calm down a bit more.

“I’m sorry that I lied to you. I’m not going to lie again.” She said. “But… There is so much more I need to tell you. And it may be wise for me to go slow with it.”

He held her closer and sobbed again.

After a long while, could’ve been an hour, Severus finally lifted his head, still on the verge of falling back into his crying spell.

“What else did I do?”

“You were brilliant.” Hermione replied. “We wouldn’t have won the war without you. You saved so many people. You did so much good.”

While being a terrible asshole, yes. Severus didn’t need to know that, yet.

“But I couldn’t save Lily.”

Hermione pursed her lips. Sleeping with him was a terrible idea, indeed. In the end, he loved Lily. If she lived, and the opportunity presented itself, he’d pick her. He wouldn’t grow attached to Hermione as she could grow attached to him.

As she _already_ was attached to him, sitting on his lap, petting his hair, telling him sweet nothings.

“You can save her now. You will save her now. I’ll see to it.”

Severus pressed his lips together and wiped away a stubborn tear that ran down his cheek. Hermione shook her head minutely, cupped his face and kissed him softly on the lips. The last time she was going to do it.

When the moment passed, she’d be too aware of his feelings towards Lily to allow herself to fall. It was a farewell.

“Why not…” he started. “Why not just do to me as you did to Pettigrew?”

“As _you_ did to Pettigrew.” Hermione corrected him. “And your life is another one I mean to save. I know you could have made some choices you’d deeply regret. I want to see the person you can be without carrying this burden with you.”

Severus sniffed, and stroked her back, slowly but surely coming back to his senses.

“From all of this, I assume you know how to win this war. Since you’ve won it once.”

“Yes, I do. And it will be so much easier this time around.”


	18. Chapter 18

Hermione slipped out of Severus’ grasp.

“Where are you going?” he demanded.

“Sleep. I think you’ve calmed down enough, and you should try to sleep too, if you can, to give yourself time to process all of this. There is quite a lot more to discuss, so…”

“Sleep.” Severus echoed with a dry laugh. “You think I can _sleep_? After knowing what I did?”

“What you would have done. You didn’t.”

“Won’t you coming back to the past and meddling with all of this create a paradox?”

Hermione sighed.

“No, it won’t. I’ll explain it to you tomorrow. For now, I’m tired, and I myself need time to think and digest this situation, too. How do you think _I_ feel?”

She seemed to be so in control of any given situation that Severus didn’t realize she must not be having the best time of her life. Besides…

“Is there a way for you to get back?”

She shook her head negatively and left the study. Severus’ mind spun in circles, trying to picture what such a horrible future would look like for him. How he’d survive it. He did it, somehow.

He did need to pass out for several hours, not while his mind worked at the speed of light. And, to make matters worse, he destroyed his lab; luckily, a few vials of prepared potions survived, a sleeping potion among them. He took it in one sip and almost crawled to his bedroom, the world spinning around him.

His body fell to the bed, and unconsciousness took over him.

Morning light seeped through the cracks in the windows when he opened his eyes, although he felt as if only a moment had passed since… Since everything. Sleeping potions were great at knocking him out, though they made him feel gross afterwards. Nauseous, drowsy, thirsty.

Despite wanting to run downstairs and demand Hermione to explain the rest to him, he bid his time to fix himself up before seeing her: a shower was long overdue, and not because he needed to touch himself. He washed his hair, brushed his teeth and shaved as his mind centered itself.

Hermione came from the future. How far along in the future? How safe was it for her to be changing things so drastically? And she hadn’t even replied one of the most important questions: how did they meet?

Severus took a deep breath and climbed down the steps, tiptoeing though he was not sure what for. Hermione was in the kitchen, preparing an oatmeal for herself. She turned to him when he arrived at the door:

“Do you feel better? You look better, at least.”

Although there were more pressing matters, Severus could only recall her weight on his lap, as he let his eyes wander over her, still in her pajamas, a matching set with a t-shirt and loose gym shorts.

“I feel better.” He replied, as his legs took him to stand right behind her, close enough to wrap his arms around her waist, which he did.

He attempted to hold her chin and turn her face to him so he could kiss her lips, but she turned away and shrugged him off with an elbow.

“I meant what I said.”

It sounded final and Severus did not like that.

“But—”

“We were both a little out of ourselves last night, don’t you think? Severus, you haven’t moved on from Lily yet. And, you know, I get it. I spent quite a long time still in love with my ex-husband while seeing other people, but it was casual. I can’t do casual with you. Not when you’re everything I have.”

She turned off the stove and served herself, heading to the table right after.

“I moved on.” Severus said, though even he could tell it wasn’t quite true.

“You didn’t. Not yet anyway. Don’t kid yourself... It’s been five days since I kidnapped you. No one gets over a feeling of years in a matter of days.”

He let the matter go. Hermione wasn’t wrong about his feelings. Lily hadn’t written back yet, and they were bound to see face-to-face if things went his way. He couldn’t be certain of how he’d react, then, not having his meltdown over the prospect of having a role in her death.

Severus slipped to the chair across Hermione.

“Well. At least explain me how is it that you can come back to the past and scramble everything at your will.”

“Coming back here was an accident, for starters. I worked at the Department of Mysteries, researching time-travel. More specifically, traveling to the future. I mean to travel one hour to the future and ended up forty years in the past. As we speak, my mother is gestating me.”

“Couldn’t you stop yourself from being born or something?”

“Time paradoxes don’t exist.” Hermione explained, tasting her breakfast. She sighed. “Travelling to the future is much harder _because_ they don’t exist. Past is linear but the future isn’t. Time travelers disappear when they meddle too much because when they change something about the past, their time flows downstream to another future that isn’t the one they left. I’m not coming back to the future I left because I’m creating another one.”

Severus chewed on that piece of information for a while.

“So you’re stuck here now.”

“I am. Listen, travelling to the future is so complicated. The problem is that there are so many choices we make, we have no idea if the future we end up in is the “right” one, so to speak. There is no way to know. Traveling an hour is unthinkable, let alone forty years! I managed to build a time-turner for short time spans after years of research on my own, based on decades of research of other employees. I was stuck here anyway. Thought I’d create a better future to live in.”

“And a better future for me. And Lily.”

“And James.” Hermione stressed. “And Harry.”

“Harry? Who’s Harry?”

“Their son. He was my best friend.”

“Hermione, how did we meet?”

She smiled at him.

“You were my teacher. At Hogwarts. Imagine you’re forty, and you go back to the past and meet a twenty-years-old McGonagall, and she—”

“I get it, I get it!” Severus interjected as he sunk in his chair. “Let me guess. You didn’t like me.”

“You were the one who didn’t like me first.”


	19. Chapter 19

Although Hermione’s time meddling confirmed her fork in the road theory about the nature of time-space, a question left unanswered was what truly happened in the past of the timeline she originally belonged to.

Was there a Hermione Granger who crashed on the past? Did she meet Severus Snape? Because the one sitting across from her seemed dumbfounded that a scenario existed in which he did not like her.

What changed between the adorable twenty-years-old Severus and his more mature persona?

Though considering the recent developments, Hermione thought it was better that Professor Snape despised her, after all. Maybe he could have liked her a little bit too much, which would be very wrong of him to do, in so many levels.

Hermione sighed and downed another bite of her oatmeal.

“I’m not certain to which extent the things you did as a teacher were genuine, thinking back. You were a double agent, and you had to put on a show to keep Lucius Malfoy’s favor. His son was in the same class Harry and I were. Either way… I was such a teacher’s pet when I was younger. I went in on your class hoping to impress you because I wanted to impress all my teachers. You were terrible. To me, to Harry, to many other students.”

Severus’ face set in a confused and disappointed expression.

“Was I?”

“Yes. Like I said, now that I think about it, there is no way you weren’t faking to some degree, and you clearly were not cut for teaching and besides… I should remind you the Severus Snape I used to know went through things you won’t have to go through. Hopefully. This is what I am here for.”

“How… How do you know all of this about me? About everything?”

“Not everything.” Hermione said with a laugh. “I didn’t know how old you were.”

That brought a slight smile to Severus’ lips, who averted his gaze. She continued:

“There was a second wizardry war. In my past, Voldemort should vanish around Halloween of next year. Right now, no one knows which baby of the Wizardry World is going to be the one the prophecy mentions. As you’ve noted, there are many pregnant women around. But Harry and another boy were born around the right time. The Potters went into hiding, you realized the prophecy was about Lily and became a double agent for Dumbledore. The Potters decided to make Pettigrew the secret keeper of their final hiding place.” A deep breath. “Pettigrew betrayed the Potters. This is a bit after Harry’s first birthday. Voldemort went to kill the Potters, which he did, but he couldn’t kill Harry because Lily sacrificed herself for her son. Harry survived a Killing Curse, which rebounded on Voldemort.”

Talking about Lily’s death clearly made Severus uncomfortable, but he needed to know everything.

“So Voldemort died?”

“No. He’s made horcruxes. Because of that, he didn’t die. He vanished for a decade or so, then he returned, breaking the second war, in which you were a double agent and I was right in the middle of it, being friends with Harry. I went hunting for the horcruxes with him.”

“How old were you?”

“Young. Too young. Seventeen. And to answer your original question… I know so much because I went looking for the horcruxes. I also participated in your trial for Wizengamot after the second war was over. Your love for Lily, you leaking the prophecy, all of it was discussed.”

“Did I go to Azkaban?”

Hermione creased her brow, trying to find the right words to say what she was about to say.

“Severus, I’m sorry, but it was a post-mortem trial. Out of respect for your death, Harry pushed for legal recognition of your efforts on both the first and second wizardry wars. You gave Harry your memories before you died. If you’re wondering how I knew you are in love with Lily, or where you live… That’s how. I went in on the trial as a witness pledging for your innocence. You were a huge asshole, but… You did your best. You protected Harry and even me. You got me out of the way in a battle, once.”

By then she was well-acquainted with his signs of a breakdown, though this time around it seemed it’d be a minor one. He went ghostly pale — moreso than usual — but his breathing kept itself even, if a bit too quick.

“I died.”

“Yes. You were so young. You were thirty-eight.”

“I _died_.”

“I think you wanted to. You could have vanished your Dark Mark, I’m almost certain. If I figured out, you could have, too. You could have run away on the final battle, since there was nothing left for you to do with your cover blown. But you didn’t.”

Hermione wanted to comfort Severus again as she did the night before, however it wouldn’t be wise. Besides, somehow facing the fact he died in a horrible way hurt him way less than facing the fact Lily would have died partly thanks to him. He didn’t care about himself or anything else as much as he cared for Lily.

Even two decades prior his possible death, it was true.

She couldn’t help feeling jealous Lily elicited such a strong love in someone. Which made her all the more hellbent in sticking to her decision of not getting anymore involved with Severus than what was necessary to see the war through.

He’d never cared for her as she could grow to care for him if she wasn’t careful. She had loved Ron deeply, but it was gone, and her heart was ready to find someone new. It wasn’t worth setting herself up for such a pain just for sex.

Considering Severus was a virgin, it wouldn’t even be that good anyway.

“Which brings me to the reason why I looked for you and not for Dumbledore. I mentioned there were eight horcruxes in the second war. Well, one of them was Harry. Dumbledore figured out and hid it from everyone. He was raising Harry like a pig for slaughter, because he thought destroying the horcrux would kill Harry in the process. Out of you two, you were the only one who was in it to keep Harry alive. And I’m here to keep Harry alive, so…”

Hermione said nothing for a while.

“I’m not here just to save Harry. I want to save you, too. I could have told you about the horcruxes earlier and sent you on your way to Dumbledore so you could be a double agent for him and be in the Order of the Phoenix as Voldemort requested. But then I wouldn’t so sure you’d be safe.”

Severus snorted, his fingers tapping on the table in a nervous melody, his leg bouncing.

“I’m not sure my safety is worth using Lily like that.”

“Well, I’ve told you about the horcruxes. I can even tell you about a specific one for you to discuss it with Dumbledore, if you prefer. And I think your love for Lily is beautiful, Severus, I truly do, but you should never love someone more than you love yourself. If I weren’t here, you wouldn’t have the choice, but you do have the choice of being safe, and I hope you choose wisely.”

He turned to face her, a hint of amusement on his sorrowful eyes.

“There’s a first time for everything.”


	20. Chapter 20

Severus spent the whole morning pestering Hermione over the details. How on Earth does one create a human horcrux? How was the horcrux destroyed without killing Harry? He wasn’t unfamiliar with the concept of horcruxes and should have guessed Voldemort made some of his own.

But human horcruxes was quite the new concept to him, besides the whole time-travelling business.

“So my plan is to get you in the Order, first.” Hermione said. “And then figure out how we — or at least I — will get all five.”

“ _We_ will find them.”

“Well, _we_ will need to be careful. If Voldemort suspects someone is after his horcruxes, he’ll move them around and we will lose our edge. I think that our best option is to get all five at about the same time so when he notices it, they are all gone. But we don’t need to make any plans right now. Especially because there is the one horcrux I’m not sure where it is. It could be in a Gringotts’ vault. It was there when I went looking for it, however that won’t be until a while from now.”

“I could look for it.”

“Yes, but I assume Voldemort will trust you more after you breach into the Order.”

Severus nodded.

“I’m afraid so. If I fail, I am certain he’ll torture me and hand me over to all the pureblooded Death Eaters to do as they please, which will most likely end in a painful death.”

“If you fail, I’ll vanish your Dark Mark and you run as far as you can.”

“I will.”

“Good. Don’t you have to go to work in a little bit?”

The morning flew by in a storm of shocking facts about the would-be future which Hermione experienced, though the afternoon at work dragged its feet. He ran home thinking she’d be there, but Spinner’s End was empty when he walked in.

What did Hermione do when she wasn’t there? Where did get her money from? And every time, of course, he had to wonder: was she coming back?

Severus sat at the couch, staring at her open overnight bag. He reached for the white linen little blouse at the top, embroidered with red roses. The one she was wearing when he cried on her shoulder. He felt the fabric on his fingers and brought the clothing up to his nose.

Didn’t smell like her at all. Smelled like _his_ fabric softener.

With a snort, he put it back where it belonged. She must have washed it after getting it stained with his tears.

Hermione wouldn’t like him smelling her clothes, anyway. Wouldn’t like him getting anywhere near her, for that matter. He wasn’t happy with the way she became guarded, distant, if still as caring and attentive as before.

She didn’t touch him anymore. Didn’t let him touch her, not even an accidental brush of the legs under the table. Nothing. Zilch. Nada. It had been only several hours of that and Severus was aching.

Hermione compared his situation to her situation with her former husband, but he did not think they were comparable. She had been in a relationship with her husband. He loved her back, for a while there. They had something.

Severus never had anything with Lily. Loving her just… Hurt. All the time, even when they were on speaking terms. He never held her, they never kissed, they almost never hugged each other, and when they did, it was one of those limp, empty hugs. Severus didn’t know that at the time because Hermione hadn’t hugged him yet.

And he was so _tired_ of hurting. He wanted to be wanted. He wanted something real, not would-bes, what-ifs, maybes…

Yet whenever Lily’s name was mentioned, or he thought of her being in danger, his heart still did a summersault on his chest. He really didn’t know how it was going to be seeing her in the flesh again; whenever he thought of her, he remembered the teenager, not the married, pregnant woman.

Those thoughts kept plaguing him through the night and the morning after.

While he had his breakfast with a very silent Hermione for company — who had arrived while he was in his bedroom and already asleep when he went down for dinner —, he said:

“Lily hasn’t written back yet.”

Perhaps it was the wrong thing to say, if he wanted to ever kiss Hermione’s lips again, but Lily replying to him was a vital part of his plan. _Their_ plans of winning the war.

“She will. Maybe she’s just waiting for some privacy to reply. I saw her hiding the letter from James, and they live together, so perhaps she is waiting for him to leave the house.”

“Makes sense.”

Hermione kept eating her cereal, eyes down to a book she read. Severus took the opportunity to just… Look at her.

Part of the reason why he never had kissed before — besides his own face — was the lack of meeting women his age range, but after Hermione, maybe he should reconsider what his age range was. He couldn’t get enough of her face, and couldn’t get enough of her body, either.

If he had just taken the chance when he got it…

But he did panic. Severus could not yet imagine letting someone see him naked or touch him or… Many other things. Even Hermione, who he desired in a way he never did before. Desiring someone who melted like butter in his arms was leagues different from desiring someone who barely touched him.

He had felt the warmth of her skin and her smell and her small breasts pressing against his chest while she urged him to kiss her a bit harder.

Lost in his lustful thoughts, he jumped on his seat when the sound of a knock on the front door reached the kitchen. Hermione’s attention finally left the book, and she shot him a quizzical look.

Whoever was outside knocked again.

“Hello? Is someone there? Sev?”

“Is that…”

“Lily. _Fuck_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are actually five horcruxes not four lmao
> 
> Also the comments are all piling up on my inbox, y'all know I like to give thoughtful replies to each one and currently I am on beast mode writing the fic so if I didn't reply yet is because I didn't yet have the time to like give a proper reply


	21. Chapter 21

Severus thought he was quick-witted, but Hermione’s mind reached the speed of light. Before he could even stand, she summoned his frock coat from upstairs with a muttered “Accio!” and tossed it to him.

Of course. The Dark Mark. He never cared to conceal it from Hermione. His white shirt didn’t do a whole lot on that regard.

He tried to dress himself, and he couldn’t figure out the buttons he did and undid every single day.

“Oh my God.” Hermione complained to herself as she buttoned his coat herself. “Tell her you’re going!”

“I need a second.” he said out loud towards the front door.

Perhaps Hermione putting his coat on was not what he pictured in his mind, but considering it was the closest she got to him ever since shutting him out, he was going to take what he could get.

“Okay!” replied Lily, chirpy. “Sorry for showing up uninvited!”

Hermione finished doing the upper buttons and adjusted his collar, her hands sliding down to his chest and lingering there a moment too long.

“Remember, you are a terrible liar. Stick to the truth as much as possible.” she said in a whisper. “Good luck. I’ll be upstairs making no noise. Pretend you’re alone.”

She tossed her breakfast on the sink — so it wouldn’t look like two people were eating at the table — and ran, light-footed, to pick up her bag and vanish upstairs.

Severus inhaled a deep breath, heading to the door. Seeing Lily standing at his front door, with a floral dress and her pregnant belly starting to show, hit him like a brick to the face. She barged in, figuring he’d take a while to react.

“If James can sneak out to see his friends, so can I.” Lily said. “Forgive me if I will sit down. I’m pregnant, as you can see. From James.”

He recovered faster than she expected: soon he’d be closing the door and joining her at the couch. He already knew she was pregnant and had seen her in Pettigrew’s memory. It wasn’t the heaviest brick thrown on his face recently…

Lily stuck out like a sore thumb in the dark room, with her dress, and red hair, and bright green eyes. Severus didn’t know how to feel upon seeing her, sitting beside him on his couch.

One thing he knew: seeing someone his age pregnant freaked him out. He wasn’t even comfortable with the idea of having sex yet. He didn’t even _kiss_ until a couple days ago.

 “Should I give you my congratulations or my condolences?”

“It was an accident, of course, but… A happy accident. I’ll take your congratulations.” Her eyes scanned the room, cluttered with all the books. Then they landed on the floor. “Did I… Interrupt something?”

“What do you mean?”

Severus followed her gaze and felt himself growing red in the face when he figured out what Lily looked at. He picked the tiny piece of black lace off the floor — a pair of panties, if it could be called that — and pressed his lips together.

Not knowing what the hell he was supposed to do, he pocketed them and turned to Lily.

“Not really.” he said, and, of course, Lily didn’t buy it because he was a terrible liar.

“Severus, I heard a woman.”

Good thing he knew how to occlude. Otherwise, he’d be stumbling all over himself. Instead, he kept his calm, and remembered he couldn’t lie to save his life, so he said:

“You couldn’t have. She’s had a late night, so she’s still upstairs.” Both things were true, just not related to one another. “I wouldn’t want to bring her down here if I were you, unless you want me to be murdered in cold blood for bothering her.”

Hermione _was_ going to kill him if he did that, even though it was her fault he couldn’t pretend no one else was home. Then again, no one would see a piece of fabric that small and dark against the dark wood floor unless they were really paying attention.

“So you got yourself a feisty one.” Lily said, regarding him with an amused expression.

Like she couldn’t believe he had someone.

Severus couldn’t help feeling a bit offended. So not only she clearly saw nothing in him, she also didn’t imagine someone how else would. Due to unfortunate circumstances, he had nothing with Hermione, but… He could see now, as clear as a spring day, that she wanted him.

Quite unlike Lily.

“You could say that.”

“Well, unless you want to have little Severus Juniors, I hope you’re using protection.” Lily replied, leaning on the couch, relaxed. “I’ve always liked a little danger and now my little danger is four months along.”

“That’s… Quite too much information.” Severus replied, a smile curling his lips upwards against his will. If he forgot the pregnancy was a direct result of Lily having unprotected sex with Potter… It was almost funny. “Thank you for your advice.”

“Anytime, Sev.” Lily sighed, caressing her belly. “I mean, I’ve forgiven you, clearly. You really are an idiot. I just wanted you to say you were sorry and mean it, all this time.”

“I _am_ sorry.”

“But why are you sorry just now?”

“I just didn’t quite realize how I mingled with people who put people like you at direct danger. I didn’t think things would get this far.”

Lily nodded and pursed her lips.

“Peter is missing. Peter Pettigrew?”

“Is he?”

“Yes. He’s been off the radar for five days or so. Everyone is shocked, because… He isn’t a muggleborn like me. And, to be honest, I don’t think any of us do anything so important that Death Eaters would want to kidnap us. I think… I think he’s dead.”

Peter Pettigrew was, in fact, safe and sound on a broom closet several feet away from her. But Severus couldn’t tell her that… Maybe Lily couldn’t really be hinting at the existence of the Order of the Phoenix, either.

But that was what he wanted.

“I wouldn’t declare him dead unless his body shows up.”

“Merlin, Sev, you’re so morbid. Anyway, I didn’t come here to talk about sad things. I thought that maybe you could walk me to the playground. You know, the one we used to play at.”

“Of course. But I need to change first.”

He headed upstairs, where Hermione attempted to eavesdrop the conversation.

“You were wrong,” he told her in a murmur, before heading to the bedroom.

She went on his trail, albeit being careful not to make any noise.

“About what?”

Severus closed the door of his room softly behind her.

“About getting over a feeling of years in a matter of days being impossible.”


	22. Chapter 22

“What happened?” asked Hermione, one brow skeptically cocked. “I couldn’t really listen anything.”

Severus shook his head as he paced around in front of her, who still stood by the door. His fingers fidgeted as he did so, and his mind went a thousand places all at once.

“I don’t think I want to be friends with her at all.” he confessed.

“And why not?”

He turned to Hermione:

“She’s married and pregnant. From the person I hate the most.” A pause. “Other than Voldemort and Dumbledore, I guess.”

“But you knew that already, and you saw it on Pettigrew’s mind.”

“I didn’t see it in the flesh. I didn’t talk to her. I… I loved what we had, and what we could have possibly had, and even then… I’m not so sure. She thinks I’m disgusting. I don’t want to be around someone who thinks that of me.”

Hermione’s relaxed brow joined the other at a point in her forehead not far from her hairline.

“Really? What did she say?”

“It wasn’t anything she said…” Severus sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “It was the way she looked at me. I… Well, you left something behind at the living room, so I had to improvise.”

He fished her underwear out of his pocket and Hermione went from surprised to mortified in a split of second.

“Oh my God. What did you improvise?” she asked, retrieving her panties.

Severus could tell at the very least his ears were going red as he said:

“As far as Lily knows there is someone asleep in my room. You said I’m a terrible liar, but I think I did successfully imply this certain someone was sleeping in after I fucked her until early in the morning. Which, we both know, I would never have done even _this person_ would let me touch her at all. Either way, Lily didn’t really think someone would see me that way.”

Hermione rubbed her forehead and looked anywhere in the room but him. She paced her breath and sat at the edge of his bed.

“At least you’re getting better at lying.”

“I guess.” Severus started to unbutton his coat to get changed. “I can only hope you’ll stop this nonsense of shutting me out.”

He saw her puzzled look towards him and only then realized what it looked like. They _were_ alone in his bedroom. With everything going on, that fact slipped his notice.

“She wants to walk around the neighborhood, so I need to put on muggle clothes.” he explained.

“Ah. That makes sense. I suppose I’ll get back to the study.”

Hermione passed by him and he held her back by the arm.

“Promise me. Promise you’ll at least think about it.” he demanded of her, giving her a soft squeeze for emphasis. “I’ll concede that you’re right most of the time, but… Not about this. This isn’t like it was with your husband. You two were married. I never had anything with Lily and I’m starting to think that even if I did, it would have gone down in flames.”

Hermione raised her chin, not yet wanting to admit she was wrong about him.

“I’ll think about it. With great care.”

“Good. Now if you’ll excuse me…”

Severus soon was climbing down the stairs, aware his conversation with Hermione took too long for someone who just went to change his clothes.

“I was starting to think you got lost.” Lily observed when he showed up.

“Nothing quite so drastic.”

“Problems with your lady? I heard voices.”

The walls were far too thin for Severus’ taste.

“Well, she woke up and wasn’t happy about it. I just told her I’d be out for a while.”

“Won’t you introduce her to me?”  Lily said, standing up from the couch to follow him out of the door.

“We don’t know each other for very long. It isn’t like we’re in a relationship.”

Severus was very proud of himself for coming up with so many misleading truths. None of which he said just then was a lie at all.

“I see. So she just… Stays over?”

“She spends a few nights over, yes.”

He had to slow down his pace on the sidewalk so Lily could keep up. She was pregnant, after all.

“Where are your parents, by the way?”

“My father’s gone, my mother’s dead, and I’m still living here because technically my father still owns the house and I can’t sell it. Might as well not pay rent.” he said. “I tried to help when the fire happened at your house, but I arrived too late and there were too many muggles around.”

Lily’s both parents died at once during a fire that caught in their house. By then, she had already moved in with Potter…

“I appreciate the effort anyway.”

The way to the playground was silent. When they arrived, Lily promptly seated herself on a swing, and Severus took the swing beside her.

“Things are so complicated now.” she said with a sad smile. “I’ve always wanted children, but I wanted to wait until after the war was over.”

“Accidents happen.”

“Indeed they do, my friend.”

They said nothing for another while. Severus knew he had to do better than that. He had an agenda in reaching out to Lily, and she wouldn’t vouch for him to get in the Order of the Phoenix if they weren’t good friends, first.

“Does the accident have a name?”

“I’m not sure. If it’s a girl I’m going to call her Rose, because, you know, it was my mother’s name. If it’s a boy… I’m toast.”

“How about Harry for a boy?”

“Harry? Where did you come up with that name?”

“From the top of my head.” Severus said with a shrug.

“Harry James Potter. Sounds perfect to me.”

She flashed him one of her bright smiles that seemed to outshine the sun. Lily was a gorgeous woman.

But Severus wished to return home, to Hermione.

Twenty minutes was enough time for her to decide to have sex with him whenever he came around the idea of letting someone touch him, right?  


	23. Chapter 23

Hermione played with her earring as she watched Severus sulk on the opposite side of the couch. When he came back home, he knocked on his study’s door to let her know she could get out.

Then he went downstairs to sit, and Hermione followed, and nothing was said for a long while.

“Did things not go as you planned?”

“On the contrary.”

“So let’s roll back to the part where you explain to me why is it that you’re brooding.”

She couldn’t help being amused, actually. Severus looked less youthful in his work robes. In his casual muggle wear with the ripped old jeans and the ever-present rock band t-shirt, he was but a little punk pouting on his corner.

Maybe he’d consider tattooing his arm to cover up the Dark Mark scar.

“I thought I’d at least _want_ to be friends with her.”

Hermione pressed her lips together, thoughtful. Severus couldn’t yet put on a show that convincing; he had to be speaking the truth about his newfound feelings for Lily. Yet… How come that Severus, so easily swayed from loving Lily, could turn into someone so devoted to her memory, decades after her death?

Then again, she had to consider maybe Severus’ devotion lasted out of guilt than out of love per se. Love requires tending. A dead woman who wasn’t speaking to him for years before her death couldn’t put in the required effort. He played a vital role on her death and then was forced to spend most of his time inside the castle which must have held a good chunk of his memories with her. He never met her as Lily Potter and not the Lily Evans.

He got caught in an unfortunate downward spiral and having Lily alive in his heart was the only thing keeping him moderately sane — emphasis on moderately.

“You grew apart. You didn’t have much in common in the first place, did you? Except for living close to one another and going to Hogwarts, I guess. You weren’t even housemates.”

“No, we didn’t.”

“Well, but would you say she’d be inclined to ask Dumbledore to let you join the Order? He knows you eavesdropped the prophecy. He must suspect you’re a Death Eater now.”

“We’re going for an ice cream later this week. She said she is craving a sundae. Apparently pregnant women get specific cravings for certain foods. I don’t know. I hope I’ll get her to speak about the Order then.”

“I’m impressed.”

“I didn’t think I’d be able to pull it off. Like I said, I expected that I’d want to be friends with her, at least, and I frankly would rather not. Even if I wanted to, that’d be impossible. We’re too different now. All we have in common is our past. She’s married, pregnant, a housewife, and I’m a twenty-years-old virgin who brews questionable potions for a living. Pretending to care about her baby is quite the feat for me.”

“Now that sounds like you.” Hermione said.

“I suppose that’s cruel of me. It isn’t her baby’s fault that his father is a relentless jerk.”

Hermione had to laugh, which made Severus laugh too, and loosen up. When her laughter died, she said:

“In the meantime, we can try to check out if the horcruxes are where I think they are and get those we can put our hands on. I’m not sure if it’s wise to destroy them right away but having them at an arm’s length will make me sleep easier at night. Since I’ve changed things, I can’t be sure of what the repercussions will be.”

“Sounds like a plan.” One of his legs started bouncing, his heel making a banging noise on the floor. “Did you think about what I said?”

“I had maybe forty-five minutes to think.” Hermione pointed out, once again amused by him.

His nervousness, actually. Severus bounced back and forth from being a bit scary — she thought for sure he was going to jump on her in the bedroom, earlier — to anxious and insecure. She knew with the right circumstances his switch was going to flip and break on the scary end of the spectrum.

“Forty-five minutes is a long time.”

“For someone who’s twenty.”

Hermione wanted to believe him when he said he moved on and didn’t want to be friends with Lily anymore. And, frankly, he made a fair point when he said her situation with Ron was nothing like his situation with Lily.

But she was going to fall for him, and fast, if she stopped keeping him at a distance. Severus always had qualities she great admired. And he looked cute, still boyish and baby-faced. She’d take him for a ride anytime.

She would have, that first time they kissed.

“Besides… I think you can afford to wait. _I_ will have to wait for a while, won’t I?” she added.

“I’m sorry,” he said right away. “I’m really sorry. The idea still bothers me for some reason.”

“It’s fine. I get it.”

He took a very deep breath.

“I… I hadn’t even kissed, until that day, so…”

“Oh. I’m so sorry.” Hermione said, one hand covering her mouth.

Severus tried to hold back a grin when he replied:

“I, for one, am glad that you did.”

She looked away, biting her lower lip. How long did it take for her to change her mind? Fifty minutes?

Hermione didn’t say anything, though it seemed like Severus got the hint, because he slid to sit closer to her, to put an arm around her middle while he put her hair to one shoulder. He kissed her shoulder, and her neck. His attempt at kissing her mouth finally succeeded.

Took him a couple of days.

His kiss became less shy since then, a lot more demanding, but still… Pretty damn polite. He broke the kiss to pull her to his lap, but his hands didn’t wander much at all, and he put her to sit on his thigh, not his actual lap; probably so Hermione wouldn’t feel he was hard.

She wasn’t blind, though.

The moment didn’t last very long. Hermione was following in his lead and he grew overwhelmed fast. He pulled away, though kept an arm around Hermione despite not being able to look her in the face.

“You’re not trying to rush because of me, I hope.” she said, tucking a lock of his hair behind his ear. “I know you’re not ready. I won’t even truly want to have sex with you until you are. Though I hope you don’t need to use the study for a bit because I’ll need the privacy.”

“Why?”

Hermione cupped his face.

“I was trying to be polite about it, but I’ll need to masturbate.”

He blinked, confused.

“Do women—”

“Yes we do, Severus.”

Sex education in the late 70s was shit, Hermione concluded. He pursed his lips for a moment, his fingers pressing her flesh.

“Can I… Can I watch?”


	24. Chapter 24

“Why, I’ll even let you help,” Hermione replied, evenly.

She stood and took him by the hand, her steps light as she climbed the stairs with Severus in tow.

Though she originally intended to use the bathroom, now that she’d have an audience, perhaps the study’s desk would be a good place. It was the only furniture in the entire house that could be considered luxurious — it made sense, for Severus spent most of his time there before Hermione showed up.

His entire face was pink when he closed the study door. She led him to the chair and kissed his forehead before sliding out of her shorts, kicking them aside.

Severus wasn’t the only shy one, in fact. Even being married for fifteen years, in a relationship for Merlin knew how long, and after her post-divorce sexual escapades, masturbation remained a private act, from herself, to herself, for herself only.

But Google hadn’t been invented yet, and it may be beneficial for her if Severus learned where the clitoris was and what to do with it before anything else.

“It’s a first for me as well.” Hermione said as she sat on the desk.

Severus pursed his lips. One of his arms rested on the armrest of the chair; it could be that he wasn’t noticing the other hand went to rest right over the bulge in his pants.

“Was it strange of me to ask?”

“Unexpected, maybe. But smart. I’ve never done it with an audience before so I’m not certain how good for a show it will be. I’ll try to make it a good one.”

She brought her middle and ring fingers to her mouth and sucked on them, not breaking eye contact with Severus. Then her hand slid inside her underwear until her fingertips reached her clit. She leaned back, resting her weight on her free elbow, and brought one of her feet up the desk as she teased herself in slow circles.

A moan soon escaped her lips. It wouldn’t be very long until she came. Albeit Severus wasn’t touching her, his wanting gaze was helpful enough. After a moment he got a hold of her calf dangling from the desk and got Hermione to prop her foot on the armrest of the chair.

She threw her head back and laid down. Severus’ heavy breathing and his light caresses on her calf were the reminders someone was watching — and rejoicing. She closed her eyes and applied more pressure to her fingers, pleasure pooling between her legs.

Although at first taking off her underwear didn’t go through her mind, when Severus made a motion to pull down her panties, she just raised her hips to allow him to do so, without pausing her task at hand.

It would be a very good one for her, at least…

At some point, she heard Severus shuffling about and unzipping his jeans, but she had more pressing matters to tend to. Namely, her impending orgasm. Any trace of embarrassment had left the premises, by then.

The only sounds were of her soft moans and Severus’ breath.

Climax washed over her in record timing, making her muscles tense all at once and then utterly relax, as the air left her lungs in a strangled moan. She caught her breath back for a moment and sat up to see how Severus was doing.

Good, it seemed. With a hand in his pants. But he took it off when Hermione sat, as if he wasn’t supposed to be doing that.  

“I thought it was going to take you longer.” He said, apologetic, and closed his pants, not without a bit of struggle.

“Not with you watching. I can do it again, if you’d like.” She slid to his lap and squeezed his thigh. “Or… I can help you with _that_.”

Her eyes went down to signalize his erection. It was probably painful, since he wore his pants on the tighter side of the spectrum and it seemed like he was about to cum.

“Would you like me to?” Hermione asked. “I’m just going to touch you.”

He pursed his lips, but agreed with a nod. Then he said:

“Take off the rest of your clothes first.”

Right. Hermione kept her top. She took that off, finally, and tossed it across the room. Good thing she never cared much for bras. There was almost nothing to support anyway.

Severus’ hands wandered a bit, then, one going to rest at her bottom, another cupping one of her breasts, squeezing the soft flesh.

Maybe the fact he didn’t know much about women’s bodies could be a good thing. It meant he had no expectations. Hermione was way beyond the point of being embarrassed about having a nearly flat-chest at forty, yet sometimes she could tell men expected something else.  

But Severus seemed pretty ecstatic with what he got.

And so Hermione unbuttoned his pants and slowly lowered the zipper. Sticking to her promise, she didn’t undress him at all: her hand went inside his boxers and gripped the base of his cock, moving around a bit just to find a comfortable position.

Kissing his mouth, she gave him a slow, firm stroke.

He had to stop kissing to bite his lip and hold a moan. As Hermione continued to touch him, he held her body close to his, his head resting on the curve of her shoulder, hands caressing and stroking her everywhere.

His penis was slick from the pre-cum, stiff as steel. Hermione pushed him against the backrest of the chair and leaned in to kiss and nibble his neck while stroking a bit faster, a bit harder. Severus’ throbbed in her hand as he came, leaving a huge wet spot in his pants.

“You’ll need to wash your jeans.” Hermione said, all naked and sweaty in his lap.

“I barely use them anyway.” he replied. “I’ll go do that now before it dries, I suppose.”

But he didn’t leave without giving her a breath-taking kiss.

And squeezing one of her butt cheeks.

“I’ve always wondered what that would feel like.” He explained himself with a grin before standing up to leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I made Hermione flat-chested because I am flat-chested lmao 
> 
> It's hard being a grown adult with no boobs whatsoever but a girl can dream


	25. Chapter 25

“What now?” Severus said, sipping on his coffee. “What about this horcrux you mentioned you wanted to check out?”

It was all and good having a gorgeous woman who wanted to have sex with him living under his roof, but he couldn’t forget why Hermione found him in the first place, however easy it was to do so. A couple of days had gone by and she not mentioned anything about the war or Voldemort once.

Severus might as well fool himself and think she was crashing on his couch just because.

He wanted to ask her to sleep in his bed with him instead…

“I do want to find it as soon as possible, but, as I’ve said, we have time. And I think you need the break to work on your Occlumency. Voldemort didn’t probe your mind last time, but if he does when he summons you next, you’ll have quite a bit to hide. Maybe wait for the weekend? I know where in England it is but… I wasn’t the one who found it. It was Dumbledore. The location is hazy at best. Might take us a while. And your morning out with Lily is tomorrow, if I recall well.”

“It is.”

“Have you thought how you’re going to ask her about the Order?”

“I don’t have a clue. I suppose I’ll ask more details about Pettigrew and see where that takes me.”

“It just might work.”

Severus watched her as she resumed eating her breakfast and reading. He caressed her thigh underneath the table just to see her smile, which she did, then raised her gaze back at him. 

“What, Severus?”

He shrugged.

“Nothing. I was wondering… Would you perhaps know if I found someone else? In your past?”

“You weren’t married. Come to think of it, none of Hogwarts’ teachers are, have you ever stopped to think about it? Or they are all married but don’t wear wedding bands for some reason. I don’t think you had someone, no. You were… Very devoted to Lily’s memory.”

“Merlin. Was I _celibate_?”

He couldn’t imagine it anymore. His whole perspective had shifted after Hermione stormed into his life and he honestly couldn’t see himself spending his whole life… Alone.

Not that he had worked up the courage to have sex with Hermione yet. Though describing himself as celibate after getting acquainted with her felt like a half-truth at best.  

“I really didn’t care to know. I never thought of you _that_ way. We’ve gone through this. You were a terrible teacher and a huge, huge asshole. But… You may have been? I don’t know. I hope not. You could have used someone telling you to move on from Lily and stick with someone who was alive and into you.”

“So that’s why you made a point of telling me just that when we met?”

Hermione gave Severus a crooked, guilty half-smile.

“Yes.”

“I needed to hear that.”

He didn’t think he’d be able to navigate his mission with the necessary distance otherwise. The next day, when he and Lily met at Florean’s, she greeted him with a sincere hug — now that the possibility of him having second intentions was off the list — and sat down with a radiant smile.

“I’m so happy to be out of the house. And I’m not certain how safe it even is to be there anymore.”

“Why is that?” Severus asked, scanning the menu.

“Because… I forgot to tell you all about this, but the main reason why I sneak out to see you is because I can’t exactly tell James you wrote me. Your letter showed up at our house about the same day a prized possession of his disappeared. He’d think you stole it.”

“Nonsense. I have never been to your house. I got your address from Petunia.”

“And you think James will listen to reason when it comes to you? He won’t. Besides, you have no way of knowing the thing that disappeared exists. It’s… It’s an invisibility cloak. An actual invisibility cloak. It’s been with his family for generations, Merlin knows how many.”

“That explains a lot.”

“It does. But, just so you know, I only started dating James when he retired the cloak. Of course I wouldn’t go out with someone who bullied my best friend.”

Severus cracked one his fingers.

“He never retired the cloak.”

“What?”

“He never stopped going after me.”

A waiter interrupted their conversation and Lily ordered her sundae, while Severus stuck with the sourest ice cream flavor available. When the waiter went away, Lily turned back to him.

“I had no idea.”

“Potter has always been a bit of a liar, hasn’t he?”

Lily leaned against her chair, her freckles popping out because the blood left her face. Severus had to say:

“I’m sorry.”

“Did he lie about something else to me that I should know of?”

“For one, he saved me from Lupin because Black was the one who sent me there. They would all go to Azkaban if I died or got turned into a werewolf. I couldn’t tell you the truth because Dumbledore forbid me from commenting on the incident. But he can’t expel me from Hogwarts now, can he? Other than that… I am not aware of anything else.”

“What if he’s cheating on me?” Lily said, distraught. “He hasn’t set foot in the house for more than six hours for the past week. He tells me he’s looking for Pettigrew and his cloak.”

Severus licked his lips. The subject turned to the direction he wanted, but in a very unexpected way. Potter didn’t cheat on Lily, not that he could tell from Pettigrew’s memories. It brought him no joy to break them apart, if he was honest with himself.

Lily was very traditional in some ways. She didn’t date much back at Hogwarts because she wouldn’t kiss anyone and was saving herself for marriage. She wouldn’t divorce Potter — she’d stay married and miserable.

Ignorance was bliss.

Severus should have stayed quiet.

“Even _I_ don’t think he’d go that far. Which says a lot.”

She shook her head, her teeth digging into the dead skin of her lower lip, which prompted Severus to change the subject to what he wanted.

“What happened to Pettigrew anyway? I always thought he was a bit of a coward. What could he possibly have done to be kidnapped by a Death Eater?”

Lily sighed.

“If I tell you… You need to promise me you’ll keep it to yourself.”

She was going to hate him forever after the war was over. But she already hated him forever once and he survived.

“We’re best friends again, aren’t we? You can trust me with anything.”


	26. Chapter 26

Severus adjusted himself in his spot. He didn’t think he’d get through Lily so quickly, but then again, she _did_ marry Potter. Lily’s best quality could also be her weak spot.

“Peter, James, Sirius, Remus, all of us, we are part of something.” She said, lowering her tone to a conspiratorial whisper. “Dumbledore organized a group of people to fight back what’s happening. The Ministry is doing nothing. He… You-Know-Who is _in_ the Ministry. So Dumbledore got together a group of people who want to do something.”

“I’m not surprised by this.”

By that point, he knew well his acting wasn’t the best, so he might as well stay true to his actual feelings. He already knew of it, how could he be surprised?

Other people might not be, though. Lily didn’t notice it, but Severus cast his Muffliato charm around the table, just in case.

“It’s pretty obvious something like this exists, I suppose. Dumbledore calls it the Order of the Phoenix. And, you know… I don’t think we, you know, me, James, the others do much at all. We show up if there’s a raid or something. Other than that… We’re not really important. James is a rich pureblood too; he could lobby in the Ministry and do something useful for the cause. But he doesn’t.” Lily shrugged.

The subject was cut short for a moment, while the waiter served their orders. Once he was out of ear-shot, Lily continued:

“That’s why, even though we’re in the Order of the Phoenix, it makes no sense for Peter to have been abducted. We don’t do anything. I never told James or any of the boys this… But I don’t think we _know_ anything either? I think there is a lot more going on that Dumbledore doesn’t tell us. For safety, ours and the cause’s. We’re young, dumb and stupid. And if Peter was abducted by a Death Eater, then why not the rest of us? If anything, James, Remus and Sirius should have been, too. They are always out together, doing whatever it is that they do.”

Severus took a bite of his ice cream, pondering what he should say next.

 _Very_ sour.

“Then I suppose Dumbledore won’t want another young, dumb and stupid person in it, will he?”

Lily raised a brow.

“I didn’t think you’d want in.”

“I know more than most about how bad things have gotten as of late. I decided to reach out because I feared that if I waited more it’d be too late. Muggleborn people are disappearing without a trace. I do want to help, though I don’t really know if I can do anything useful.”

Lily went in for her ice cream, taking a minimal bite as she pondered over Severus’ words.

“Sev, if anything I think you’ll be more useful than any of us. You were a Slytherin. You are well acquainted with most suspected Death Eaters there are now. Lucius Malfoy, Avery, Mulciber… Don’t tell you’ve cut ties with all these people. Even though you should have.”

“I did call you a filthy mudblood in front of everyone a few years back, so perhaps Dumbledore will suspect of me, too.” Severus said, tactfully.

“Maybe. But it doesn’t hurt to ask. It was so long ago. You were ever younger, dumber and more stupid than you are now. If Dumbledore doesn’t see the chance this presents to the Order, then he must be growing senile.”

They ate in silence. Lily was ravenous, naturally, because she was growing a whole other human being inside her womb.

“Didn’t you get morning sickness, Lily?”

Somewhere in between his daily routine of waking up, honing his Occlumency, pestering Hermione so she’d give him a few kisses, going to work, honing his Occlumency again and going to sleep, he found some time to research about pregnancy.

Due to curiosity, but also because he started needing to worry about it himself. He and Hermione had not done anything since that time in the study, however Severus felt like he’d be up for something more soon enough.

And when that happened, he would love not to get her accidentally pregnant. Witches stayed fertile for much longer than muggle women did because of the lengthened lifespan. Even if Hermione wasn’t a witch, she’d be still good to go for several years.

“Not at all. It took me three months to even realize I was pregnant because I was just so hungry all the time. I had none of the telltale signs, well, except the obvious one. I just thought I skipped my period.”

They _did_ become actual friends for the first time, didn’t they? Lily never mentioned her periods before.

“Then I took a pregnancy test because… I didn’t even know. I really didn’t think I was pregnant, for some reason. Either way, I am. It’s happening. I’m going to be a mother. I’m already a mother. Freaks me out. And if it’s a boy I am going to call him Harry. I told James the name and he loved it.”

“You didn’t tell him it was my idea, of course.”

“Naturally. Whenever Dumbledore lets you in the Order, it’s going to be a problem. James has no idea we’re friends again. He’s going to think you want to win me over because…” Her voice trailed off.

“Because I was in love with you back then?”

The words rolled smoothly down his tongue. It was true. He had been in love with Lily. He still cared. He’d always care for her, but whichever romantic feelings he nurtured were gone.

“That. I think there’s something I should apologize about. I’ve kept you at arm’s length because of it. I didn’t want to reject you… You were my friend. You _are_ my friend. I cherish you more than you know, but I never saw you that way.”

“I figured that out after a while. Potter has nothing to worry about. I hope he realizes it before we’re forced to be in the same room.”

Lily looked down at the remainders of her sundae and smiled.

“I imagine he’s going to flip when I tell him I plan on asking you to be the godfather of our baby. He wants to ask Sirius. I don’t trust Sirius with a baby’s life. He’s going to get Harry killed. Or Rose killed. Whoever comes.”

Severus held his breath. In a possible future, Black’s idea did get Lily and Potter killed. Harry only escaped because of Lily’s sacrifice. Maybe it was for the best if Severus accepted the offer.

The prophecy could still leak, despite his efforts.

“We don’t want that, do we?”


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry I haven't been getting back at the comments :ccc I have a couple of exams coming up so I'm just sticking to the regular updates. Hopefully I'll get a free slot of time soon to reply to all the lovely comments I've got sitting on my inbox!

“So how was it?”, Hermione asked when Severus barged in through the front door.

He didn’t look quite so good; his cheeks had a faint green color to them. And he did take a while to get back. Hermione was already tossing together some lunch for herself when he arrived.

“It went so well I may end up being the godfather of _two_ children.”

“No way.” Hermione said with a laugh.

“What’s so funny about that? Do I seem even mildly prepared to have that kind of responsibility?”

“Do you want me to be polite or sincere?”

She couldn’t keep the laughter in as she retreated to the kitchen, with Severus at her heels.

“It’s not a funny joke to me.”

“It’s funny to me because… Draco and Harry hated each other. We were all classmates and we all hated each other, naturally. To me it’s funny if you end up being godfather for both.”

“I assume Draco is Lucius’ kid’s name.”

“Indeed it is. But other than that… How it went?”

“Lily will get me in the Order. Or she’ll try, at least. So I suppose it went well. However…” Severus approached Hermione and caged her against a counter with his arms. “I don’t want to talk about this right now.”

“Doesn’t seem like you want to do much talking at all.”

“You’d be right about that.” he said, leaning in to kiss her neck, and then going for her lips.

Letting him take the reins was very frustrating for Hermione. She wanted to pull him closer by his shirt and take off his stupid jacket, but she feared stepping over his boundaries like she did the first time.

It made sense, though. He just had his first kiss. People didn’t jump from that to sex on the regular… They just happened to live together for the time being, and he spent a lot of time at home, which made things a bit harder on that end for Hermione.

Then again, when he grabbed her by the ass and made her sit on the counter, settling between the legs, she thought that maybe it would be okay to do away with the jacket. And when she did that, his response was to take off her t-shirt and lightly scratch down her back, mouth on her collarbone.

Hermione’s response to _that_ was slid her hand down his chest and his stomach to fondle the volume in his pants.

Which made him pull away from her, pressing his lips together.

“I’m so sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize every time. We’ve been through this.”

“I’m sorry that I get you expecting more.” He insisted.

“Well, now that doesn’t need to happen anymore.” Hermione said, jumping to the floor and leaning against the counter. She took his hand and put it inside her shorts. “You took notes last time, I hope.”

“I learn fast.”

He wasn’t lying about that… Though Hermione had to maneuver him some to get his fingertips on the right place, once he got there, he knew the movements, and the speed, even the pressure she liked best.

Severus got her clawing on his shoulders and panting within no time. She came once, and it wasn’t enough. Biting the inside of her cheek, she made him put two fingers inside of her.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“More than that, I’d say.” was his reply. “Perhaps I’ll need to wash these jeans _again_.”

Although Hermione would rather like to have him inside of her, his fingers were a suitable enough substitute. She bucked her hips against his hands as he thrusted into her, softly at first, growing firmer when he realized it didn’t hurt at all for her.

Quite the contrary, in fact.

The second time around got Hermione’s thirst quenched for the moment. She let him take his hand off her shorts and kissed his jaw.

“You feel so good.” he said, short of breath.

“Hopefully you’ll find how much better I can feel soon.”

“I… I need to take a shower.”

Hermione smiled as she let him go.

When he returned, hair wet, he had his work clothes on, white shirt still untucked. Hermione was almost glad the Severus from her time turned out to be an asshole, otherwise she might have noticed he could be attractive.

That would have been awkward.

It was also sad to think they lost the chance of getting along because of the wrong timing, and Snape lived a miserable life because one of the people who would have cared for him was born twenty years or so too late.

He kissed her softly on the lips and joined her on the couch, leaning back with a sigh.

“Now that the blood has returned to my brain… I’m wondering if Dumbledore won’t question me about my sudden change of heart about the Order. Everyone I hate is there, including Dumbledore himself. He knows I eavesdropped the prophecy.”

“He must also know you didn’t leak it. And if he let you go without obliviating you, it’s possible he has no clue you are a Death Eater. I’d say it’s all a scheme of his, though there is no way he planned for Trewlaney to say that prophecy when she did.”

“Still…”

Hermione scooted closer to Severus and rested her chin on his shoulder.

“Just tell him the truth if he asks. You overheard the prophecy, decided things were getting out of hand and reached out to Lily. And when you learned how far along into her pregnancy she was, you did the math and realized it was worth working together with everyone you hate if it means she’s safe. It worked once, in my past. And it’s true. She’s the reason why you’re going through all of this.”

Severus looked away for a moment, then turned his gaze back to Hermione:

“She’s not the only reason anymore.”

He took her hand and brought her palm to his lips, cradling it against his cheek right after.

Hermione was forty. She’d been married, divorced, had many flings and affairs, all of that. She thought her times of butterflies in her stomach were long gone, and yet…


	28. Chapter 28

“I’d kill for a GPS.” Hermione said underneath her breath as she stared at the map folded open in the study’s desk.

It brought back some great memories to Severus’ memories, but most importantly…

“What’s a GPS?”

“Something that would let me find this bloody village so much faster. It’s a muggle thing. If it’s been invented already, it isn’t like there’s any around for me to use.”

“What else have muggles come up with in the future?”

“Many things. Mostly bad. Environmental collapse, for one. But we also have some good stuff. In a few decades, all music will be stored virtually, and I won’t have to walk around with a giant contraption and cassettes to listen to music.”

Hermione chewed at the nail of her thumb as she paced around the desk.

Severus wasn’t sure he got what she said, though it seemed unwise to bother her any further.

“It’s been such a long time since I ever had to think about this in detail. It never left my mind. Never. But I haven’t been thinking about where the hell is Little Hangleton.”

“There is a Great Hangleton right here.” Severus said, pointing out a smaller dot on the map.

Little Hangleton must be so little it wasn’t even mentioned in the map. Besides, if it was a wizardry village, it wouldn’t be in the map anyway.

“It’s… A bit far, isn’t it?”

“A bit, yes.”

Hermione sat on the desk, now twirling her earring, biting her lip in contemplation.

“I don’t think it’s safe to apparate there. It’s a muggle town I’ve never been. We’re going to get in trouble. And I’m already in deep trouble with the Ministry. Whenever this ends… I’ll have a lot of explaining to do. Maybe it’s better if we go there by train or bus or something _muggle_ , and only apparate back.”

“Then people will see us. Voldemort might pick up that we went there.”

“They might see us anyway and he isn’t going to look for it, either. He thinks no one can crack down the location of his horcruxes. Actually, he doesn’t even consider someone would figure out he has horcruxes. And I can go do this alone.”

“I don’t want you to go alone.” Severus said.

“I don’t want to go alone either, but…” Hermione sighed and shook her head. “Let’s just… Go for somewhere nearby instead. Then we’ll walk there. You should pack to stay over the weekend. Make it seem we’re on a holiday or… _Something_. Clearly there is not much to see that would justify someone spending the weekend, but…”

Severus perched on his chair, though he tried to make it discreet. Did that mean they’d be sharing a room?

“When do you want to go?”

“Today. You can put your stuff in my bag, if you don’t have any. I’ll spend the day out and we leave when you get back from work.”

“What do you do when you’re not here?” he asked.

“Nothing I want to talk about.”

“Hermione. Where do you get your money from?”

By then, after knowing what brought her to his doorstep, he was almost sure Hermione got none of belongings and money legally. She showed up with a bag filled with new stuff when he offered his house for her to stay, but between the night they first met and the following morning, she hadn’t changed clothes.

And considering they’d be going on a trip where money was necessary…

She’d need to get it wherever she used to get it from, since her trips out became way less frequent.

“From nowhere I want to talk about.”

“You don’t need to do any of this. I’ve supported myself and my mother before her death with ease. I get a cut from the profits at the store and they are more than enough for two.”

Hermione froze.

“Your mother _died_?”

“I’m living alone in my childhood home. What do you think happened?”

She came to sit at the armrest of his chair.

“I haven’t… Stopped to think about it. I’m sorry.”

“It doesn’t matter. To make it short, my father left. I wasn’t living here anymore, though of course I moved back to be with my mother. She fell ill and died. She was poising herself with my ingredients, and I assume she found somewhere else to get it from when I began locking them up.”

“Oh my God.” Hermione exclaimed with her brows creased. She learned forward to kiss Severus’ forehead. “I’m really sorry.”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“Why do you still live here then?”

“This house is in my father’s name, and I have no clue where he might have gone. I didn’t care to look for him, either. Since I can’t sell the house or do anything to it really, I thought I’d at least not pay rent.” Severus sighed. “What is important here is that money isn’t an issue for me. For a change. If you’re going to spend the day out doing whatever it is that you do to get your money, you don’t have to.”

“That would be just too much.”

Severus rolled his eyes.

“Quit being so proud, will you? I can help, for once. Let me do this one thing for you.”

He could see he changed her mind by the way her shoulders relaxed, and she swallowed dry.

“Fine. I’ll let you help me with this.”

“Are you still going to spend the day out?”

“I guess there is no reason for me to do that anymore.”

“Good. I prefer it when you’re here.”

“If you start bossing me around, I’ll throw you in the broom closet with Pettigrew.” Hermione threatened.

And it wasn’t an empty threat either.

“You’re the one who bosses me around.”

“It’s not personal, trust me.”

Severus pulled her in for a kiss. He was starting to get why people put their tongues in other people’s mouths to display affection. Weird, but enjoyable overall.

Hermione broke the kiss to say:

“You’re going to pose as my nephew.”

“Oh, I am so not doing _that_.”


	29. Chapter 29

“This might be the nicest place I’ve ever set foot in my entire life.” Severus said under his breath.

Hermione had been in nice hotels before, but she had to admit the hotel she ended picking — after a morning dearly missing having an internet connection — was nicer than what she expected.

It was a huge repurposed hunting lodge from the sixteenth century, surrounded by green hills and fully equipped with entertainment: a pool, tennis court... Southern Surrey wasn’t that close to London and there wasn’t much to see in comparison, so the hotels had to make up for it with infrastructure.

“I told you we could have gone somewhere cheaper.” Hermione replied in a low tone as they climbed up the steps leading up to the reception, laden with manicured potted flowers.

“Then you would have made me get two rooms instead of one.”

At least, if Voldemort went looking, it really would seem they went in for a quiet weekend and a change of scenery. Great Hangleton was thirty minutes away by cab so they wouldn’t spend the whole day away, either.

Because they wouldn’t be able to fly under the radar. They couldn’t be related, and a white man with a black woman was an even stranger sight in the eighties… Besides the age thing. They got some very confused and even judgmental looks on the train. And that was because Severus wasn’t at all physically affectionate in public.

Hermione reasoned she should get used to it already.

Perhaps it didn’t look good to others, but the last time she went for what seemed perfect from the outside, she ended up with a failed marriage — and it wasn’t as if she couldn’t have known it’d go sour at some point.

Still, she looked around the reception while Severus dealt with getting the key. The room was in his name, and he was paying for it, too, so she didn’t need to be around to be judged by the receptionist.

The room was very spacious, with tasteful décor inspired by the century in which the building was originally built. The windows overlooked the peaceful hills and the tennis court. Hermione opened them and let the pleasantly chill spring night wind come through.

Then she sat on the bed. And jumped.

No noise.

“Should we go now?” Severus said, perched at an armchair set up by the corner, besides a small table.

“I guess. It would seem we’re going for a dinner out. Once we check where we can apparate safely…”

“We should do that.” He said. “Get dinner.”

“Are you asking me on a date, Severus?” Hermione replied, amused.

Severus shrugged, noncommittal, though his pink ears and the fact he suddenly found the table decoration very interesting gave him away.

“Fine, we should get some dinner while we are there. I’m starving anyway. I’m going to change first, though.”

While alone in the bathroom, Hermione had the chance to _think_. Now that they were out and about in the world and not locked up at Spinner’s End, things started to feel… Real. She got stuck in the past. She met twenty-years-old Severus. And now they were… They were what?

Before having the chance of overthinking it and freaking out, Hermione slipped out of her clothes and into a dress she bought — having only two changes of clothing and washing them every other day got tiresome —, then she went back into the bathroom, where Severus patiently waited for her.

He raised a brow.

“This is new.”

“I got tired of having just three pieces of clothing. Shall we?”

Other guests were arriving for the weekend when they sat at the entrance lobby waiting for their car. Severus rested a hand on Hermione’s exposed knee, which wasn’t a big deal really, if not for the stares.

“Doesn’t it bother you?” Hermione asked. “The looks?”

“It bothers me more to pretend we don’t have something. We have something… Don’t we?”

His voice went soft and trailed off as he asked that, his lips pursing in nervousness. Hermione inhaled a deep breath and sighed.

“I suppose what would be one of my worst nightmares isn’t so bad, after all.”

“What do you mean?”

“You were my _teacher_. The one I disliked the most, for that matter, and you were dead to me for twenty-two years.”

“I’m glad not to be dead to you anymore.”

They didn’t talk much in their way to Great Hangleton. Calling it great might be a little of a stretch, and that would explain why Little Hangleton wasn’t in the map. Hermione minded asking the driver what other places there were nearby, and Severus got it right — Little Hangleton was six miles away.

She also asked for a recommendation of a place to eat, and so they ended up in a family-owned restaurant. The food was indeed excellent, but talking about anything important was dangerous, with muggles within ear-shot.

At least Great Hangleton had some good back alleys they could use. The way back to the hotel was much quicker than the way out, for they no longer needed to go back and forth by cab.

And then came the awkward part. Somehow sleeping in the same bed felt way more intimate than making Severus come, even though they weren’t going to have sex. She could tell the idea overwhelmed him still.

Patience.

Hermione was the first to clean herself up and slither underneath the covers. The nice smelling beddings and the overall comfortableness lulled her to a slumber within a couple of minutes; she didn’t see or hear Severus showering, and reading on the armchair for a good hour, stalling.

The movement on the mattress did rouse her. She stretched her limbs and turned to the formerly empty side, where Severus stopped moving, as if caught red-handed.

“I thought you were sleeping already.” he said.

“I’m definitely not awake, if that makes you feel any better.”

“A little, yes.”

He did work up the courage to scoot closer and cuddle her, softly kissing her neck. Hermione could almost cry. She missed that. Her fingers entwined with his, and he held her even closer to his body, smelling her hair.

Hermione slipped into an easy, dreamless sleep.

The reality was nonsensical and good enough already.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey peeps! I'm taking a week-long break from this fic because of the aforementioned two exams AND because I desperately need an outline. I make things up as I go along but my two other fics were just the two of them interacting and didn't have a horcrux hunt in the middle, so... I need to plan that. And the moment we all are waiting for in this story also needs to be planned out!
> 
> See you in a week!


	30. Chapter 30

Hermione could just win the war by herself without breaking as much of a sweat, Severus realized as he followed her down the road to Little Hangleton. Her Disillusionment Spell was so strong they were invisible to the muggles passing by in their cars. There was the bloody cloak, though it wasn’t big enough for them both.

And secrecy at this point of the plan was vital.

Surely Hermione would find all the horcruxes again if Voldemort moved their places, though it’d be that much harder, and take that much longer…

At a point, the road bifurcated, into a road to Little Hangleton properly, and a smaller path which made its way around the community.

“We should head this way first. Harry said the place was just outside of Little Hangleton,” Hermione said, wandering into deeper woods.

Severus remained a couple of steps back to enjoy the view. He couldn’t help being distracted. Yes, they were hunting for a horcrux, yet everything seemed so easy with Hermione around.

And her shorts were really short.

In his mind, he could have her right then, bent over whichever tree trunk was closer. In reality, they slept in the same bed and cuddled for hours in the morning, yet Severus masturbated twice in the shower because he couldn’t bring himself to do anything.

The path turned into a smaller trail. Two people wouldn’t be able to walk side-by-side if they wanted to.

“Now that we’re getting close, I should give you a fair warning, Severus…”

“I’m listening.” he said, eyes on the movement of her hips.

“Whatever you do, don’t put the ring on your finger. That’s how Dumbledore died.” She made a clicking sound with her mouth. “Well, how he started to die. You had to finish the job.”

Now that got Severus’ full attention.

“Excuse me?”

Hermione sighed.

“You sort of… Killed Dumbledore. But, he asked you to kill him. When he came looking for the ring, he put it on his finger, and it had a curse. You managed to hold it off and Dumbledore lived for a while, though… He was old, and there was only so much you could do. He’d die anyway, however he asked you to kill him if the situation got bad enough. And it did. A battle exploded in the Astronomy Tower and… You did as he asked.”

She stopped walking right at the end of the trail. Severus almost bumped into her, in shock. Not even in his wildest dreams he imagined killing Dumbledore. He didn’t see himself killing anyone.

Maybe that should have tipped him off about not joining the Death Eaters…

Hermione looked around with a hawk’s gaze.

“If you wanted to know how you died, that was the moment you signed your death sentence.”

“What do you mean…?” Severus said, his voice weak.

“Have you ever heard about The Deathly Hallows?”

He followed as Hermione stepped deeper into the woods.  

 “I have. I thought it was a child’s tale…”

“They’re real. The cloak is a Deathly Hallow. The Potter family and the Slytherin family are related, and they both came from the three Peverell brothers. Voldemort was obsessed with them, with the wands of the wands most of all.”

“The cloak Potter used to bully me is a fucking Deathly Hallow. Of course.” Severus mumbled.

Hermione turned on her heels to face him, with an empathetic look.

“Yes. Dumbledore had the wand of the wands, which he got from winning a duel. And then you killed him, which made Voldemort think it belonged to you. Voldemort had it, but he didn’t _own_ it. You didn't own the wand, either. Voldemort thought so, though."

“So he killed me.”

“Yes. Funny that I talked about the Deathly Hallows, because the ring has the resurrection stone. Which is why Dumbledore put the ring on…”

Severus wasn’t paying attention to where he went, besides following Hermione’s steps. Next thing he knew, they stood before a shambling shack, so well-hidden among the trees most people wouldn’t see it even if it wasn’t protected by very strong wards. He could feel the static in the air…

Hermione powered through murmuring spells and charms, waving her wand about like it was nothing.

“I’m sorry that I told you all at once like this. I just… Didn’t know how to bring it up. Besides, thinking about it had me mad. I never realized how Dumbledore asked you to kill him despite knowing it’d get _you_ killed.”

The insides of the shack weren’t any better than the outside. Worst, in fact, considering all the rot. Severus wasn’t much help, too busy trying to come to terms with his possible future. Hermione stepped on the floorboards with force, until one of the steps made a plank give up. She got it out of the way and revealed a golden box underneath.

“Like I said,” she went on, setting the box on a rickety table at a corner to work on its wards. “I don’t trust Dumbledore with your life. You just made it so far along the war because you were the only double agent. And I think… You became who you did because Dumbledore wanted you to remain that way.”

Severus leaned on a wall, fearing he’d faint as he listened to Hermione speak.

“If you had moved on from Lily, Dumbledore would have lost his leash on you. You did whatever he asked, whatever it took. You killed, and you died, because he asked you to. So… I don’t know. I used to think you were detestable. Maybe you just made mistakes that got you caught on a downward spiral. But I’m here now.” She managed to open the box, and floated the ring to a velvet pouch, that went into her pocket. “You won’t get caught this time.”

She approached him and tucked a lock of his hair behind his ear. She liked to do that. Perhaps Severus should let his hair grow longer, just for her.

He’d do whatever Hermione asked.

And he loved her because she’d never ask too much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lmao I know I said I was taking a week-long break but my first exam was today and I thought I'd treat myself by writing a chapter. My second exam is Wednesday so I should really go MIA until then (which is probs when I'll get to reply the comments left unsanswered).


	31. Chapter 31

Hermione dropped herself on the bed with a loud sigh.

“No one died this time.”

“I hope the other ones are as easy as this one.” Severus observed, and went ahead to sit on the armchair. He could see her better from there.

“Probably won’t…” she replied with an ironic sing-song voice, and then swapped to her usual tone, eyes on the ceiling: “One of them is with Lucius Malfoy, the second one is where the Blacks live, and Bellatrix Lestrange has a third one. Fourth one is in Hogwarts so that is safe for now.”

“So what now?”

“Now we rest and don’t think about it. One wrong move could denounce what we’re doing, and that would be terrible. He could change places of the existing horcruxes, create new ones I’m unaware of. It’d be a nightmare. We have so much time. Let’s just… Enjoy the rest of this weekend. Please. It has barely been a week since I crashed forty years back in time.”

Putting it that way, Severus felt rather pathetic for falling in love so quickly and so entirely. In best case scenario, Hermione would agree. In the worst case, she would never have intended for whatever they had to get so serious.

He was half her age. She’d probably want someone closer in age, experience, wisdom… Someone who could take care of her, instead of the other way around.  

 Hermione laid sideways to face him, propping her head up with a hand.

“You don’t look too well.”

“Considering I have just learned the specific circumstances of a possible death of mine… And now I’m not sure if it has been postponed or if it will happen earlier, instead.”

“You won’t die, Severus. Like I said, if something happens to you, I’ll go get you wherever you are. And, like I also said, I’ll vanish your Dark Mark anytime you want. I could do it right now. I’m not here to put you on the line like Dumbledore has.”

“I want to be on the line. What else am I good for? I _chose_ to get the Dark Mark. Now I must live with the consequences, whatever they might be.”

“Well… I won’t tell you what to do.” She said and paused. “Even though I sometimes feel like it.”

Severus crossed his arms in front of his chest.

“In the end I’m just a kid to you, aren’t I?”

“You are a younger adult, yes. Forgive me for trying to avert you from your natural path, which I know isn’t any good. But I don’t think there’s anything I could say to change your mood, so I’ll go for a dip in the pool while you sulk in here.”

“When did you get a swimsuit?”

“When you were at work yesterday, of course.”

Hermione disappeared into the bathroom, and she returned wrapped in a fluffy bathrobe, flip-flops and sunglasses on. She left with a bright smile and an eyebrow wiggle, while Severus was left indeed sulking about being useless and making wrong decisions all the time.

He couldn’t be a _partner_ to Hermione.

The phone in the room ringed, making him jump on his spot and scramble to pick it up.

“Who is it?”

“The weather is really nice. At the very least come sulk down here with me.” said Hermione.

How could Severus say no to that request? He sighed and ended the call. Despite wanting to stay in the room and not be around Hermione or anyone, really, he also couldn’t resist when she called. And he knew well he never did anything good when upset and alone — which described his life until that point.

Now he had Hermione, for the time being.

Dragging his feet, he went downstairs and looked for the pool. The day was very warm and sunny, unusual for that early in the year. Though that meant Hermione was swimming half-naked somewhere in that bloody hotel, so Severus was not going to complain.

He eventually found the deck, beside the restaurant. It was too early for lunch, so no one was around.

Which was convenient. He arrived just in time to see Hermione leaping in the pool, graceful as a ballerina, and he felt warmth pool in his lower stomach. It’d be awkward to watch her in a crowded place…

He went to lay down by a recliner, though she wasn’t going to have it. She appeared from under the water and rested the chin on the edge of the pool.

“Are you going to stay all the way over there? Come dip your toes in the water.”

Severus sighed and dragged his feet again, more out of stubbornness than anything else. Hermione seemed to be having the time of her life. In a world where he knew how to swim and didn’t feel too self-conscious, he’d join her.

Humoring her, he took off his boots and rolled his pants to his knees, to the sit by the edge with his calves submerged. The cool water felt like a Merlin sent gift in that summer in the middle of spring.

“Happy?”

“Ecstatic.”

She swam away to return and get her torso over the water line resting her arms on his thighs, hoisting herself. His jeans were getting drenched from all the water coming down from her hair — when dry, it floofed up to above her shoulders, though the moisture weighed down the curls and made them fall all the way to the back.

Severus didn’t mind getting wet. He was more concerned about getting hard in public. Despite his concerns, he ran his fingers through Hermione’s salt-and-pepper hair. She then sat beside him and wrapped her arms around his middle, resting her chin on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry if I baby you sometimes. I just want to make you happy.”

For effect, she squeezed his thigh.

“Happy isn’t the only thing you’re making me…” he said, in a warning.

But Hermione rather took it as an invitation. She put his hair away and kissed his neck, then ran the tip of her tongue up, towards his ear, and dug her teeth softly into his earlobe, the hand which was formerly squeezing his thigh now caressing it.

She pulled away before it got out of hand, though their gazes remained locked on one another.

Severus might be a huge nuisance, but there was something Hermione wanted that he could give to her. He went for a kiss and said:

“I want to make you happy, too.”

“If you’re thinking what I’m thinking you’re thinking, then don’t. Not for my sake. It has to be for you.”

“You just said you were sorry for babying me.”

“I didn’t say I’d _stop_.” Hermione retorted, though she relented. “Do you want to get back to the room?”

“More than anything.”


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been so bad with replying the comments :c
> 
> Again, uni stuff. I'll try to get back at everyone this weekend. In the meantime, enjoy this steamy update!

“This might just be the peak of my middle-age crisis,” jested Hermione, stepping backwards into the room, bringing Severus by the hand.

“Not a very good peak, is it?”

“It’s definitely an interesting one.”

Interesting was one way to describe the turn of events. Taking Professor Snape’s virginity was not what she had in mind when she crashed onto the past. Then again, he wouldn’t turn out to be Professor Snape.

Hopefully.

He closed the door behind his back, and she could see him swallowing dry.

In all honesty, Hermione doubted they’d get very far. He thought he should be ready; that didn’t mean he was. But in the spirit of holding up to her promise of not babying him anymore, she owned him an earnest try.

When he approached her and undid her bathrobe with unsteady fingers, she let him. When he kissed her — not holding on too tight —, she obliged.

“Touch yourself for me.” he demanded under his breath.

Hermione had to break her cooperative character to raise her brows and half-smile, sarcastic.

“Well, okay, _sir_.”

It was a good thing it took her a couple of decades to land on the Department of Mysteries. If her memory had been any fresher, none of that would be happening. She barely remembered what he used to look like.

All she could see now was the fresh-faced man watching her with a soft, lustful gaze.

“Please?”

“If you so kindly ask…”

Hermione lowered the straps of her one-piece, slipping out of the wet swimsuit, and climbed on the bed. Severus was stalling again. Instead of joining her, he went to sit on the damn armchair. But he did like to watch, and she liked being watched, so if that was all they were going to do… That would be just fine.

To avoid getting the pillow soaked with her hair, she laid stomach down, hips raised just enough to make comfortable room for her hand between her legs. It didn’t take long at all for her to edge herself close to an orgasm: her fingertips were already well familiar with the movements her body responded the most to.

“Won’t you come help me?” Hermione asked. “You know how.”

The mattress shifted when Severus laid beside her. The next thing she felt was a hand stroking her ass and going around it to slide two fingers inside… Besides the pair of lips on her neck. She could cum right then, but made herself wait to make it feel even better; she waited until she couldn’t take it anymore to relax and let it happen, crashing on the bed afterwards.

Even then, it wasn’t enough. She flipped around to face Severus and kiss him, her hands sliding tentatively underneath his t-shirt.

“Can I take this off?”

He nodded, and she climbed on top of him, feeling the smooth skin of his chest and his stomach. She had never seen him that naked before. And he never had a naked woman straddling him, for sure. He licked his lips, unsettled, when Hermione went for the button of his jeans.

“You don’t want to do this, do you? Would you like me to stop? I can just… Do what I did the other time and touch you instead.”

He slipped from underneath her and went to sit on the edge of the bed, with a frustrated sigh.

“What’s wrong with me?”

“Nothing.” Hermione replied. “You just don't want to have sex with a woman you’ve met a week ago.”

“I want to. Like I’ve never wanted anything in my life.”

Well, Severus sure was intense.

“Doesn’t mean you’re comfortable with it yet. And it’s totally fine, Severus. You’ve never been touched like this before. It can get uncomfortable even if in your head you think it should feel good.”

Hermione wrapped herself in a sheet before going to sit beside him, offering her hand for him to hold. He refused.

“I can’t even do this one thing right.”

She bit her lower lip.

“Do something for me, then.”

His shoulders relaxed and her turned to her.

“Anything. Well, except—"

“Use your mouth on me.”

Now that idea he seemed fine with. Hermione figured the problem had to do with him being touched. Anything else was fair game. He might be smart, however the idea of performing oral sex on her wasn’t going to come to him on its own — not when he thought sex necessarily had to do with penetration.

She unwrapped herself and laid back. Severus went on top of her, kissing her collarbone and then spreading her legs.

“I have no idea how to do that. Just so you know.”

“You’ll learn.”

He sucked on her nipples lightly before kissing down her stomach, her navel and her inner thighs; he got that right, not going straight for it. And he knew where to tease with his tongue, too.

“That’s actually a type of sex.” Hermione said, combing back his hair.

“I hope you’re not about to lecture me about this.”

She was.

Instead, she laid back to enjoy his mouth on her. He wasn’t bad at it — just a bit clumsy, really. But he got the hang of it because he knew how Hermione’s body reacted when it liked something. Arching the back, bucking the hips, quickening the breath.

Maybe starting out slow was for the best.

Severus’ fingers looked ten shades paler in contrast with Hermione’s dark brown nipples. One of Hermione’s hand was grasping his hair, the other stroked his arm while he worked her up for a second orgasm.

She came against his mouth with a strangled moan — the walls weren’t as thick as she would have preferred.

Severus came up for air wiping his face with the back of his hand.

“Perhaps this was not a complete disaster.”

“Not at all, really.” Hermione replied, cuddling to him by entwining their legs and resting her head on his chest. “Since you were so helpful, do you mind if I return the favor? I’ll just touch you.”

“Please do.”


	33. Chapter 33

“Are you really going to keep sleeping on the couch? Please.”

“I just…” Hermione stammered. “This is too much for me. We’re living together already. I adore you, but it’s too much.”

Severus was too much. Too much in anger, and too much in love, too. It was true for people in their twenties in general, let alone him. Hermione knew she got his full attention now. She had been his first kiss and was the first person he slept with.

Even though he didn’t consider it such because there was no penetration involved. But it would happen.

He stepped away from her and lowered _their_ overnight bag on the floor. The weekend was mostly perfect, but a discussion arose the moment they crossed the threshold of Spinner’s End.  

“Am I scaring you?”

“A bit, actually.” Hermione said. “You know how you want to take it slow with sex? I want to take it slow with this. I’ve been married once, and I’m not ready to do something like that again. Not with—”

“A person you met a week ago.” he ended her sentence, defeated.

“I haven’t met you a week ago, but… It is as if I have. I’m sorry.”

And yet she could not stand to see him that upset because of her. So she went on to explain herself:

“It’s just that… I’m here for good, Severus. What happens after this war is over? I wouldn’t mind if it was something temporary… It might not be after all, though.”

Hermione hadn’t thought about her future after the war. Though it rather seemed like she was on the winning team. What then? Was she going to be in a relationship with a twenty-years-old? Was he going to rush things into marriage as many people his age did? Could he understand Hermione wanted to take her time with it?

And she was so close to being in love, too. Even if she fell, she wanted to have her own space, build her own life, have the space to be herself away from Severus.

Was everything going to fall apart because they walked at different paces?

Severus took a deep breath and sat down.

“You’ve been patient with me.” he said. “I will be patient with you. Not that I can say I understand what’s going on your mind because… Who would want to keep sleeping on this lumpy couch?”

“It’s not that lumpy. I haven’t had a single backache. And I started to get those as of late. I just need my own space.”

“I’ll give you space. I’ll give you everything you might possibly want.” Hermione’s knees went a bit weak as he said it, looking straight into her eyes. His eyes were a cool black void, concealing the heat underneath. “ _But_ you can’t fool me into thinking this is the ideal situation. At least let me reorganize the study so it can be your bedroom. Is that a good enough compromise?”

Actually…

“It’s perfect.”

She was going to fall. Maybe she did at that moment.

“See, I can be perfectly reasonable.” Severus blurted out, breaking the moment and making Hermione laugh.

“You can. I’m very shocked.”

“Shut it.” he said, standing up to give her a soft kiss. “I’ll go do that now, so you won’t have to spend another night in this precarious situation. You didn’t even transfigure the couch into a bed.”

“Too much work, to be honest. I guess I’ll cook dinner. Don’t get used to it, though.”

“I’ll cook it tomorrow.”

She let him go with a smile on her lips.

Was it really all it took to steer Severus in the right direction? One single person who gave a damn before it got too bad? How bad of a lot did the Severus she met get in his life? It was worst to think that maybe he had been too far gone. No one with enough self-respect would withstand that level of abuse. And no one without self-respect would do him any good, either.

Well, that Severus was dead. In the timeline Hermione left, and in the one she created, too. Cut off from the stem.

Or so she hoped. She wasn’t in love with _that_ Severus.

The night went by in a domestic bliss. And he had done a great job with the study, too. There were still some shelves left, mostly because Hermione was going through his books at light speed. The mattress was soft, the bedding smelt delicious.

He let her go when it was time to sleep without much of a fuss.

The morning went by on the same fashion. Until the knock on the door, that is.

“Sev? Sorry for showing up uninvited again. I couldn’t write about the good news I have for you.”

Hermione made a move to go upstairs again, though Severus held her by the arm.

“Stay,” he muttered.

“I don’t think it’s wise.”

“Why? She doesn’t know you. No one knows you, or what you’re up to. You live here, for Merlin’s sake. Lily will keep coming around, probably.”

“Sev?”

“Give me a minute!”

Hermione sighed. Severus had a point. And she was a bit touched by his gesture, too.

“Fine. I might need to change, though.”

He shrugged and summoned his coat from upstairs.

“You look perfect.” he said, as he buttoned the coat himself and went to get the door.

With bed hair and crumpled pajamas? Hermione doubted it. But she did live there, and it was early in the morning. Severus was dressed because he liked to be dressed and was both a night owl _and_ an early bird. He wasn’t going to keep up with that sleep schedule in his forties…

So she sat back down and sipped on her coffee.

It was going to be a hell of a morning.

Severus opened the front door and Lily came in like a whirlwind.

“You know, Dumbledore was very easy to convince.”

“Was he?”

Then she looked over to the kitchen and Hermione gave her a polite smile accompanied by a wave.

Harry did have Lily’s eyes.


	34. Chapter 34

Lily hesitated for a moment, her jaw bobbing up and down. Then she closed her mouth shut, exchanging a meaningful look with Severus.

“She knows.” he said.

“I’m muggleborn. I have no choice but to be invested.”

“Oh. Okay. In this case, I’ll just say what I came here to say, and I’ll be on my way out. I don’t want to interrupt anything.”

She was so young. Too young to be married and pregnant, if Hermione were to be honest with herself, but… She too was married by the age of twenty. To make the awkward situation a bit less awkward — Severus sure wasn’t going to be able to work that out —, she said:

“Don’t be silly, have a seat. We were just having breakfast. Have you eaten already?”

Lily loosened up and headed to the kitchen with Severus at her heels, his face a mixture of pale and red splotches.

“I’ll have a cup of tea, if you have any. And since Sev isn’t going to make any introductions, my name is Lily.”

Sev.

Hermione held back a grin.

 _Sev_ immediately said:

“This is Hermione.”

“A pleasure. Sorry for interrupting your sleep last time.”

Hermione shrugged and conjured a chair for Lily. Severus went to get the cup of tea, clearly avoiding joining the conversation for the time being.

“So did Severus get in the Order, after all?”

“You really _do_ know.” Lily replied.

“A bit, yes. I know you were classmates… And you haven’t been in touch for a while due to a mistake on Severus’ part, isn’t that?”

“I _apologized_.” Severus stressed, coming back to the table with Lily’s tea.

“And I have wholeheartedly accepted your apologies, Sev. I’m sure Hermione understands it, too, if she’s here.”

Lily blew on her tea and took a polite sip.

“It’s been a while, but I still remember how easy it is to commit stupid mistakes at that age.”

That prompted Lily to press her lips, trying to figure out how to address the elephant in the room. Yes, Hermione was much older than Severus.

“Did you… Go to Hogwarts?” she said at least, tentatively.

Hermione thought about what her answer should be. Although she was older than the two of them, Dumbledore was already Headmaster by the time she should have gone to Hogwarts… If they ever met, he wouldn’t recognize her at all.

That could pose a problem.

Hell, her name could pose a problem. She had already been born so her name was on the waiting list…

“No really… Though if I had gone, we couldn’t have crossed paths on the hallways. I’d be a good couple of decades earlier.”

Hermione had a bite of her oatmeal and waited for Lily to make the maths about her age, though that took a while.

“Hermione’s forty.” Severus said at once.

“Oh. You’re forty. _Shit_.” Lily blurted out, then covered her mouth.

One of Hermione’s favorite hobbies was to let people guess her age. Black skin didn’t age the same way or at the same speed white skin did. Severus’ pale skin at thirty-five was going to have three or four times more fine lines than she did at forty. That, plus the small frame, would make the guesses range from late twenties to early twenties, if it weren’t for the grey hair…

She got anything from fifty to twenty-five years old.

After a sigh, she said:

“It seems I’m going through a classical case of middle-age crisis. I got divorced, changed careers, moved far away from home and now here I am. Having the time of my life with a twenty-years-old.” Severus smirked at that. “My former husband would laugh if he knew.”

“You _divorced_? I’m so sorry.”

Oh yes. It was a different time. People didn’t get divorced willy-nilly in the eighties… And Severus had told her Lily tended to lean more on traditional.

“Don’t be. Getting a divorce was the best thing I ever did.” Hermione cleared her throat and averted the subject to safer waters: “So Severus is in the Order. Now what?”

The situation didn’t let her process the relief she felt. Severus would be relatively safe the next time Voldemort decided to summon him… He got assigned a mission, he accomplished it. He proved his worth as a Death Eater.

“Now he has been invited to show up to a meeting. This is why I came in person, to tell the date, hour and place. Well, he knows the place. It’s my house.”

Severus tapped his fingers on the table, and turned to Lily:

“Does your lovely husband know I’ll be coming?”

“I haven’t… Told James yet. I will, though. Before the meeting. Don’t worry. No one is going to bite you or anything. He’s not going to fool me again about that.”

Hermione swallowed dry, remembering the scene she saw while delivering Severus’ letter. She’d love for Harry to grow up in a happy household, but maybe… That wouldn’t happen even if his parents lived.

“You know what he’s going to think, Lily.”

“Yes, Sev, I know what he’s going to think. But I’ll just tell him I swung by your place and had a chat with your beautiful girlfriend, so he’ll knock it off. It’s not like that anymore.”

It really wasn’t. Hermione didn’t even have the time to maybe wonder if seeing Lily more times would make Severus think again about his sudden change of heart. He cared for her, they cared for each other and, despite the time apart, were very familiar, but…

Not like that.

Good.

Hermione would be crushed, otherwise.

“Does Hermione… Know about that, too?” asked Lily to Severus.

“Don’t worry about me. I know.” Hermione said, casual, patting Severus’ hand. “He was never going to write you if I hadn’t talked him into it.”

“I was strongly persuaded, yes. Which I’m glad about.”

He brought the back of her hand to his lips, to a brief kiss.  

“Oh wow. I didn’t think I’d live to see someone convincing Sev of anything. I never could.”

Indeed. It took her death for Severus to do anything for someone other than her… Hermione couldn’t help flashing a smug smirk at the thought of being able to sway him without much of a sweat when not even Lily could do so.

She shrugged, and said:

“I'm his elder, after all. He has to listen to me."


	35. Hiatus

Hi guys!

As you all know I stick to a daily update schedule BUT I'm putting this story on hold until June 27th. Basically I have a internship at my uni and everything went very wrong with my research project, so I'll have to double up my workload, PLUS classes and studying. 

So I'll need to focus on uni until holidays arrive. I thought I'd let you guys know! I appreciate every kudos and comment as always, and I'll be back before you know it! 


	36. Chapter 36

Severus left out a deep breath after Lily’s departure. He could not believe everything worked out well. He closed the front door and returned to the kitchen, taking back his seat.

“I will have to leave soon. I need to report this.” he said to Hermione, who had resumed having her breakfast, though not as peacefully as before. “Before the Dark Lord gets a chance of summoning me.”

“I shouldn’t have revealed myself. You can’t occlude this morning’s memories.”

“And I don’t have to. I’m a half-blood. Voldemort doesn’t care about who I date. If he finds that strange, I could argue I’m using you to make my cover a bit more believable. We met around the time I was first assigned the task of infiltrating the Order of the Phoenix.”

Hermione lifted her gaze to meet his.

“So you’re dating me.”

“If you’re dating me back or not, that is quite another matter.” Severus replied.

He had taken a full leap head-first on his feelings for Hermione; he knew not how to be pragmatic or thoughtful or go slow when it came to his affections, especially if returned in kind.

To some degree, at least.

“But I hope you will, sometime. I’ll be waiting.”

Hermione looked away, pressing her lips together. Severus quite liked the change of pace when it came to the two of them. Now _she_ was the flustered one.

“You are an intense little trooper, aren’t you?”

“Isn’t that what you like about me?”

“Maybe.”

He wanted to kiss that teasing smirk out of her face, though there was a table between them.

“Come here. Please.”

With that bloody smirk still on her lips, Hermione obliged and smoothly walked over to take a seat on his lap.

“Don’t you have to leave soon?” she asked as Severus stroked her naked thighs, mouth on her neck.

“It can wait.”

He wasn’t as flustered when it came to sex, either — or whatever the fuck was it that they did together. His hands went easy underneath Hermione’s shirt, removing it, and his tongue didn’t hesitate parting her lips.

Nor did he thought twice while helping Hermione get rid of his stupid buttoned coat. Getting her to cum was becoming a skill of his: she leaned back against him with closed eyes, covered in sweat, while his fingertips stroked her clit just the way she liked it.

Severus could only imagine being inside her would feel like heaven if the feeling of her warm flesh pulsating around his fingers was any indicative. But that… Still set him into a panic.

Though Hermione was mindful of that.

“Can I take off your shirt?” she asked when he finally satisfied her enough.

When he nodded, she unbuttoned it slow, to give him time to stop. She didn’t ask when moving to his pants, though her gaze wouldn’t leave his face, in search of a sign of discomfort.

It was pathetic that Severus couldn’t go ahead and just fuck her like she deserved, however at the very least Hermione did not think so. And she could make him stop thinking about that by lightly running her fingertips on his cock, letting out a short laugh when he held back a moan.

She did not go straight to business.

First, Hermione felt the need to torture him by touching his stomach, and kissing his neck, and his mouth. He was almost begging her to go ahead when she did so, her delicate little fingers wrapping around his erection. Fucking finally.

She had her lips parted and Severus touched her bottom lip with his thumb. After realizing he could make her come with his mouth, there was something he wondered about but did not know how to phrase.

How to politely ask Hermione to please put his dick inside her pretty mouth?

Because he didn’t even know if she’d like to do that. And wouldn’t blame her for not feeling like it, either.

“Are you uncomfortable, Severus?”

Far from it.

“No. I am just… Trying to find the right words.”

Hermione stopped moving her hand.

“For what?”

“I would…” he started. “Highly appreciate if… If you…”

“The word you are looking for is blowjob, baby.” Yes, that word. “And yes. I was waiting for you to ask.”

Severus’ breath almost came to a halt when Hermione knelt on the floor, right between his knees. A squirt of precum came out when she kissed the tip and circled it with her tongue. He wanted not to embarrass himself and cum in approximately five seconds, but it was too much. Her teasing, and her hands on his thigh and his stomach. His hand on her hair.

He listed the ingredients of the Polyjuice potion backwards while feeling Hermione’s mouth, and for that sole reason he lasted about ten minutes before coming; she didn’t seem to mind some of it went to her face, dripping down her cheeks.

“You came on your pants. And we both need a shower.” she said, and wiped her face with the back of her hand. “I wouldn’t mind company.”

Now, he had never been completely naked around Hermione, though now that he knew what the insides of her mouth felt like — paradise, of course — and came on her face, he supposed there was no way she could come about the sudden realization she found him disgusting.

“I could offer you assistance, yes.”

Hermione smiled at him. She left her shorts and panties on the floor, making her way to her bathroom, and Severus went right behind, picking the pieces up just to prevent the occasion of someone visiting and finding another piece of her underwear.

She had already hopped in to wash her face and only then Severus hesitated.

Of course someone with her body wouldn’t think twice about stripping to nothing in front of others.

He took off his shoes _very_ slowly. At some point, Hermione turned off the shower to observe him with a raised brow. Then she stepped out, dripping water everywhere, to stand right in front of him.

“You know, I have just swallowed a bit of your sperm.” she said, matter-of-factly, her hands slipping into his underwear. “If that doesn’t convince you that I very much _want_ to see you naked, I don’t know what else will, so please humor me for today.”

Well, putting things that way…  

As if she read his thoughts, she pulled his pants down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello ya nasties 
> 
> I have broken my hiatus to present to you a completely gratuitous sex scene, enjoy
> 
> And as usual I'm behind answering the comments in my inbox but I've read them all and they are highly appreciated. I'll try to reply this weekend.
> 
> cya June 27th


	37. Chapter 37

Severus took much longer to arrive at the Malfoy Manor than he expected. He adjusted his robes a bit better before going into the study in which Lucius worked on whatever rich purebloods worked so much on.

“Severus, what a surprise! Please, sit down.”

He obliged, and went straight to the heart of the matter:

“I came to relay good news, Lucius. I have managed to gain entrance in the Order of the Phoenix.”

Lucius raised a brow, positively impressed.

“I almost feared you wouldn’t be able to make it.”

“Your plan worked like a charm. I spoke to Lily,” Hard to keep a straight face while saying that name. “And I will be present at the following meeting, soon to happen.”

“And I have something to help you with that. You and I are not daft; if not Dumbledore, others will wonder if you aren’t an infiltrated Death Eater, considering your history.”

Of calling his best friend a mudblood, yes. Not his finest moment. Good thing Lily was a forgiving person, after all. Not even the sincerest apologies would sway most people about that.

“What would help me on that regard?”

Lucius unbuttoned and rolled up his sleeve, revealing the Dark Mark. And, with a few spoken enchantments — no wand in sight —, it vanished, leaving behind unblemished ivory skin.

“It is spring, and the weather gets warmer by the day,” he said. “You won’t be able to get away with wearing only long sleeves.”

Severus wasn’t so certain he wanted to use that charm. One thing was to omit to Lily that he was a Death Eater, quite another was to so directly lie to her face. He could only hope she’d forgive him, yet again, when the time came for the truth to come out.

And he hoped such a moment would arrive, because if it never did, it meant that he failed and died before seeing the end of the war.

Still, it was useful, for something else entirely.

With it, he could claim Hermione didn’t have any idea he was a Death Eater.

As he’d soon find out, he could keep a straight face when thinking of Lily. Thinking of Hermione, however, denounced him.

“Severus?”

“Yes?”

“Is there something on your mind?”

Severus took a deep breath. Keeping it a secret from the Dark Lord for too long would put him in trouble, considering Hermione was a muggleborn.

“I have a girlfriend.”

Lucius leaned back on his chair, both brows raised now, fingers entwined before him.

“Oh. That is surprising. I almost thought you wouldn’t be interested in such… Matters.”

In other words, Lucius thought he was gay for not ever being seen or talking about screwing around. With his face, it was a very difficult procedure. Besides, after the Dark Mark, the women who’d be fine with it weren’t the type of woman he’d sleep with.

With a notable exception.

“She is a muggleborn.” explained Severus. “It was easy to convince Lily of my genuine desire of joining the Order when I am currently committed to a woman like her.”

“She has no idea, I assume? How were you managing to hide your Dark Mark?”

“I didn’t have sex with her yet.” He replied, swallowing dry.

It almost sounded like an outright lie after what happened in the shower, which caused him to leave an hour later than he planned, but it was true enough still that he didn’t flinch saying so.

“Do whatever you must for your plan to work, but don’t get her pregnant. I am certain I’d be able to find a pureblood woman for you, and with enough generations your bloodline wouldn’t count.”

“I shall keep that in mind.”

What was he thinking when he joined the Death Eaters? If he were at least a rich half-blood…

Of course, though, the Princes were one of the many pureblood families who had lost the glory — and wealth — of the past. When Eileen decided to marry a muggle, they didn’t wait to disown her. One less mouth to feed. It rather seemed Severus’ maternal grandparents died sometime in the past year, however whatever was left of their wealth went to a distant cousin.

He stayed back for some idle conversation, to pretend he went in to hear all about Narcisa’s problematic pregnancy, but he couldn’t wait to go home and pretend for a while he didn’t commit a grave mistake, thanks to Lucius’ charm.

Severus refused the invitation to stay for dinner, implying that now that he had a way of concealing his Dark Mark, he was in a hurry to finish a matter he left unattended with his supposed girlfriend.

He took a deep breath in relief when Spinner’s End door clicked softly behind him, and he was back in his living room, unscathed.

“It went well, it seemed.”

“I had to tell Lucius about you.” Severus confessed to Hermione, who had appeared right in front of him.

She went grey, eyes wide in fear.

“It will be safer than hiding it, trust me. You are a muggleborn. The Dark Lord will find it suspicious that I have been living with a muggleborn woman and hid from him. I told Lucius you were part of my plan to get into the Order. To pretend I’m not a Death Eater.”

“I have seen your Dark Mark, Severus.”

“About that…”

He unbuttoned and rolled up his left sleeve, revealing an arm free of any scars. Apparently, at least.

“Oh.” Hermione exclaimed. “That’s better. No one will suspect of you in the Order.”

“I can only hope… Lily will forgive me for this, later.”

“You did worse to her.”

“I would have.” Severus held Hermione’s face in his hands. “How can you live with knowing what I could have done? With what I did already?”

“I… Am not certain of it myself. I should have knocked you out cold and dealt with it all myself.”

Yet she offered him a chance of being better, instead.

“Well…” he said. “You need not worry about your safety. I love you. And I think you are well aware of how far I’ll go and what I’m willing to do for someone I love.”

Severus would kill Dumbledore ten times if it was needed to keep Hermione safe.

“I rather think the reason why I am still here is because I love you back.”

Twenty times, then. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao I didn't have the chance of replying to the comments yet because I'm a dumbass but at least we're back with the daily updates


	38. Chapter 38

Lily bit the insides of her cheek, playing with her food on the plate.

The Order of the Phoenix’s meeting would be in four days’ time and she really shouldn’t beat around the bush as to who would be attending, even moreso considering she and James were the hosts of the week.

But the timing was simply terrible. Peter had disappeared without a trace. Her mother said he spent the day at home, then left without telling her where he headed to — something, his mother noted, he started doing frequently — and then… Nothing. Gone with the wind.

All of that a couple of days before James’ cloak disappeared from their home and Severus reached out to Lily.

Yes, it seemed a bit strange for those things to happen in such a short interval of time, however Lily could not agree that Severus had anything to do with it. He didn’t even know James had an invisibility cloak. And what would he want with Peter?

Everything seemed strange, and yes, the timing was too close off. Lily wouldn’t dare say it, however it could be Peter got kidnapped by Death Eaters and tortured for information. The invisibility cloak was a valuable asset…

But why kidnap _Peter_?

Frankly, even Severus’ girlfriend felt strange. He was clearly head over heels for her and she sure reciprocated his feelings to an extent, however something about her felt… Off. Like she hid something or knew more than she let on. How she managed to have Severus wrapped around her little finger, doing whatever she wanted him to do, was a mystery…

“James, there is something we need to talk about.” Lily said to her husband, aware that was about the worst way to start a conversation already bound to end up badly.

“What is it this time?” he said with a tired sigh.

When did he grew tired of her? When did he became difficult to deal with?

Although Lily was young — and married even younger — she knew the honeymoon wouldn’t last forever, that they wouldn’t be a young couple making out in every discreet corner they could find. However, she couldn’t predict the fall from the heights of the clouds to the depths of hell.

“Sweetie, a new member joined the Order of the Phoenix, and he is coming to the next meeting, which as you know, will be held at our house.”

James begun to frown and let go of his cutlery to cross his arms in front of his chest, a storm starting to brew before Lily could even say something. He knew her way too well. He could already tell who this new member would be.

“And who would this new member be, Lily flower?”

Lily swallowed dry.

“I think you already guessed. It’s Sev.”

“ _Sev_.” James echoed in mockery. “The same _Sev_ who called you a mudblood? Snivellus? Slytherus Snake?”

Oh, those childish nicknames…

Though Lily supposed Sev was, too.

“After you hung him upside down, choked him with soap, and before you depantsed him for the whole school to see? That one, yes.”

“How do you even know this? Did Dumbledore gossip about it to you? Or is he the person you have been sneaking out to see lately?”

Lily could not miss the underlying accusation in his words.

“Yes, but not that like that. I never had interest in him that way and now he has no interest in me, either. He has a girlfriend, you know. He clearly loves her, and by the way he looks at her, you can tell she must be terrific in bed. It’s kind of disgusting to be in the same room as them. I hope they’re using protection.”

James was caught off guard by that lengthy declaration. He leaned forward on the table with a puzzled look on his face.

“He has a _girlfriend_? You met her?”

“Of course I have. Why would I lie about something like that?”  she replied. “The point is, he wrote me apologizing and we rekindled our friendship. After a while he expressed interest in joining the Order of the Phoenix.”

“To _spy_ , because he clearly is a _Death Eater_!”

“He’s not. His girlfriend is muggleborn and I am pretty sure she’d know if he were. He has ties with the wrong crowd, I won’t deny that, but… That could be useful to the Order, don’t you think?”

James shook his head in negative.

“I don’t want him setting foot in my house.”

“Well, it’s become my house too since we became a married couple and he is my best friend. I’m not asking your permission. I’m letting you know he is coming to the meeting.”

Lily’s voice trembled a bit as she said those words. Severus was the one thing James would never be a rational person about — Merlin knew why. It was a stupid school yard rivalry. Sure, it escalated to very dangerous heights, but…

“The real world isn’t Hogwarts, James.” she continued as he stared at her with a glare. “You two can’t continue this frankly stupid rivalry. And, you know, I used to think it was because of me. But it wasn’t really, was it? You kept harassing him after we started dating.”

“Oh, he whined to you about it already?”

“Was he lying to me?”

James went quiet and averted his gaze, his jaw locked. Lily averted hers as well, thinking of much of a fool she’d been. Would they be married if she had known of it sooner?

Probably not.

And James knew it.

Lily wasn’t feeble and stood for herself if she saw fit, however she was too quick to trust in people. James knew the easiest path was to just… Lie. Keep doing what he did and lie about it.

“Now you know. He’s coming. He will be civil, and you will be civil, too, because he matters to me, he is my best friend and I’m your wife, so you have to treat well the people I care about.”

“Will you keep using the marriage card for everything?”

Lily swallowed dry and picked her plate.

“If you didn’t want to be a husband, James… Then why would you become one?”


	39. Chapter 39

Hermione kicked the hornet’s nest.

If there was a positive way to do so, anyway.

Perhaps she should have been more careful. If it gone down in flames before the war was over, she knew better than anyone it’d mean serious trouble, considering who she was dealing with and the fact she depended on this person to have a roof over her head.

But it was as Hermione thought: her heart was ready to find love again and getting involved with Severus meant getting sucked into his intensity.

She laid her head on the crook his neck, naked in his bed, promising herself to go to sleep in her own room within ten minutes. Knowing his twenty-years-old never-touched-a-woman-before stamina, around the fifteen minutes mark he’d probably ask her to touch him again.

Or have his head between her legs, whichever struck his fancy the most.  

His question caught her off-guard:

“What are your plans for the remaining horcruxes?”

 “I suppose it’s about time we fetch Salazar Slytherin’s locket. It’ll be easier now that we have the cloak and we don’t have to be discreet anyway.”

Severus traced circles on Hermione’s shoulders with his fingertips.

“Where is it?”

“Grimmauld Place,” she said, and then added, after realizing the place meant nothing to him yet: “One of the Black’s family’s houses. You remember I asked you about Regulus Black, Sirius’ younger brother?”

“When you so kindly kidnapped me?” he asked, well-humored.

“Yes, that one time. He… Stole the Salazar locket from where Voldemort originally hid it and died for it, too. Asked his house elf, Kreacher, to keep it from him, and Kreacher currently resides in Grimmauld Place.”

“We’ll have to take it from him.”

Hermione took a deep breath.

“Severus, this time it’s best for me to go alone. You can’t risk blowing your cover by getting caught by the Blacks.”

“But—”

“The ring was different. This is a one person’s job and I am the one best fit for it. _I_ know how the locket looks like. _I_ know how Kreacher is. Have you ever broken and entered anywhere in your life? Have you ever stolen something?”

“Well, have you? Aside from Lily’s house.” Severus retorted.

“You have no idea. I broke and entered _Gringotts_.” Hermione replied with a laugh. “Bellatrix’s vault. At some point, she received her horcrux and put it there and… We needed it. So me and Harry and a third friend of ours, we made a plan and we did it. We got the cup, which was a whole ordeal. If anything, Severus, it would help me if you kept your eyes peeled for a certain Hufflepuff cup because… If it’s not in the vault already, we need to steal it before Bellatrix changes its place.”

“One day, you’re going to tell me everything from the beginning.” he said.

“One day.”

Hermione nuzzled against his neck and renewed her will to leave his bed — she indeed needed to get the locket and there was no point in stalling it any longer. The Blacks didn’t know of the locket; Voldemort didn’t know of it either. It was pretty safe to simply get there and take it.

With a kiss to his cheek, she slipped out of underneath the covers.

“Wait. Where are you going?”

“To get the locket.”

“ _Now_? You just decided?”

“Well… Yes.”

“Let me come with you. Or else I’ll go insane waiting for you to come back.” Severus pleaded, sitting up. “Please.”

Hermione bit her lower lip. Another thing he didn’t know about himself was that his puppy eyes were very persuasive.  

“Okay. You can wait outside in case anything goes wrong.”

Within twenty minutes, she was out of the door, armed with her wand, invisibility cloak, her memories, and… Severus. She apparated a couple of blocks away from Grimmauld Place to hopefully find a spot for him to hide and wait.

Indeed, there was bit of decorative shrubbery and a tree in front of a house not too far off; still at a safe distance. It helped that Severus always wore black.

“I think you should wait for me here.” Hermione said. “Don’t forget the Disillusionment spell.”

He nodded, though before she could cloak herself and leave, he gently pushed her against the tree trunk and kissed her until she had to come up for air.

“Severus, I’ll be fine. Merlin.”

He held up her chin and caressed her cheek with his thumb.

“I’m well aware.”

Severus wasn’t going to let her go if she didn’t disentangle herself from him, so she did that, put on the cloak and headed towards Grimmauld Place with frankly uncomfortable levels of sexual arousal for a burglary.

But it wouldn’t take long.

In fact, it didn’t. Everyone was fast asleep and by then Hermione mastered the skill of tiptoeing around. She only needed a moment to marvel at the sight of Grimmauld Place before its ultimate decadence.

It was already decadent. Dust gathered on top of the many heirlooms and shambling furniture. The Black Family was rich. It didn’t mean it had people with enough clarity of mind to keep a house going. Kreacher only gave up cleaning the place completely after Walburga died, however when alive, it seemed like she wasn’t giving the right orders.

At least Walburga _was_ still alive and her portrait hadn’t been placed yet. Hermione made a bee line towards the little nook Kreacher slept in, a cupboard underneath the stairs — not unlike the one Harry used to inhabit.

It had nothing but a dirty rag at a corner that had to serve as a cover, bed and pillow at the same time. Hermione stepped carefully into it, ears focused on the noises coming from the upstairs, where Kreacher had to be.

Then her foot stepped into a false board on the floor. Underneath it, a hole had been made on the ground and, inside the hole, rested the Salazar Slytherin locket, wrapped in linen. With haste, Hermione put it in her pocket and walked out of the house.

So easy and uncomplicated.

Hermione wished the first time around had been like that.

She strolled back to where Severus waited, leaning against the tree, and uncloaked herself.

“Did something go wrong?”

“No, I got it.”

“You got it.” Severus echoed. “It’s been ten minutes at best.”

Hermione shrugged and stretched her hand so he could take it, and they could get back to Spinner’s End. He did take it, but not before saying:

“For a pretty little thing, Hermione, you’re frankly quite frightening.”

She smirked to herself and said nothing.

The last man who said something of the sorts married her…


	40. Chapter 40

Severus didn’t want to do this at all, he realized soon after apparating on the road leading to Lily’s house. Unfortunately, after managing to sway her on his favor, it was too late to simply become a double agent for Dumbledore, as Hermione warned him against.

Besides, when it came to his life decisions, he trusted Hermione more than he did himself.

If it were for _him_ , the prophecy would be leaked. If it were for _him_ , Lily would have to go into hiding in a few months and be dead in little over a year.

He took a deep breath and kept on walking, if only because his t-shirt was too thin for the chill spring night breeze. It was for best to go and pretend he wasn’t a Death Eater at all, mingle with the people he hated the most.

The sheer _size_ of Potter’s house caught him by surprise. Or should Severus say manor? Grimmauld Place, in comparison, was but a dingy flat… He had always known Potter was rich; though the realization Potter had to be nearly as rich as Malfoy came as a slap to the face.

Funny how both sides of the war were mainly rich and pureblood.

Severus stepped up to the front door. Knocked. Waited, swallowing dry.

At least it was Lily who came to get the door.

“Hey there, Sev.” She said as she welcomed him in. “Aren’t you cold?”

“I figured I’d avoid impertinent questions by coming with short sleeves.”

Over their conversation, Severus could already hear the annoying, loud chatter of the dining room. It was going to be a long evening.

“You’re right. Do you want to go to the dining room, or would you rather buy time with me on the kitchen? Some people are staying over for dinner. You can stay, too, if you want, though I am nearly sure—”

“I’d rather carve my eyes out with a spoon, yes.” Severus cut her off. “To the kitchen, please.”

“There won’t be a chance of you all ever managing to be in a room peacefully, will there?” Lily said, taking the lead to the kitchen, which was far too close to the dining room for Severus’ liking.

“If one of us is dead, perhaps.”

Lily ignored that morbid commentary and rushed him over into a kitchen that had to be about the size of his living room, including a kitchen table that was the size of his dining one, though Severus felt more at ease there: it was clearly Lily’s domain of the house. He took a seat without hesitation, and she went straight to the stove to check on the food.

“Do you want something to drink?” she asked.

“I _need_ something to drink.”

Lily strolled over to the fridge, and said:

“Butter or muggle?”

“Butter.”

Less alcohol content. He need not worry so much about occluding, however he did need to worry about keeping his temper in check; it’d be harder to do so if he were drunk. Lily popped open a bottle and set it before him, then sat down right across.

“Tonight is going to be a nightmare, isn’t it?”

“He’ll get over it, I hope.”

Severus himself knew he was never going to get over it. He wouldn’t be in such a predicament on his own will; surviving the war was the only reason he could bring himself to be a part of Lily’s life.

He began to like her better than he did when first meeting her again, but still… There was no way for him to be a friend of hers while not bearing to be in her husband’s presence.

However, Severus was playing a part. For Dumbledore, for Lily, for Voldemort. The apologetic childhood friend, willing to let go of the past. For that night, he’d have to handle it.

Which was why, when Potter stormed into the kitchen, asking who knocked on the door, Severus tipped his beer, with the arm where his Dark Mark would be if he hadn’t concealed it.

“You didn’t expect me to be on your presence a second more than what I had to, did you?” he said.

Well, it’d seem suspicious if he were _too_ willing to forgive and move on.

Potter turned to Lily. If Severus could describe the way Potter dressed, it’d have to be pretentious dishevelment: the light sweater alone had to be the price of Severus’ entire wardrobe. He was a rich pureblood and it showed. Try as he might, he’d could never replicate the way a common muggle would dress.  

“You said he’d be civil.”

“For Sev’s standards, I’d say it’s almost friendly.” Lily replied, unmoved. “Could you please pay attention to the door? I’ll be here catching up with him for a bit before the meeting, and Dumbledore should be arriving soon.”

Potter had his lips set in a thin line; Severus, on the other hand, enjoyed having the upper hand for once.

“We will have to talk to him about who’s letting into the Order.”

Severus could reply with a snarky one-liner about Dumbledore, though he kept quiet as Potter went away.

“That went… Well.” Lily said, tentatively.

“Potter never did anything to me without three backups. I suppose it is possible for us to have peace tonight, considering there are only two present.”

Lily bit her lower lip and shook her head, rubbing her hands together.

“Be honest, Severus. Do you seriously think Peter is still alive?”

“Like I said, unless a body shows up…”

And because he knew where Peter was, well alive, his reply sounded genuine. Lily nodded, recomforted by it. They remained in silence, and there was another knock on the door. Potter went to get it; Severus could tell it was Dumbledore by the silence that fell on the living room.

“We should be heading out.” Lily said, standing up first.

Severus left his beer and soon followed. He thought the room was silent until he walked in — the silence then became sepulchral. Everyone heard of the Slytherin kid that called Lily a mudblood in front of the entire Hogwarts.

Some of the people in the room even had seen Severus’ dick.

Yes, including Potter.

Severus didn’t like thinking about that much.


	41. Chapter 41

“As you can see,” said Dumbledore, nonchalant. “We have a new member, which some of you are already acquainted with.”

To which Black promptly responded:

“Which, may I add with all due respect, Headmaster, is a questionable decision.”

As if letting Peter Pettigrew into the Order _wasn’t_. Lily rolled her eyes beside Severus, contrary to the wave of slight nods of agreement, some less slight than others. The new member himself wished to disappear into the ground, though remained with his back straight, chin raised.

He wished Hermione was with him.

Since, as it seemed, the Order of the Phoenix was nothing but a congregation of people who had seen him without pants. It wouldn’t be complete without her presence.

“Can I just say, my house was broken into the day _he_ sent a letter to my wife?” Potter joined the outraged choir. “Something precious of mine was stolen.”

“I have already discussed this matter with the wife in question, James. An untimely coincidence, is all.”

But Severus knew: Dumbledore didn’t cross the possibility of him being a Death Eater just yet. If anything, the Headmaster seemed confused at all the _untimely coincidences_ happening. Potter was right. There was a connection between Pettigrew’s disappearance, and his cloak vanishing from his home, and Severus joining the Order after overhearing the prophecy — which, by the way, no one seemed to have heard of.

Dumbledore looked over the room, somber.

“This meeting has a clear purpose,” he said. “And we shall not stray from it. As we know, a cherished member of the Order has been gone for nearly a month. This is a serious concern.”

A puzzling concern. None of the people in the room had information precious enough to make a kidnap worth the trouble, less of all Pettigrew. Well, kidnapping him would have been much more difficult if he didn’t have a fucking Dark Mark.

“We don’t have new information,” Lupin said. “James, Sirius and I have been looking everywhere, asking everyone who might have seen him the day he disappeared.” A heavy pause. “The only clue we know is from his mother, that he started sneaking out of the house at night. We crossed the dates, and it wasn’t with us.”

Severus wanted so bad to spill the beans or lead them into the right conclusion just so he could see the look in their faces. He wondered how that would look for Voldemort, when came in the time to relay what he learned from the meeting.

A whole bunch of nothing, that was what.

Though perhaps Voldemort would be interested to know Dumbledore had no clue Pettigrew was a Death Eater and no involvement in the kidnapping. A puzzling mystery, to Dumbledore and Voldemort alike.

“The heart of the mystery lies in finding out who Peter has been meeting with. Perhaps he was being threatened by someone.”

“By Death Eaters, you mean.” said Frank Longbottom. “Who else would have done this?”

A five feet tall woman with nerves of steel and a wonderful ass.

 “I am not certain. But presuming leads to wrong conclusions.” Dumbledore replied.

Silence fell upon the room. They were walking in circles at that point and they knew it.

“Could he… Could he be dead?” said a young woman Severus only knew by passing. A Hufflepuff, maybe.

“We can’t assume that unless his body shows up.” Lily replied.

“Then must we begin looking for a body? Is that what it has come down to?”

The meeting ended there. People exploded in questions and murmurs and exclamations and preparations to go into hiding.

“I think James and I are bound to move out soon. He didn’t lose the cloak. I _saw_ it on the dirty clothing hamper. Someone did come to our house and stole it for a reason.” Lily confided in Severus. “It was probably stupid to hold the meeting here.”

He had to agree. Hermione posed no threat — on the contrary — but Lily didn’t know that. In fact, insofar Hermione seemed more so an unknowable, chaotic force behind a series of unfortunate and unlikely events.

“It probably was.”

“It’s just… All of it… It’s just so weird, right? All of these things happening one close to another, and we don’t why, we don’t know who is doing it… James’ cloak has been gone for a while and we didn’t hear of an invisible Death Eater so far. Besides… What use could the Death Eaters have for it if we know there is an invisibility cloak and they have it?”

Severus hoped to explain everything to Lily when it was all over.

He didn’t stay for much longer after that — there was no reason to. No one talked about anything interesting. Everyone suspected of him, even Dumbledore, and so whichever important subject they had to discuss, it wouldn’t be with him within earshot.

Two years out of Hogwarts, Severus got a bit rusty. He didn’t notice Potter, Black and Lupin weren’t there when he left. In fact, he only put two and two together when he realized someone followed him out of the house.

Untouched greenery surrounded the Potter Manor on such a cloudy night, making for the perfect place for three people up to no good to hide and bid their time.

Severus could just… Leave right then. Apparate away and forget all about it… But he wasn’t about to be the bigger person, was he? He kept walking down the road, ears focused on the leaves rustling under stealthy feet — or so the owners of such feet thought.

Then he felt a familiar tug on his ankle. Within a split of second, he’d be hanging upside down. This time, though, he had his wand. Blindly, he whipped it in all directions, until he heard the first exclamation of pain.

“My eye!”

With a loud thud, Severus fell on the floor. He stood to see Potter covering one of his eyes with a hand, his glasses broken, blood spurting from behind his fingers. Under the moonlight, the waterfall of blood looked blue.


	42. Chapter 42

Okay.

Hermione knew all along something bad was going to happen, but even her worst expectations were surpassed when she received a note from Severus, asking her to meet him at St. Mungos “if she wasn’t up to much”.

He was fine, he said.

Still, even if Hermione had been “up to much” that evening, she’d drop everything to find out who _wasn’t_ fine, though she already had her own suspicions, proven correct when she stepped into St. Mungos’ reception area.

Against a wall, sat on a line of rickety chairs, a row of young adults looked as guilty as students waiting in line for the Headmaster’s office. Lily and Severus sat beside one another, then there was an empty chair, then Sirius and Lupin. They all were smeared in blood.

On her lap, Lily held a pair of glasses, one of its lenses cut neatly on a diagonal.

Hermione need not ask to know the answer. She took a deep breath and approached the group. Severus was the first to see her; he perched up on his chair, calling everyone’s attention to the person who caught his gaze.

She never liked Sirius much. And she feared she was about to outright hate him, by the way he measured her with his gaze.

Though she ignored him. They were nothing to each other yet, and hopefully would never be.

Instead, she said to Severus:

“You sliced James’ eye.”

It came out softly from her lips. If Lily still sat beside him, teary-eyed as she were, it couldn’t have been unprovoked.

“Indeed I have.” he said, unapologetic, though his voice was shaken, and he was white as chalk.

His nails were caked with dried blood underneath them, too.

“You could have killed him, Sev!” Lily chided on a shrill voice. “Whatever you did, it could have caught his neck, and you wouldn’t have the time to undo it before he bled out.”

“It almost caught _my_ neck!” Black retorted, and Hermione saw a lock of his hair was cut short by two inches. Eerily close to his neck indeed.

“Now there is something to consider before trying to ambush me again.”

Hermione rubbed her face and sat down on the empty chair, not knowing on who to place the blame, much like Lily. Angry as she was, for her husband lost an eye it rather seemed, she still called her childhood friend “Sev”.

“What happened?” Hermione asked, hoping for some clarification.

“Potter, Black and Lupin tried to ambush me as I walked out of Potter’s house. For old time’s sake, I suppose. They used another spell of mine, Levicorpus, to hoist me from the ground. I threw about me whichever hexes and spells I knew, and in this way I sliced Potter’s eye open.” A pause. “I have a spell to undo Sectumsempra, but… His eye was already ruined. The… The contents inside had slipped out. I tried to…” Another pause. “I _tried_. I didn’t mean for this happen. All I wanted was for them to stop.”

“With Dark Arts?” Lily pressed, not managing to look her friend in the face.

“By whatever means necessary.” he replied. “I am not going to be sorry for this. If they couldn’t handle my defense, they shouldn’t have ambushed me in the first place. For all it is worth, though, I truly didn’t mean for this to happen.”

For someone so smart, he threw logic out of the window at times. Like using a slicing spell to defend himself when he didn’t want anyone to get seriously hurt.

He _could_ have killed someone with it.

Hermione realized she was in too deep because she wasn’t even angry. Just resigned. She already knew he could be cruel and thoughtless and came to care for him all the same. Hopefully, it would all be a gentler lesson than the one the Snape she once knew learned when he leaked the prophecy.

And even then, she wasn’t sure he learned it.

“Why are we waiting here?”

“Since I’ve created the spell, the healers want me to stick around in case they need to ask something. Besides… I didn’t want to leave Lily alone. But I wanted you to be here.”

She laid her head on his shoulder with a sigh.

“Who did you call here anyway?” Black said, on a drawl. “Your _mother_?”

“His mother is dead, you asshole.”

Lily cursed a lot for someone who didn’t like swearing. Perhaps Hermione only got to see her when she was bit out of herself.

“It almost seems like I sliced both of your eyes and not one of Potter’s.” Severus replied, smooth.

All of that made Lupin finally pronounce himself:

“Sirius, will you please shut up? For _once_? Let’s not make this any worse than what it already is. I warned someone was going to get hurt and now James has lost an eye for good.”

“We don’t know that.” Sirius protested.

“Be real, Black. I saw it. There is no undoing that. You would have seen it too if you hadn’t run to Dumbledore hoping he’d take fifty points out of Slytherin.”

Something Hermione hadn’t thought about.

“What did Dumbledore make of it?” she asked to Severus in a low tone.

At that time of the night, though, everyone in the room was too preoccupied with their own emergencies to mind them.

“Nothing. Real life isn’t Hogwarts. He disagreed with my method of defense, of course, but who is he to me to send me to detention for defending myself when ambushed? Moreso _when_ the ambush happened.”

A moment of silence passed by. Severus took a hand of Hermione’s, studying her face. He wanted to know if she was angry. If she liked him less now that his worst side showed. So far he had been nothing but agreeable, and loving, and gentle.

She had seen worse, so she entwined her fingers with his. He pressed his lips together, and licked them, a bit anxious, before leaning in for a kiss. Was she going to allow that? She let him steal a peck, and he leaned back on his chair, a little less mortified.

“Wait.” Black said, out loud. “Is that your _girlfriend_?”

Here we go.  


	43. Chapter 43

 “Such a fantastic place for you to meet Hermione,” Severus said to Black, in an ironically cheery voice that made the hairs on the back of Lily’s neck stand on end. “Because if you say anything insulting to her, you’ll end up making company to your friend in the emergency room.”

“Sirius,” Remus warned.

Severus meant his threat and could see it through. Hermione, in fact, squeezed his hand a bit tighter in a silent warning. _Calm down_.

There was something off about Hermione, Lily decided. She knew Severus too well for a month-old girlfriend. And, if Lily were to be honest, she had the passing impression Hermione recognized Sirius and Remus, then pretended not to know them at all.

Who was Hermione? How did she meet Severus? How come he was an open book to her? It scarcely seemed like he just poured everything about himself within weeks of starting out a relationship. He almost never spoke about himself to Lily, not even back when he was in love with her.

Perhaps because she didn’t reciprocate his affections, who knew.

Lily needed to think.

“I need to pee,” she said, then stood up and left to the loo.

Once there, she set James’ glasses on the sink and stared at her own reflection. There were huge stains of blood on her light pink sweater, dark bags under her eyes and her hair was a bird’s nest. She did need to pee, actually.

Harry — Lily was sure that in her womb, a beautiful boy grew each passing day — wasn’t that big yet, however it seemed like her bladder reduced to a tenth of its size anyhow. She loved Harry with all of her heart despite having to go to the loo every five minutes.

Though she started to have her doubts that James was the right person to raise Harry with. She thought he had changed, and she didn’t realize how bad he was in the first place. James hadn’t told her he saved Severus from _Remus_ in his wolf form, and that the two got to meet because Black set up a trap. He hadn’t told her he never stopped harassing Severus.

Quite the opposite, in fact.

He _promised_ he’d leave Severus alone.

What was his problem?

Mary used to say it only happened because James was jealous of Severus, which at time could make sense, but Lily was married to James now. They were going to have a child together. And in the same way it was clear as a summer day Severus was once in love with her, it was crystal clear that he was head over heels for Hermione.

And whatever James had to say about Severus being a Death Eater was bullshit. He never truly thought Severus would be a Death Eater — too much of a pussy for that.

Lily cleaned up, washed her hands, and when she returned to the waiting room, a tired witch in green robes stood before the group waiting for James.

“Did something happen?” Lily asked. “I’m James Potter’s wife.”

“I see.” Said the witch, looking over at a few papers on a clipboard. “Well, I am sorry to say Mr. Potter had to go through an emergency enucleation.”

“What does that mean?”

“They had to take his whole eye out.” Said Sirius.

“Yes, we had to do that, unfortunately. His eye was beyond saving, and the tissue left would get in the way of closing the wound. The procedure went fine, and he is now awake at the infirmary, if you want to see him.”

“Does that mean I can go home?” Severus asked.

“I’d say so. If anything, I should congratulate you for such a clean cut. Made our job easier.”

“Sev,” Lily said. “If it isn’t too much to ask, I want you to stay. Sirius and Remus can go check James out first, and then… We’ll go. You don’t have to say anything. I just…”

“I understand.” he said, because he did get it. He summoned Hermione for no reason other than to have her there, after all.

“Thank you.”

The witch led Sirius and Remus away, and Hermione asked, already knowing the answer:

“Is it a smart move to let Severus and James in each other’s vicinity when one of them is recovering from a surgery?”

“Of course not.” Lily replied with a dry laugh. “But if Sev isn’t there, James is going to spin a story. I know it. Sev, on the other hand, is a terrible liar.”

With that, the matter was settled. The three of them waited in silence. Severus had his arm around Hermione’s shoulder, and she leaned against his torso, her eyes glassy for sheer exhaustion. Lily missed having that easy tenderness with James.

Coming to think of it, she never had it.

Lost in thought, the time passed by in a heartbeat. Lily only snapped out of it when the healer came back, Sirius and Remus at her heels.

“Well.” she said. “Who are the next two?”

“Please behave, Severus.” Pleaded Hermione as she let him go.

He leaned to kiss her forehead before leaving, not promising anything.

Lily clutched at James’ glasses as she walked, bracing herself from the sight. James was separated from the rest of the infirmary by a shield of medical curtains and the sight… Wasn’t too bad. His missing eye was covered his bandages — Lily supposed the true shock would come when it was time to take them off.

James didn’t even look at her.

“Bold of you to come here after what you’ve done, Snivellus.”

“I’m here because Lily asked me to.” Severus said, already annoyed. “That is all.”

“James, please don’t start this again. You already lost an eye. I won’t be sorry for you if you lose another.”

“All I wanted,” he replied. “Was to ask some questions.”

Severus started to lose his temper in record time:

“There was no way for me to know that, hung upside down in a deserted road in the middle of the night! Who knew what would be your methods of getting the answers out of me.”

James scoffed.

“You’re such a sniveling baby. I never laid a finger on you.”

“Because showing my dick to hundreds of people is so innocent?” Severus replied in a low, angry whisper. “And we’d have to see about your statement of never laying a finger on me.”

Lily covered her mouth with a hand.

Severus was not done:

“You should just admit to yourself that you’re gay, already, and maybe that will make you stop being a sadistic psychopath before you lose another body part.”

A pause.

“I doubt one thing has to do with the other. The combination of the two is just my bad luck, I guess.”

With that, he turned on his heels and left.


	44. Chapter 44

Once again, Hermione’s negative expectations were blown out of the water. Not even five minutes after going in, Severus stormed out of the emergency room, out of St. Mungos without giving as much of a passing glance at her; when she followed him out on the street, he had already vanished.

Vanished home, she hoped, as she vanished as well.

At least Hermione was right about _that_. Spinner’s End was dead silent when she arrived, though approaching the door to his room, she heard soft sniffles.

“Severus?”

“Leave me alone.”

His voice was thin thread, barely making through the door, though his request was firm. Hermione didn’t like leaving him alone when he was upset, in all honesty. He never asked to be alone before, either.

“I’ll be downstairs if you need me.”

Like old times, Hermione camped out in the couch, with a book she could not focus on to save her life. She worried for Severus. Was he about to become unhinged in different way, only because he now had to interact with James? Was his issue with James really just a petty school grudge?

The only time he’d been reduced to tears was when he learned he became close to starting out the chain of events that killed Lily Potter. And even then, he took Hermione’s comfort, when she was but a stranger. He allowed her to be around when he was upset. He asked her to be in the waiting room with him, even without being certain that she wouldn’t find an issue with what he did to James.

Hermione dozed off to sleep, exhausted, and woke up to the sound of steps coming down the stairs. Severus, fully dressed, his face set in a stoic expression she knew way too well. She tried to fix herself as much as she could in a couple of moments and went to him:

“Severus?”

He avoided her touch and went to the kitchen.

Was Lily’s death the only reason to his downward spiral? Had Hermione been wrong?

Had she failed?

“Severus, please talk to me.”

“There is nothing to talk about.”

“Like you spending the night holed up in your room, crying?” she pressed.

He scowled at the mention of him crying, and set out to start doing coffee for himself.

She didn’t want to hurt his privacy, but…

“If you don’t tell me what happened, I’m going to ask Lily about it.”

“Don’t you dare.”

“Oh, I will dare.” Hermione retorted. “You can’t shut me out like this without an explanation. If you don’t want to tell me everything, that is fine, everyone is allowed their privacy, but I can see you’re not well, and I want to help, and I can only help if I know what is happening on your head.”

That got through him some. His face eased into disgust, and hurt.

“I got angry, and I said things I shouldn’t have said. As it goes with me.”

“What things, Severus?” No answer. Hermione approached him, caressed his elbow. “Baby, whatever you said, you should know I’ve heard worse from you already.”

She hadn’t liked pet names before meeting Severus. Ron had been just Ron to her. Severus just wasn’t a name sweet enough for him, and Sev wasn’t hers to take.

“I know what you think.” he started. “That I keep holding on to this stupid schoolyard grudge on Potter. That I have no reason to be so affected by him or what he did. I will tell you, though, that Potter is not right in the head. A prank is tying someone’s shoe laces, or… I don’t know, making someone’s hair bright yellow. Even that is annoying and humiliating by itself, but… You know what _isn’t_ a prank?’

Hermione shook her head no. Severus continued:

“Stealing someone’s notes to return them a couple of days later, ruined with cum stains.”

Whoa. She needed time to process that, though he didn’t allow her such. He just kept going, given that the dam broke loose.

“He kept ruining my clothes that way, too, if he was feeling vengeful. And may I say, although you are the first person I touched, you are not the first person who touched me. He… Used the cloak. He crept on me all the time and I couldn’t even prove it _happened_. It was embarrassing enough to tell anyone I felt a phantom hand touching my dick over my clothes at random intervals. And I’m pretty certain he crept on me on the shower, at least once. He kept saying for me to switch out the brand of shampoo I used, because it didn’t work, and he could tell which brand.”

The Slytherin dorms were sketched out in the map, indeed. The Marauders had been inside the Slytherin common room and the dorms and the _showers_ at least once.

“The worst of it all is that he always does this. He toes the line of plausible deniability. The line of not being bad enough. The line of me being crazy, and deranged, and a cry baby who’s too sensitive. Not once, when that started, not _once_ I felt safe doing anything at all in Hogwarts. I kept thinking, when is he going to stop hiding behind his cloak? When I’m going to be jumped on and who knows what will happen to me? Last night, I said he was gay, but I don’t think he gets off on anything other than tormenting other people and getting away with it.”

There was a long pause. Hermione was shocked to hear such things, Severus shocked because he told them at once.

“Don’t ask me be to be sorry for him, and don’t ask me to get over this, because I won’t. I can’t.”

He fled to his room again, though this time Hermione could follow. He sat on the edge of his bed, holding his head on his hands, on the verge of melting down again. She sat beside him and rested her lips against one of his shoulders.

“I’m glad we got to meet twice,” she said. “You didn’t make much sense to me the first time around.”

 


	45. Chapter 45

Severus cried.

He couldn’t help himself. He cried when he was angry, he cried when he was tired, and in the rare occasions that he was happy, he cried too. He wasn’t sure how he managed not to shed a single tear when Hermione confessed that she thought she loved him back.

Though Hermione wasn’t saying anything, then. She stroked his back, and waited, patient, familiar with his crying spells.

“Ever wondered,” Severus said, once he calmed down enough to speak. “How I got the nickname Snivellus?”

“I think I can take a wild guess.” She replied, with a soft laugh; not laughing at the fact he was such a pussy, but at the ill-timed joke.

After a while, she added:

“You have my blessing to cut James’ balls off next time he tries something. Lily is already pregnant with Harry. I have no use for them anymore.”

That was half a joke. She wouldn’t be sorry, but Severus wouldn’t try to cut Potter’s balls off. He doubted it’d solve the issue. Perhaps it could put an end to the habit of coming on other people’s belongings, though Severus’ stuff was out of reach anyway.

Besides, if his reaction to cutting an eye was any evidence, was that he wasn’t cut to hurting people with anything other than words. Even Potter.

“I cry too much,” Severus said, wiping his face.

“I like you like that. Leagues better than the alternative, at least.” Hermione replied.

Her gaze was fixed at him, though it was distant, seeing instead a Severus Snape alive only in her memories.

“You said I was an asshole.”

“Now I see that you were a bit deranged. Out of your center. It is bad enough to be sexually abused, but you… You spent decades living at Hogwarts. Decades working for Dumbledore. Decades being around people who cherished and loved and missed the person who hurt you.”

Severus scoffed.

“I wasn’t _sexually abused_. It’s not as if… He raped me or anything.”

Though he did fear that particular outcome, actually, not that he had put it into words before. Hermione had that effect over him; to make the words come out of the jumble of his thoughts. Maybe because she was so eloquent herself.

Maybe because she’d never judge him.

She raised a brow and leaned back on the bed, supporting her weight on her hands.

“Severus, if you were a girl, what would people say of James?”

He leaned back as well, lying completely though his feet were still planted on the bedroom floor. Not once he allowed himself to see things from that perspective.

“I think…” she spoke again, tentative. “I think I’m starting to get James. Either or not he’s gay, that is up to debate — and for all we know he could be bisexual — but a boy would make up for the perfect target. If someone believed in what happened to you, even then that someone would play it down as, indeed, innocent pranks.”

Severus took a deep breath, the gears in his mind setting the whole puzzle into place.

“And not a fine-looking boy, at that. Because no one would believe _anyone_ would want to touch my privates.”

Hermione smirked, raising both brows.

“I’m biased.”

“At least you ask nicely first.”

It was a heavy conversation, but they still laughed. Hermione laid down, too, and turned sideways to face him.

“I’m glad you told me.”

Severus loved her.

“I love you.”

She said nothing. She was still a bit unsure, or perhaps she was being a sensible adult who didn’t fall in love within a month or so. It didn’t matter to Severus. It wasn’t as if he’d stop loving her, were it not to be reciprocated.

Severus doubted, though. He just needed to be patient.

And it wasn’t as if he waited empty-handed.

Hermione scooted closer to kiss his mouth. He was a bit squeamish to allow himself to be touched and kissed after the memories that resurfaced — and the new meaning they had —, but he wanted to kiss and touch her, at least.

For all the patience, she deserved a good orgasm or two.

His hand slid inside her top, and he flipped her to lay on her back, as he went to kiss her exposed stomach, fingers squeezing her little breasts as her breath started to pick up its pace. He stood up, and Hermione gave him a confused look until he took one of her feet and started undoing the ties of her sneakers.

“You slept with your shoes on.”

“I’m an old lady, remember?” she replied. “I dozed off on the couch.”

Severus threw one sneaker across the room, then the other. The socks soon followed, and his hands slid up her legs and thighs to reach the button of her jeans. He popped it out, and slowly lowered the zipper. Just as slowly he slid her out of her pants, and spread her knees to settle between them, lowering the band of her underwear to kiss the line between smooth skin and pubic hair.

Then his fingertips put the panties aside, and his lips brushed Hermione’s inner thighs before getting to their destination. It was easier on the jaw if she was already wet by the time he made it there, he had learned.

She did him the favor of holding his hair out of the way before he planted a kiss on her clit, and just as the tip of his tongue was making its way between her southern lips…

The Dark Mark started to burn.

“Merlin’s ball sack.” Was what came out of Severus’ lips, considering all the earlier talk about balls.

Hermione retreated from him, clasping her legs shut.

“What is it? Are you uncomfortable?”

“Well, yes I am. Considering I’m being summoned.”

He went to the bathroom to rinse his mouth and wash his face — how Hermione let him into her panties when he still looked like he had been crying, that was a mystery.

She followed him, only in her panties.

“Are you feeling well enough to go?”

“I don’t have much of a choice.” he replied. “But at least the Dark Lord waited until after breakfast to summon me. How polite.”

“Good luck.”

Severus nodded.

Before leaving, though, he embraced her by the waist to give her a quick kiss on the lips. And final one, on one of her nipples.

Good thing his work robes hid the fact he went on to the Malfoy Manor with a throbbing erection.


	46. Chapter 46

The Dark Lord never intended to be polite.

Rather, he seemed to be uninterested, which Severus thought to be relieving when he sat down on the Malfoy Manor study.

“How did you fare on your first meeting, Severus?” the Dark Lord inquired, lazily twirling about his cup of tea.

Did he even eat? Or did he make a point of playing with food in front of others to give off the impression he didn’t eat?

“Not too well, I suppose. I fear I might not be the right person to obtain information from the Order of the Phoenix’ activities. It seems to me that I am stuck at the kid’s table; and even then Dumbledore suspects me to be a Death Eater. Considering my history.”

“No matter. You will prove him wrong over time. And…” he added with a scoff. “You can’t be worst than the last spy we had.”

“You mean Pettigrew.”

“I do mean Pettigrew.”

Severus struggled to keep his face still. Clearly, he must be gaining the Dark Lord’s trust. He wasn’t sure if it was a good thing, or a terrible one.

“Well. Did you kidnap him? The meeting was about trying to pierce together information to find out his whereabouts. He has been gone for about a month now, and people are presuming him to be dead.”

“This is a mystery to me just as it is to Dumbledore. His Dark Mark is still active, and he is not responding to my summons. He had no intentions of running away. However useless, I could not doubt his loyalty to me. Perhaps Dumbledore vanished with him and is creating a smoke screen.”

Severus shrugged.

“Could be.”

“Either way, don’t lose your sleep trying to locate Pettigrew.”

There was a long, drawn out silence.

“I did hear of an incident by the end of the meeting…”

Severus was confident there was no other spy in the Order other than him, however he couldn’t say the same about St. Mungos.

“I have been ambushed by a few members of the Order on their own volition. I taught them a lesson they won’t forget so soon. I must say that my position in the Order has not been put in jeopardy because of it, my Lord. The Order isn’t Hogwarts.”

Without prior notice, the Dark Lord probed Severus’ mind for the memories of that night. To see if he indeed hadn’t shot his own foot by mutilating another member of the Order. Severus was ready for it; and in fact, the probing wasn’t too thorough.

If anything, it was just a reminder that Severus shouldn’t lie about failing his missions.

But…

Yes, yes, he could.

As long as the Dark Lord remained ignorant that his legillimency wasn’t infallible. If one day he noticed Severus occluded part of his memories, that would be enough for to be killed over.

As expected, the Dark Lord took an interest in Hermione.

“Who is this woman?”

Though Lucius already told him about her.

“That would be my girlfriend. Yes, she is a muggleborn, my Lord. I felt that I needed a sturdier cover to convince Lily Potter than I indeed have changed my ways. Both of them have no idea I am a Death Eater.”

The Dark Lord curled his upper lip in a snarl.

“Careful with mudblood skirt, Severus.”

An ironical advice, given what happened to some of the muggleborn women captured by Death Eaters. The Dark Lord could just take in a pureblood woman — or maybe more than one. He wasn’t pureblood, but no one knew of that, or cared, really.

The catch was that these pureblood women wouldn’t recoil in terror as much as her muggleborn counterparts. Maybe they would even consent to it. Or, Merlin forbid, feel some pleasure. Severus feared the possibility of the Dark Lord lingering on more intimate memories, however he didn’t care for muggleborn women unless they were screaming in pain.

With that piece of valuable advice, the Dark Lord simply left.

Lucius walked into the room a moment thereafter.

“Everything went according to plan, I hope?”

“If the plan was for me to be stuck with the kindergarten of the Order and get no useful information, then yes, it all went according to plan.”

“You cut James Potter’s eye out.” Lucius stated with a proud smirk.

“And he needs to be careful to keep the other one. How is Narcisa faring, Lucius?”

Talking about Narcisa and Narcisa’s pregnancy was Lucius’ favorite subject.

 “She is certain we will have a little boy. Draco, will be his name.”

“A beautiful name. How far along into the pregnancy is she?”

“Twenty or twenty-four weeks. And she won’t accept that you leave here without staying for lunch.”

Severus had to do the math in his head. Why not just say the number in months?

“Of course.”

Narcisa freaked him less than Lily did. At least Narcisa seemed old enough to be a mother; Lily did not look like a twenty-years-old who’d be equipped to go through a pregnancy and raise a child.

And the Malfoys loved their child. Narcisa had her hand resting on her belly throughout the meal, and Lucius kept touching her, and kissing her, and coddling her every whim.

Severus watched all that as he ate, making conversation, and he had to wonder… Couldn’t he get the Malfoys to cooperate and hand over their horcrux? Maybe even get Bellatrix’s horcrux? After all, there was a prophecy out for a boy who’d be born in July. Severus knew Draco wouldn’t be born at the end of July; the Malfoys didn’t have that piece of information, though.

Alas, wouldn’t they relay the prophecy to the Dark Lord and beg for their child’s life? Couldn’t Lily and Harry end up endangered again, like the past Hermione wanted so badly to avoid?

Severus shook his head while he walked down his house’s street. Better to keep that terrible idea to himself…

He opened the door.

“Oh, hi, Sev. I keep showing up uninvited, don’t I?” Lily said, her nose red, her eyes puffy. She sniffled. “I’m sorry. I have nowhere else to go.”


	47. Chapter 47

Lily’s arrival on Spinner’s End caught Hermione by surprise — it shouldn’t have, though. Of course, a marriage would come crashing down after such a revelation. Hermione talked to Lily some and found out she didn’t know much of what happened between Severus and James.

But it wasn’t her place to tell the tale.

And it wasn’t her place to offer Lily a place to stay overnight, either.

Good thing that she didn’t offer, because the first thing she noticed when Severus walked through the threshold, was that he didn’t want Lily in Spinner’s End.

“What happened, Lily?” he asked, coolly, and came to sit down beside Hermione on the couch.

With Lily being almost as tall as Severus, Hermione didn’t get to be much in the way of their conversation, despite her place in the middle of them.

“I think you know what happened. My marriage crashed and burned, that is what happened. Painkillers can be just as good as Veritaserum, it turns out. James didn’t tell me what he did to you at Hogwarts, but he did tell me he was going to interrogate you and then… Obliviate you. So no one would know.”

Severus snorted.

“There were probably several other things he wanted to obliviate as well.” he said.

“Like… Like what?”

Knowing it wasn’t an easy subject, Hermione placed her hand on Severus’ thigh. He took a deep breath, sighed, shook his head. Then he elaborated:

“I’m glad that fucking cloak is gone, is what I can say. Your husband gets _handsy_ when no one can see him.”

Lily creased her brows, tilting her head. Then she covered her face.

“Oh my God.”

“I’m sorry.” he said, not sounding very sorry at all. He was nervous, he wanted her gone, and he couldn’t hide it very well. “What do you intend to do now?”

“Divorce.” Lily replied, looking at Hermione. “For now, though, I need a place to stay other than James’ house. I… I came to ask for a couple hours here to write Petunia and see if she’ll have me.”

That plan wouldn’t pan out, would it? Would Petunia accept into her house the sister she hated, pregnant, penniless, with plans to leave her husband?

“Of course.” Hermione replied, then turned to Severus: “Can I speak to you upstairs for a moment?”

He followed her to his bedroom, quiet.

“You don’t want Lily here.” she prompted, arms crossed in front of her chest.

“I don’t want Lily here. I can’t… Do this even in my own home. What do you even said I was doing while I was out?”

“Work.”

“Well, this is not going to _work_. I’ll go insane if I can’t be at peace even in my own house. I suppose I’m friends with Lily again, but not enough that this is worth the effort. I want to be here, with you and no one else.”

“You are right,” Hermione relented. “You’re right. But… Severus, she has nowhere to go, like she said. Petunia won’t have her, I’m pretty sure. And I… I started all this to make things better for Harry. It will be all for naught if Lily ends up homeless.”

“She’s not going to be homeless. I’m sure… She’ll figure it out.”

“Then give her a place to stay until she does. Listen, she can have my room, and I will sleep with you, like you’ve been wanting since the beginning.”

Severus pressed his lips together.

“This is a low blow, Hermione.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I just don’t want her to be without any support and at the mercy of a psycho like James.”

He raised two fingers.

“Two nights. She can stay here two nights and I hope you find a gentle way to let her know she has to go.”

“I will. Don’t worry. This is your house.”

Hermione hoped he’d be more willing to help, however she understood his point. She still had some cash of her own, so maybe she’d fix a cheap hotel room for Lily for a few nights after her time in Spinner’s End was up.

“I’m sorry, Hermione. I can tell you thought I’d want to do more for her. I can’t.” he said, apologetic. “Even if I wanted to. I wish I could be more forgiving, but I’m not.”

He was too young to carry the world on his back. Being a double agent, housing Hermione, hunting the horcruxes. He couldn’t fix Lily’s life for her, too, and be jolly about it on the process, when she fell in love and married James, out of all people.

“You’re doing enough, Severus. I understand.”

He nodded and pulled her for a kiss.

“I’ll get your stuff and bring them here and pretend I set up your room just for Lily while you distract her down the stairs.”

“It’s a plan.”

Hermione went down the stairs, where Lily waited on the couch with her eyes focused on an empty spot.

“Severus is setting up a room for you.” Hermione said as she sat down.

“Don’t bother. I can tell when I’m being a nuisance.”

“Lily, I’m not going to sugarcoat it. You can’t stay here for very long. A night, two at best. And I can pay a hotel room for you for a few days after that.”

Lily shook her head no.

“I just need a night here. I have some muggle money tucked away. My parents’ inheritance and life insurance. I just need somewhere to crash in between getting the money and getting in touch with Petunia. Then I’ll be off.”

“I’m sorry. I wish I could do more, but… I’m staying over here for a while, you can write me whenever. Maybe I can be of use in some other way.”

Hermione was as penniless and without options as Lily, in fact. She couldn’t do much except offer moral support and a piece of advice or two.

“Thank you, Hermione. You’re too kind.”

“Anytime. I’ll go pick up the parchments and everything you might need to write your sister.”

“How do you know Petunia is my sister?”

“Severus told me.” Hermione replied, though she took a moment too long to think of that answer.

Lily _really_ couldn’t stay in Spinner’s End.

Neither Hermione nor Severus would be able to watch themselves twenty-four hours a day without slipping.


	48. Chapter 48

Sure, Severus came home to a huge problem, though he had to appreciate the brighter side of it all. Hermione, in his room, using a t-shirt of his for a night gown, one leg propped up on the chair he brought along with the desk — since his study became hers —, applying lotion, while he watched from the corner of his eye, lying in bed with a book.

And with a huge boner, naturally.

Once she was done, she cozied up on the bed with him, with her head on his chest, legs entwined with his under the covers. Her thigh, of course, pressed against his cock. There was no way she could be missing the insistent throbbing.

“I might just cry again,” Severus whispered.

The walls were thin, and Lily was just a stairwell over.

“Why, baby?”

“I’ve been hard all day.” He complained in a muttered whine. “But now _Lily_ is here.”

“Then be quiet.” Hermione muttered back and slid one of her hands down his pants.

She circled the tip with an index finger, peppering feather light kisses on his neck. Severus held her tighter and had to bite his tongue to be silent when she ran her fingers up his erection, to the grasp it firmly at the base.

He wasn’t too proud of his performance, then. He had been frustrated all day, and when he thought he could have time alone with Hermione to deal with that, Lily showed up. Then he had to go to work. Then he came home for dinner, and he had to console Lily instead of bending Hermione over a kitchen countertop to do whatever.

“I’m about to cum,” he warned, mindful that there were his pajamas and the covers to ruin.

Hermione threw the covers away, then lowered his pants to get his cock out, and then… And then she scooted down to put him in her mouth. She suckled, her tongue massaging around him. He couldn’t help it: he came on her mouth, holding back a moan.

She sat up, covered her mouth with a hand, and swallowed.

“That couldn’t possibly taste good.” Severus said.

“At least you don’t have to clean up.”

Indeed.

She cozied up to him again, and he dimmed the lights, thinking they were going to sleep. Of course not. For one, he couldn’t get the picture out of his head. Second, he spent too much time frustrated to be entirely worn out with just one orgasm, no matter how good it was.

Third, Hermione was slightly grinding on his thigh.

“You aren’t asleep, are you, Hermione?”

She laughed softly.

“No.”

He pulled her by the hips to straddle him and pulled her down by the collar to kiss her in the mouth. His pajama pants were going to need a wash anyway because she had no underwear and he could feel her moistness even through the two layers of fabric, and the grinding felt so good. He reached down to lower his pants, so she could move directly on him.

Which she obliged, panting.

Severus panted as well. He just wanted…

He reached down one more time, and brushed his tip against her.

“You were just waiting for the worst time possible to want this, weren’t you?” Hermione whispered on his ear, amused.

“You were the one who waited for the worst time possible to come sleep in my room.”

“Well, you’re going to have to wait.”

She pressed down the mattress with both hands and the springs made a noise that for sure could be heard outside of the bedroom.

Severus couldn’t wait another minute, though… He looked around the room and his gaze fell upon the chair. The chair had no springs. He picked Hermione up, and laced her legs around his waist.

The good thing about Hermione being pocket-size was that he could manhandle her a bit, despite being stick thin and not even that tall. He sat, with her straddling him. He removed his short off her body and tossed it away. He kissed her neck, and her collarbone, and sucked on her nipples, all the while he directed his cock with a hand to slide inside her.

His breath stopped when she moved for the first time. She was so wet, so warm. Her flesh throbbed around him, like he throbbed inside of her.  

“Can I take off your shirt, at least?” she asked.

Severus nodded, and away went his shirt.

Hermione moved her hips with her face buried on the curve of his neck, arms hugging his shoulders, her nipples brushing against the naked skin of his chest. Severus cupped her ass, wondering how on Earth such a pleasure frightened him.

He didn’t want to cum fast.

He didn’t want to cum at all.

He could stay forever like that, just listening and feeling and touching Hermione pleasure herself off him, sweaty and out of breath. At one point, she sat up, put his hands on her breasts, and went to tease her clit while she moved, barely breathing as she got closer and closer to an orgasm.

Hermione came with an ample movement of her hips and she crashed on him.

“You weren’t the only one who waited all day, I’ll tell you that much.”

Severus stroked her back, smelling her hair.

“I hope it was worth the wait.”

She nodded yes, sat up and kept on moving, slowly.

 _Slowly_.

Up until he grabbed her hips and made her move a little faster so he could get off, for Merlin’s sake. Which he did, inside of her.

He let a little moan escape then.

Hermione bit her lips and slid her hands down his chest.

“Are you okay, Severus?”

“I’m rather afraid I’ll get you pregnant now that I can think more clearly.”

“You won’t. That’s a conversation for later, though. Let’s wash up and go to bed.”

Which didn’t happen so soon. He got hard again as soon as he saw his semen dripping down her thigh. They did fall asleep at some point, though, entangled in bed.

Severus was feeling good. Optimistic even, as he cuddled her the morning after. How could he feel bad? But good feelings never lasted much.

For they were both forced to get out of bed by a blood curling scream.


	49. Chapter 49

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: pregnancy loss

Hermione sat up at once, and grabbed her wand to bolt downstairs, frightened because she already knew what happened. She forgot about Pettigrew sitting on the broom closet.

Lily already had her wand pointed to the stairs when Hermione reached the stair well, with Severus trailing just behind.

“Lily, we can explain,” Hermione said.

In response, though, Lily pointed her wand directly at Severus’ heart.

“You were the Death Eater who kidnapped Pettigrew all along. All along I fell into your talk about being sorry. I’m so stupid. So stupid. And you,” she pointed at Hermione. “You helped him lie to me. You knew it all along, didn’t you? Who are you? Another Death Eater?”

“Please—”

“Shut up!” Lily yelled. And once more: “Shut up!” Her voice broke down. “Shut up.”

Hermione didn’t know what to do… Except make Lily fall asleep. She rushed down the stairs to catch Lily after casting her spell — Severus wasn’t the only one who came up with new spells and could do wandless magic.

“Severus, a little help here.”

He picked Lily up — not without a struggle — and laid her down on the couch.

“What are we going to do?” he asked.

“We could… Obliviate her.”

Severus sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, pacing around the room.

“I don’t want to do that. I… We should just tell her the truth and send her away.”

“She’s pregnant! She shouldn’t be going through this kind of stress!” Hermione chided. “Besides, she’ll be a loose end. At some point, I’m well aware we will need to tell Dumbledore about what we’ve been up to, but Dumbledore won’t get caught by Voldemort. Dumbledore is not pregnant.”

“It doesn’t feel right.”

Hermione sighed. Yes, it didn’t sit right to do such a thing, and, of course, Severus would hesitate to do something James planned to do to him the day before.

“We’ll worry about what feels right when this war is over,” she said.

“You do it, then.”

She swallowed dry and stood beside an asleep Lily on the couch, the tip of her wand touching Lily’s temple.

“Obliviate.”

Lily frowned, still deep in slumber, and that was it. Hermione managed to scrub her own existence from her parents’ memories. Erasing a couple of minutes from someone’s head was child’s play.

“You go ward the broom closet door. I’ll go get dressed and get about my day to keep an eye on her.”

Hermione had never been pregnant. Would never be pregnant, because she went through sterilization a couple of years after divorcing Ron. She didn’t want to get pregnant, ever; if it happened, it’d only be because of an accident, or because she caved to Ron’s demands.

Well, Ron wasn’t her husband anymore, and she made sure that accidents wouldn’t happen to her.

So Hermione knew little of pregnancies. They didn’t concern her.

It still worried her that Lily seemed to be in pain, tossing and turning with her brows furrowed even though she’d been put to sleep by a very potent spell.

And maybe… Hermione should have considered Lily wasn’t the only being affected by the spell. She knew very well her own creations could backfire in tremendously unexpected ways; otherwise, she wouldn’t have been sent however many years into the past to be in such a situation in the first place.

Severus squeezed her shoulder. She didn’t see him approaching her.

“What’s wrong?”

“Don’t you think… That Lily looks like she’s in pain?” Hermione said in a mutter, afraid that saying it out loud would make it true.

Severus blanched.

“You should wake her up.”

“No. She’ll wake up naturally from this in an hour or two. I’ll be watching her.”

Though Severus joined Hermione on the watch, as they readied a breakfast they wouldn’t get to eat.

Because Lily woke up sooner than Hermione thought, with a pained moan.

“Hermione? Severus?” She sat up on the couch and looked over at them, frozen in their spot at the kitchen. “Did I faint? What happened?”

“I don’t know.” Hermione replied, careful. “What happened?”

“I don’t know either. I… I started to get this pain on my lower back last night, and it got worse, and I came downstairs to look for a pain pill or something, and then… I woke up on the couch. My back hurts so much now. Probably from this lumpy couch. No offense, Sev.”

“It was probably the couch, yes. Let me help you get up.”

Hermione rushed over to Lily to lend her a helping hand. And then she saw, a circular blood stain on the couch. The blood dripping down Lily’s legs, from inside her dress.

“Severus… We’ll need to get Lily to St. Mungos. Now.”

She kept it together. She kept it together as they took Lily over to St. Mungos — though maybe apparating made the problem worse — and as she helped Lily check herself in. It all went on a blur.

Next thing she knew, she cradled against Severus’ chest, on the waiting room, for the second time in under twenty-four hours. The roles were reversed this time around; Hermione was on the verge of having a breakdown, while Severus kept his cool, stroking her arms, kissing her forehead.

He didn’t care for Harry.

Maybe not even at all, let alone as much as Hermione did.

“This was my fault,” she mumbled. “The sleeping spell… I shouldn’t have used it on a pregnant woman… And I should have put a ward on the broom closet.”

“Lily was already miscarrying this morning. If anything… It was my fault. I should have kept quiet about Potter’s lies. At least during her pregnancy…”

“I got it all wrong.” Hermione said, exasperated. “I got it all wrong.”

A healer came up to them, one hour and a half later.

“You two came in with…” she checked on her clipboard. “Lily Potter, didn’t you? Are you family members?”

“We’re… Friends of her. We were with her when she…” Hermione said, with a knot on her throat.

The healer nodded.

“My condolences. She unfortunately lost her pregnancy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The One Where Everything Bad Happens


	50. Chapter 50

“I need to go to the loo,” Hermione said, which Severus understood as a code for _I need to have a breakdown in a more private space_.

So he followed her into the feminine loo, and warded the door shut. Hermione was rubbing her hands on her thighs, her gaze lost.

“I need a time-turner. I need to get inside the ministry to get one, and then—”

Severus grabbed both of her wrists and forced her to face him.

“Hermione, this is madness, and you know it. You are powerful, you are frighteningly smart, but you can’t control all moving pieces. Something is always going to go wrong. And then what? Will you jump to the past again? Keep trying, and trying, to get the perfect ending? Will you grow old stuck in the past like you told me not to do?”

That made Hermione focus her eyes on him. He continued:

“Besides, this wasn’t your fault. Didn’t you hear what Lily said, about the back pain? That is a sign of miscarriage. She was already miscarrying last night, but, of course…” Severus sighed. “Wizardry medicine is a complete waste of time for certain things. Narcisa doesn’t even know how far into her pregnancy she is. I’m certain that with her pureblood husband and his pureblood friends, Lily didn’t bother to go to a muggle doctor. For all we know, she could have had a high-risk pregnancy all along. Maybe Harry was born out of sheer, dumb luck.”

“And now he’s not going to be born at all.” Hermione said.

“Which is unfortunate, yes.”

She yanked her wrists from his grasp.

“You clearly don’t think so. You don’t care for Harry at all. And now it seems you don’t even care for Lily.”

“Don’t say that.” Severus replied in a whisper. “Don’t you say that about me. I just didn’t want her in my house. You’ve seen it yourself. It took her less than twenty-four hours to stumble upon something she shouldn’t have. We wouldn’t be able to keep up with our façade all day, every day. Less of all me. And it was _you_ who told me to love myself more than I love her. I can’t fix her life for her at my own expense.”

Hermione hugged herself and turned on her heels to face away from him. She took a shaky breath, and then wiped away a couple stubborn tears.

“And…” Severus said as he wrapped his arms around her and rested his chin on her shoulder. “And I was afraid of what would happen if I kept letting Potter get away with what he does. If it anyone’s fault, it’s mine. Not yours.”

He should have kept his big fucking mouth shut about Potter. Or, at least, wait until after the labor to speak up. But he was a coward, and a big fucking pussy as well, and he couldn’t take another second of being afraid all the time because no one knew what kind of _pranks_ Potter was up to.

Hermione leaned against him and rested her hands on top of his.

 “I’m sorry. You’re right. If you let this continue any longer, something could have happened to you, and then I wouldn’t forgive myself either. In the end… I can’t fix anything. If I leave, I’ll just run away.”

“And I’d run away with you. Into hell, if I must. However…”

“It’d be very stupid of me.” Hermione completed his sentence.

“I was trying to be polite about this, but yes.”

He tried to make her laugh, but she didn’t. Perhaps she didn’t want to storm the Ministry to get a bloody time-turner and try to fix the past again, yet her eyes were still too lost, her face too unexpressive. More so than a few moments before. Her skin became clammy with cold sweat.

Hermione was settling nicely into a shock after realizing there was no undoing to what just happened.

And maybe staying at St. Mungos close to Lily would make it worse.

“You need to go home, Hermione.”

She didn’t reply. Severus lead her out of the bathroom anyway, and out of St. Mungos. After crossing Spinner’s End’s threshold, he picked her up to get her upstairs. He took off her shoes, and her pants, and tucked her into bed, and she played along like a ragdoll.

He didn’t know what to do, so he went with his gut: he fetched a sleeping potion from his stash and dumped into a glass of water, and he had to make her drink it.  

“You’re going to sleep for a while.” Severus explained, though he doubted she could understand him.

Slumber pulled her under either she wanted it to or not.

Severus leaned back on the chair with a sigh. Lily was still all alone in St. Mungos. If he could split himself into two, he would, but… Well, he had to at least make sure Lily had company. St. Mungos might end up summoning Potter to stay by her, since they were still married on paper.

Hermione was safe and sound in a dreamless sleep.

For good measure, though, he hid everything in the house that she could use to hurt herself, should she wake up before he returned — which he dearly hoped wouldn’t happen.

Back at St. Mungos, the healer from earlier beelined towards him.

“Mrs. Potter asked for her husband not to be contacted. Is there any other family member that could stay with her? She should be discharged tomorrow morning. Of course, though, she will need care, and for ailments more than just physical.”

“She has a muggle sister. I have her address. I…”

“Would be willing to fetch the sister or do you prefer St. Mungos’ staff to do so?”

He couldn’t leave it to the hospital. He needed to make sure Petunia wouldn’t refuse to house Lily. It was the least he could do…

“I will go get her. I will leave her address with you, just in case. Is Lily well? Is she awake?”

“She is still under and won’t be up for another two or three hours. Plenty of time for her sister to get here, if you hurry.”

“Her sister will be here. Thank you.”

Severus turned on his heels and went straight to the closest supermarket. He bought a bottle of cheap whiskey, popped it open, and took three large swigs before heading over to Petunia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I'm not replying to the comments! As you can see by the speed I'm updating, I'm running against the clock to finish this fic before the new term of my uni starts :c
> 
> I always reply, but it may take a while.


	51. Chapter 51

The pie for dinner’s desert was half-way done when someone came to knock at the front door. Petunia wiped the flour off her hands and came to a halt at the foyer; beyond the glass panels, loomed a dark figure.

There was only one person she knew that would wear that much black all at once.

“I can see you through the glass, Petunia.” said he. “You know I wouldn’t come here unless it was serious. Please open the door.”

It was unfortunate for her to realize she knew Severus enough to know his voice sounded shaken. And given that he recently rekindled his friendship with Lily… Petunia could only presume something terrible happened to her sister.

She opened the door.

“Did Lily die?”

“Maybe she wants to now, who knows.”

His eyes were two hollow pits in the middle of his white-as-chalk face. He smelled faintly of alcohol when he passed by Petunia to perch on the living room couch.

“How is your pregnancy coming along?”

“Why do you care to know, Severus?” said Petunia, a little frightened that the question sounded genuine. She clutched at her belly as if he could take her baby and run away.

He sighed.

“I want to know if you can handle bad news. You can probably tell by my face that something happened to Lily.”

Petunia sat on Vernon’s armchair. She wasn’t daft. There was only one major terrible thing to happen to pregnant women.

“She lost the baby.” She said under her breath.

Severus nodded, slowly.

“And the baby is yours, for you to come knock at my door, white as a sheet of paper?”

 To which he snorted, and a hesitant smile curled up his lips:

“Come on now, Petunia, you know better than anybody Lily wouldn’t get near me with a ten feet pole. The baby is Potter’s. The baby _was_ Potter’s. And Potter was her husband, until very recently.”

Petunia blinked.

“What?”

“Yesterday, Lily crashed at my house because she wanted to divorce Potter. I assume the stress made her miscarry… And as far as I know she didn’t bother going to muggle doctor to check up on her pregnancy. So who knows if it wasn’t a fragile pregnancy to begin with.”

From the bottom of her embittered heart, Petunia wanted to scoff, and say it served her sister right for not listening when advised to look for a muggle ob-gyn. Lily thought magic could solve everything.

But no one deserved such a thing.

Besides…

“What did that asshole do? Did he cheat on her? I, for one, always thought James was going to cheat on her sooner or later.”

It was the first time Petunia saw Severus grin.

“No. They didn’t stay married long enough for that.” Then his smile died. “What this all means is that I came here to ask you to let Lily stay with you while she recovers.”

“And miss your chance to make her fall in love with you, finally?”

Petunia wasn’t jealous of Lily just because of her magic. Boys dropped head over heels for her like autumn leaves, even the prickly and antisocial Severus, who followed her around like a puppy. It came as a true shock when Lily returned home in a certain summer, saying he said something terrible to her, and she didn’t want to hear speak of him again.

And Severus, likewise, vanished, despite living in the same neighborhood.

She supposed attracting assholes was nothing jealous-worthy. Vernon had been nothing but kind and caring for her.

“I’m not in love with Lily, anymore. I live with my girlfriend now. And my girlfriend isn’t even the issue. The issue is… Lily needs her family. Not some friend who dropped off the face of the Earth for years. And I’m certain you’ll be the most able person to advise her on… Everything. I hear she has some inheritance money somewhere, and how could _I_ help her with that?”

“Oh, I guess…” Against her will, she said: “Poor Lily.”

“She is asleep at the hospital now. It’s… It’s a wizardry hospital, but they say she is to be discharged tomorrow and I suppose that, as her sister, you can transfer her to a muggle one if that’s what you prefer. Will you help her?”

Petunia sighed.

“How could I not?”

Before leaving, she left a plate ready for Vernon at the oven. She supposed it was better to say sorry for bringing her sister in than ask for his permission.

“How will we get to the hospital?” Petunia said, following Severus down the street. He was headed to some woods at the edge of the neighborhood.

“You will see.” Once they reached the woods, he said: “Hold my arm.”

“What?”

“ _Hold my arm_.”

And off they went. Petunia was squeezed through a garden hose — or so it felt — and was dumped off some back alley. She punched Severus in the arm of his she previously held.

“What did you just do?”

“Took you to the hospital. Don’t worry. Apparating is safe for pregnant women. I checked.” He replied as he took the lead towards an empty building.

Which wasn’t empty after all. They ended up on a crowded waiting room. There was a person with a nose growing on her forehead. Severus held Petunia by the elbow and lead her to a woman in light green robes.

“This is Petunia Dursley, Lily Potter’s sister.”

“Oh, good. She woke up ten minutes ago.”

They were led into a blank white hallway that stretched too far to fit in the building. The woman knocked the door to the room 026. Petunia had to gasp when she saw the state of her younger sister: her freckles were almost brown against her ghostly pale skin, and as soon as Lily saw them coming in, she covered her mouth, and sobbed.

“Harry’s gone.” Lily said. “He’s gone.”

Petunia had some love for her sister after all. She cried too when she came to sit at the edge of the bed, cradling Lily’s head on her lap.

 _Thank you_ , Severus mouthed to her before leaving them alone.


	52. Chapter 52

The first thing Hermione registered was the smell of whiskey.

“Just go back to sleep, Hermione. I didn’t stop to consider you’d probably need a smaller dose than I do.”

She fell asleep again.

Waking up was like wagging through thick mud or struggling against quicksand. Her consciousness came back, bit by bit, and so did her memories. Crashing to the past. Snape. Lily. The miscarriage.

 _Lily_.

Hermione opened her eyes and the room swam around her. There were two of Severus sitting close by, feet propped up on the bed. She tried to speak, but her tongue was heavy in her mouth and refused to cooperate.

“I’m so sorry.” said Severus, rushing to her side with a glass of water. “I really shouldn’t have given you the whole vial.”

He sat her up and made her drink a few small sips.

“How… How long…”

“It’s one in the afternoon of the following day.”

“Lily…”

“Don’t worry about Lily. I got that taken care of first thing; Petunia is with her, and will stay with her.”

Her memory drew a blank after receiving the terrible news. She leaned back on the pillows and asked:

“What happened? I don’t remember.”

“I think you went into shock. You were catatonic and breaking cold sweats when I brought you home yesterday.”

Severus sat back down again, and there was only one of him then. He had been watching her sleep, with a book and a mug of something, clad in comfortable pajamas. Hermione closed her eyes again, still a bit light-headed.

She ruined it.

Ruined everything.

She started all this because of Harry and there wasn’t a Harry anymore.

She started to cry.

Severus slipped under the covers with her and held her tight, chin resting on the top of her head as she sobbed into his chest. For an hour, or two, or a century, she didn’t know.

“I took two weeks off work.” he said. “To keep an eye on you.”

Hermione shook her head no.

“Don’t. I don’t want to burden you even more than I do.”

“You can’t be left alone in your state. Trust me on this. You aren’t the first grieving, depressed woman I had to look after.”

Nothing was said for a while. The tears slowly dried from Hermione’s eyes, leaving behind a dull ache in her chest. Would it ever go away?

“With the upside that you’re tiny and you’re not my mother. If I have to strip you naked and put you under the shower to get you to clean yourself, I will.” Severus said. “And if I have to wrestle you to make you eat, I will win from you.”

Hermione pulled away from him, shaking her head again.

“I’m not going to be like this. I’m… I’m going to get myself together.”

“I’m not risking it. If you hurt yourself or do something even more stupid than that, I won’t be able to do anything other than meet another Hermione all over again. And I don’t want that. I want _you_.”

“Seriously,” Hermione insisted. “I don’t need a babysitter. I just need to let it hurt for a while and I will be fine.”

Severus raised a brow. She changed the subject:

“What did you say about Petunia anyway?”

“Lily had no one to look after her. Potter wasn’t an option and I needed to be here with you, so I spoke to Petunia. Lily will stay with her sister.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. Given… Given the way she used to treat… Harry.”

“But it isn’t Harry. It’s Lily. Just Lily.” Severus replied, softly. “And Petunia loves her sister, deny it as she might.”

Hermione wasn’t given to swearing, but…

“I fucked it up. So bad.” A pang in her chest. “I should have known, I should have—”

“Something always goes wrong. If it isn’t Harry not being born, it could be Harry being born in a shitty household with a psychopath for a father, or growing up too poor, or growing up without his parents anyway because this is a war and they have a target on their backs. Lily moreso. Something _always_ goes wrong. At least, unlike me, this wasn’t your own doing. It was an accident. I know there is nothing I can say to make the pain go away, I wish there was. But… Don’t rub salt on your wounds.”

She swallowed dry and let herself be cuddled again.

Severus didn’t get enough credit from her, did he? Maybe she did baby him too much. He wasn’t entirely fine, and she could tell. He was pulling at his own bootstraps because Hermione couldn’t pull hers.

“How are you feeling?” she asked.

“I… I vanished the fucking couch. Even if I got the… The _stain_ out of there, I couldn’t look at it. If I could wreck the entire living room floor, I would.” A sigh. “Yes, I don’t care for Harry as much as you do. He was never a person for me, and if he were… Well, I can’t attest that I’d begin caring. Though I do feel for Lily more than I can say. You know… She dreamed of meeting the love of her life, marrying, building a family, having children. The whole deal. It all fell apart.”

“She can still have that. She’s so young.” Hermione replied.

“But she will always think of herself as tainted. And, of course… She loved Harry. _Loves_ Harry.”

“I love him, too.”

“I’m sorry you didn’t get to meet him twice as you met me.”

She grasped the fabric of Severus’ t-shirt. His smell was a recomforting mixture of cologne, and shampoo and deodorant and fabric softener. He always smelled clean, and he was starting to smell like home, too.

Severus kissed her forehead.

“And I’m really sorry that I _always_ find a way to fuck it up. This was _my_ fault. Potter is a coward. He’d never do anything too serious to me.”

“What he already did is too serious, Severus.” Hermione pulled herself up to kiss his jaw. “You had no way of knowing getting yourself out of harm’s way would end up like this.”

“Still.”

There was much to be said. Much to be discussed. All Hermione could say instead was:

“I love you.”


	53. Chapter 53

“Ugh, I feel gross. I’m going to shower and brush my teeth.” Hermione said, slipping away from Severus’ grasp.

He smiled. He felt happy, despite everything. Hermione wouldn’t acknowledge — to him or to herself — that she didn’t yet treat him like an equal.

Surely, he was half her age. With it, came being half her experience and half her maturity… But not about everything. On his own, he’d make terrible decisions, which was not the same as being helpless about everything and anything. It was not the same as not being able to help her if she needed it.

Losing Harry was a tragedy. If anything, though, it showed Severus could be a partner, and not just a nuisance Hermione wanted to have sex with. No doubt, that was what she thought of him after a while — lovingly, of course.

After a while, she got out of the bathroom, birthday suit and all, heading for the dresser.

Severus supposed that her second impression of him was leagues better than the first: a nuisance she would never consider having sex with. He still remembered the face she made when he suggested that she slept on his bed.

And he didn’t even say he had to be on it too…

Hermione did bite her tongue on that one.

“Where did you put my underwear, Severus?”

“All of your clothes are on the top drawer. They are way in the back, though. You accumulated a surprising amount of clothes for someone who has been here for just over a month.”

She wasn’t feeling like herself, yet she smiled.

“You know, I’m never ever getting near a time-turner again. If it breaks on me and I end up somewhere in time that you are Professor Snape… I’m not going to live with myself. The Professor Snape I knew used the same robes you use for work now.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah.”

Hermione slipped on a pair of panties and one of his shirts before snuggling with him again. Her breath smelt minty. Severus carefully maneuvered his position so she couldn’t tell he was rock hard. He may be grieving, too, but he wasn’t _dead_ , and Hermione was too gorgeous of a naked woman. Still, though, he figured it’d be the last thing on her mind.

Except it wasn’t.

With her lips pressed against the curve of his neck, her hand slid down his stomach and rested on top of his erection.

“Are you sure—”

“Yes,” Hermione said. “Yes, I am sure.”

“Then why did you put on clothes?” Severus asked as he got on top of her, between her legs.

“Taking them off is part of the fun, I guess.”

Though Severus didn’t jump straight to that. He kissed her first and stroked her clit through the underwear. He didn’t want to be naked, but he didn’t have to be naked to have sex. What he did need to do was making sure Hermione was wet enough.

By then, he had already learned the lesson even fingers could be too rough if he rushed it.

After coming once, for sure she’d be ready.

She unknowingly scratched his back and bucked her hips against his fingertips, panting on his ear. He continued with the same slow rhythm. It felt better for her if he kept her on the edge for a bit. Right up until…

“Make me cum already.” Hermione pleaded. “Please.”

He stripped off her underwear and used his mouth to finish the job. When he came up for air, he was already pressing against her, sliding in. Hermione was so snug around him.

Severus paced his breath as he moved inside of her.

He abhorred the expression “make love” and swore to never use it, though he realized there could be a difference. It wasn’t really about getting off, that time. Hermione wanted to be close to someone. Close to _him_.

Certainly, sex was a pleasurable way to achieve that.

Severus got off anyway, though at least this time he had enough self-control to cum on her stomach and not inside. Either way, Hermione needed to clean herself afterwards and he went down the stairs to get started on the dinner.

If it were for him, he’d eat a couple of buttered toasts and be fine with that, though Hermione hadn’t eaten for over a day, so he settled for a fancy pasta dish with meat in it.

When she came down, she hugged him from behind and said:

“Just so you know, I can’t get pregnant.”

Right. She never mentioned children.

“I suppose I should have known.”

“I chose not to be able to. I went through surgery, snip my tubes, all of that. I want you to know there is no undoing or pill I can take. And that I don’t _want_ to have children.”

Severus set down a lid on the pot and turned to her; her brows were creased in mild anxiety.

“Why is that a problem?”

“Ever wondered why I divorced my husband? Yes, he cheated on me, but… We wouldn’t get to that point if we agreed at least on children. We did love each other very much and were happy for many years before that little disagreement got in the way. I want to clear this up before I start thinking we might have a future together after all, and not just out of licking each other’s wounds.”

A future.

He wanted to look forward to that, but…

“I still don’t know if I’ll make through the war.”

“I’ll make sure that you do.”

It was a promise Hermione couldn’t really keep… Severus didn’t want to drag her mood down by reminding her that his life was on the tight rope, regardless of who he worked for. He didn’t know what to say, though.

And he didn’t have to say anything because someone knocked on the door.

Couldn’t be good. Lily had just gotten away from Potter in a disagreement Severus started. And, hopefully, Potter had no idea where she was. Even though it should be obvious for someone with more than two brain cells.

Severus had his wand prepared when he opened the door.

Dumbledore sniffed the air.

“I suppose I arrived at a very convenient time.”


	54. Chapter 54

“What do you want?” Severus snarled as Dumbledore walked inside, and, seeing that there was no couch in the living room, conjured a chair to sit.

Dumbledore’s eyes rested upon Hermione, and finally, her naked legs sticking out of the oversized t-shirt, which couldn’t be hers.

“Or was it an inconvenient time?” he asked as if Severus had said nothing to him.

“Inconvenient, definitely.”

“I won’t be long.”

Dumbledore didn’t pay much attention to Hermione after that — for some reason, she feared he’d recognize her. Well, if he were to recognize her, that would have to be at her first year of Hogwarts. And she was certain that he didn’t. Perhaps before Lily’s miscarriage, there was still a way, however convoluted, for the past to flow into the future Hermione belonged…

That slim chance was gone.

Which alerted her to the possibility that, in her Hogwarts’ years, there was a Hermione prancing around the world, a version of her who crashed the past and wisely decided not to get involved.

Well. No use thinking about _that_.

“Is this about Lily or about the late eye of Potter’s?” Severus pressed, uncomfortable to have Dumbledore in his own home.

“It is about Lily, of course. It has come to my attention that she vanished from home.”

Hermione remained planted in the kitchen. She wanted to cover up, but she didn’t want to miss the conversation.

Severus groaned.

“Is this what Potter told you she did? Didn’t he tell you she meant to divorce him after realizing how much of a sick fuck he is?”

Dumbledore blinked, and the slightest crack in his easygoing façade appeared. James didn’t tell him the whole truth. Lily had been clear in her short stay at Spinner’s End: she ended things with him. She didn’t just get up and left in the middle of the night.

“Ah, well, it seems I was given an incomplete version of the facts. But, by your answer, I’d gauge that she has been here recently.”

“She has, and she is gone, and tell Potter I’m not telling you or anybody where she is. And…” Severus’ voice faltered a bit. “If by chance he’s worried about his child, he has no reason to worry about it anymore. Lily unfortunately miscarried. I took her to the hospital myself.”

Dumbledore nodded, grave and unsurprised, which made Severus cross his arms in front of his chest.

“Are you done running Potter’s errand, Dumbledore?”

“He wanted to come here in person. For obvious reasons, I thought that to be unwise, given he has only one eye left to lose. Besides, as a Headmaster, it doesn’t bode well for me to divulge the address of former students.”

“So now you decide to be a half-decent Headmaster… The world is truly coming to an end, isn’t it?” Severus scoffed.

“Why did you join the Order of the Phoenix, Severus?” Dumbledore asked, cutting to the chase.

“It seems to be the only way I can help. Trust me, if there was any other way…”

 _That_ was true.

“What I fear is that you’ll lose your motivation to help after the recent events.”

Which meant, Dumbledore thought Severus wanted to join the Order only because Lily was in direct danger, given the prophecy. Not anymore, because her baby was gone. Hermione watched Severus. What was he going to say? She felt like she watched a chess match.  

“Cut the crap. You think I’m a Death Eater.”

Bold play.

Moreso because Severus didn’t say that he wasn’t a Death Eater.

Dumbledore glanced over to Hermione, the eavesdropper.

“I know what is going on. I’d join the Order myself if I weren’t a stranger to everyone, given that I am muggleborn.”

The situation was not as simple as Severus not being a Death Eater because he dated a muggleborn, though at least it spoke favorably in his favor. That made Dumbledore turn back to Severus.

“Yes, I would not be surprised if you were, indeed, a Death Eater. Given that you aren’t…” he sighed. “Lily persuaded me to accept you with a role in mind. Perhaps for that reason, and many others, it would be for the best if you no longer attended the meetings.”

Severus spelled it out:

“In other words… You want people not to know I’m in the Order, so they’ll share information with me. Namely, the Death Eaters I know.”

“Nothing passes by you, Severus. I am concerned about the destiny of Peter Pettigrew, and we’ve had recent problems with sensitive information leaking to the Death Eater’s ranks. Maybe… You can be in touch with people who will provide enlightening answers.”

“Maybe I can.”

“I hope that you will.”

“I’ll take it. I’d rather be the spy than having to worry if I will survive the next Order of the Phoenix meeting. How will we communicate, though?”

Dumbledore stood up, having accomplished his true objective in the visit.

“That is for a later time, when there is _what_ to communicate.” A pause. “Which I am certain will be soon. You were always very efficient, as a student.”

Severus’ lips curled up in a sneer.

“I already said I’m doing it.” he said. “No need to lick my boots, Dumbledore.”

“Well. I shall be going, then. And, for your information… The Order of the Phoenix accepts everyone. Even Death Eaters.” Dumbledore replied. “Or strangers.”

Severus narrowed his gaze and showed the door to Dumbledore. Hermione carefully stepped to the empty living room, eyes still where the Headmaster had sat a moment before.

“He doesn’t buy it that I’m not a Death Eater, I can tell that much.”

Hermione shook her head. She already knew Dumbledore, deep down, was a callous strategist. Still, it shocked her to know how far he’d go, how much he was willing to bet the lives of twenty-years-olds in the name of his cause.

“It’s not that. He’s grooming you to _become_ a Death Eater.”

“Ha,” Severus exclaimed, heading to kitchen, entirely unconcerned. “Good thing I always did my homework ahead of time.”


	55. Chapter 55

Severus grew antsy as the days went by. As content as he was playing house, he urged to see the war over. He was a Death Eater and couldn’t walk away from it as long as Voldemort lived. However…

Hermione needed the break. It was not just about losing Harry, after all. She was stuck in this timeline, without a shadow of doubt, and even though she much spoke about not leaving anything behind… She left her parents. She left memories, colleagues and even her career — touching a time-turner again was out of question for her.

In the peaceful week that passed, Severus learned the details of Petunia’s neglectful parenting towards Harry, of his own abusive behavior in the classroom, how Hermione got to know so much of him being a student of his that he particularly despised. He also finally got a name for the ex-husband… Ron Weasley.

He thought he’d be jealous of learning about Ron, however it served to show he fit her preference for pale, lanky guys; and that they both shared a past appreciation for redheads. All in all, it was more of a bonding experience than anything else.

The peace didn’t last forever, naturally. It ended when Severus received an invitation from Lucius Malfoy for a “party”, by which he meant a more informal reunion of Death Eaters and sympathizers, away from the presence of the Dark Lord. Voldemort distanced himself more and more from humanity; he was no longer the charismatic leader that drew the oldest Death Eaters in. The newer crowd needed a more friendly face to latch on to, and that face was Lucius Malfoy.

“Will you be alright by yourself for the evening?” Severus asked Hermione.

She stretched herself out on the “new” couch he got, comfortably tucked in with her Walkman, a book and a cup of tea.

“I think I can manage a handful of hours without you, don’t worry about me.”

“I will anyway. The whole time that I’m gone. I need that worry to be unfounded, though.”

“It will be unfounded. Besides, I don’t think you want Lucius Malfoy thinking you actually care for your muggleborn girlfriend.”

There was that. He leaned over her to give her a parting kiss, and said:

“ _Care_ would be the understatement of the century.”

Hermione smiled at him, cupping his cheek. She always said that _he_ was intense, but in the recent days, she managed to get him flustered now that she took him seriously, for once.

“Come back home in one piece, baby. If I must bring the Malfoy Manor down stone by stone, I will, but the book I’m reading right now is really good, so if I could stay home tonight…”

There was a second parting kiss, and a third, and a fourth, and with that, Severus was finally off to the Malfoy Manor, wondering just how the hell did he thought becoming a Death Eater would be a good idea for his post-graduation plans.

Even ignoring the whole promoting genocide side of the thing, he didn’t fit with the rich, pureblood crowd. He didn’t like rich, pureblood people. The Malfoys were the only ones he could manage to find likeable, and even then…

They were pretty much vouching for the death of muggleborns. So how likeable could they be?

Well, Narcisa was radiant with her pregnant belly. It scared Severus to see how much could a fetus develop in short amounts of time. She spent the evening sat a comfortable armchair in the study that served a mingling space and Severus sat by her most of the time, too uncomfortable to socialize with anyone else.

Besides, after all the research he did, he knew the right questions to ask. Such as… When was the baby due?

“Draco is a big baby. He may be due to the end of the summer or start of autumn, though I think he is to be born sooner. June, perhaps.” Narcisa droned. “His room is ready, either way. Whenever he comes, he comes.”

“And you are feeling well?”

She waved a dismissive hand.

“The usual. My back aches all day,” Severus hoped her pregnancy wouldn’t end up in a miscarriage. “My feet are swollen, I’m huge.” Her voice lowered: “I’m full of stretchmarks.”

But even Hermione had them, pale brown stripes against her darker skin, and she had never been pregnant.

“I’m certain Lucius won’t pay any mind to that.”

“He better not.” Narcisa said.

She seemed to be in pristine health, and when it came to her due date, she wasn’t too off. Draco would be born in June… Severus leaned back on his own armchair, rubbing his chin. He wasn’t sure if he was just putting too much faith on the Malfoys, but… The Malfoys would cooperate, wouldn’t they, if they thought Draco could be in danger?

They had an horcrux, and if it simply vanished from their home, they’d alert Voldemort. It wasn’t like the ring, tucked away in a place no one paid any mind, or the locket, unknowingly smuggled to Grimmauld Place.

When Severus came back home, he had to burst Hermione’s peaceful bubble:

“Do we have a plan on how to get the last two horcruxes?”

There was the diadem, too, but they already knew where it was and how to get to it, so…

“Did you hear anything about the cup?”

“No, and I doubt I will. Bellatrix despises me, you know. She thinks I’m a pussy because I don’t go on the raids and rape muggleborn women.”

Hermione narrowed her gaze to Severus.

“You have something in mind.”

“It is not a new idea.” he conceded. “I just… Thought that… With everything that happened, you may be more willing to agree with what I came up with.”

Hermione sat up, and put away her Walkman and her book, folding her legs.

The whole reason why she came to him and stop him from leaking the prophecy was to not put Harry in danger.

And Harry didn’t exist anymore.

“You came to me because you didn’t want me to leak the prophecy.” He said, tentative. “Though I’m starting to think the only way we’ll get to the remaining horcruxes is to leak the prophecy anyway.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, peeps! I'm really sorry that I haven't been answering to the comments as I usually do. As you can tell, I'm rushing to finish this fanfic, on top of not being very well health-wise, so I don't have the energy to keep up with my inbox, let alone while uploading two, three times a day. I've been reading the comments, and appreciating them, and replying a few that I think need a quicker reply (like one commenter who warned me to put up pregnancy loss trigger warnings, thank you so much!). I'll get down to clearing my inbox -- I just don't know when...


	56. Chapter 56

“No,” chided Hermione. “Absolutely not. Are you _insane_?”

“I didn’t say my plan was to leak the prophecy to Voldemort. I meant the Malfoys. To make them get the horcruxes for us since Draco _could_ be born at the end of July.”

Hermione by then had stood up, and crossed her arms, looking away from Severus. On the top of her head, she could already think of hundreds of ways Severus’ plan could backfire.

First and foremost, though, it could backfire on him.

“So you will just admit to the Malfoys that you’ve been plotting to kill Voldemort? Like they won’t turn you in for the chance of keeping Draco alive?”

That gave Severus pause. It was not that Hermione doubted his intelligence — she doubted his wisdom, though, and with good reason.

“They could do that, yes. They could also not believe me at all or believe me and decide to wait until Draco is born to do something about it, in which case my whole plan will be useless either way, though… I don’t think they’d take such a risk.”

“You don’t _think_?” Clearly, he did not think at all. Hermione scoffed. “You don’t think. That sounds safe enough to bet your own neck on!”

Severus stood as well.

“Admit it, it’s a good idea. It’s risky, but if it works, we can have this war over in less than a couple of months. How many more people will die if this war goes on? The Order of the Phoenix is in shambles and everyone knows it. The Ministry is being taken over. And soon enough this window of opportunity will be gone. Narcisa already thinks Draco is due June. Give it a month, and there will be no room for doubt.”

Hermione shook her head no.

“Then let this opportunity pass. We’ll think of something else. Something safer.”

“Hermione,” Severus said, softly, placing a hand on her shoulder and pulling her close. “You can’t keep me safe.”

She swallowed hard and wrapped her arms around his waist.

If something happened to Severus, she was never going to recover. Maybe she’d get a taste of what was like to be the Professor Snape from her past. Quietly, but surely, he became everything to her in so many ways. He wasn’t just putting a roof over her head, keeping her fed and clothed.

He kept her sane.

She should have kept her distance from him, in the end. If she were not so enamored, the reality he could die at any moment, given his position, wouldn’t be so terrifying. She could think of a future without Harry, but a future without Severus wasn’t a future worth living.

Hermione knew better than anyone such feelings were unhealthy. As soon as the war was over, she’d have to move out from Spinner’s End, find a job, find friends, have a life outside of Severus, a life of her own.

The war wasn’t over, though. And Hermione was grief-stricken, exhausted, and so in love with Severus. If something happened to him… Her whole world would be swept from under her feet.

“There is not a small chance of me dropping dead,” he went on. “At any moment, my Occlumency could slip, or Voldemort could sense something off with my Dark Mark. You can’t protect me from all risk. More than that… I _chose_ to get the Dark Mark. Being in this position is entirely my own fault, and I must face the consequences of my actions. If it means risking my neck, so be it. I’m already risking my neck, anyway.”

A knot grew on Hermione’s throat.

Severus was right.

Maybe he was not old enough to fully realize the scope of how dangerous his idea was, but indeed he chose to get himself involved with Voldemort and become a Death Eater.

She couldn’t keep him safe from all harm, and frankly she shouldn’t even bother.

Hermione pulled away and recomposed herself.

“So how do you plan to do this? Telling the Malfoys you’ve been hunting the horcruxes?”

“I don’t intend to tell the Malfoys about the horcrux first thing.” Severus replied. “I’ll tell them about the prophecy and gauge their reaction to it. If they’ll realize that, for a few months, they’ll be on the tight rope. Or, what is more likely, Voldemort will ask them to interrupt the pregnancy as to not take any chances. The Malfoys won’t want that. One of them is infertile and who knows if they’ll have another child.”

For a terrible liar, Severus knew how to play his cards. Hermione shouldn’t have been surprised, after seeing the way he handled Dumbledore; if he had to utter the words “I’m not a Death Eater”, he’d stumble. He said anything, but that, making Dumbledore come to that conclusion based on incomplete truths.

“If it frightens them, _then_ I’ll talk about the horcruxes. How I’ve been looking for them since learning about the prophecy.” he went on. “I’m Draco’s godfather, after all.”

“You are persuasive, I’ll give you that.” Hermione said, in a lighter mood. “The Potters weren’t the only ones affected by the prophecy leak, though. Another family was hunted in the meantime. However well you plan this, there is always a chance Voldemort will end up knowing about the prophecy after you talk about it with the Malfoys, and before you do any of this, I want the Longbottoms out of the way. Were they hiding? Do you know?”

Severus raised both of his brows.

“The Longbottoms?”

“Harry wasn’t the only boy in the wizardry world who grew up without his parents because of the prophecy.” Hermione replied. “Alice Longbottom is pregnant, isn’t she? Her little boy will be Neville Longbottom.”

“She’s pregnant, and given the last Order of the Phoenix meeting, she didn’t plan on hiding. The Longbottoms are aurors. They think nothing will get to them.”

Hermione didn’t miss the spiteful undertone in that, but it was Severus after all. He didn’t like Longbottoms in general, it seemed like.

“We should show that they are wrong. And then we can proceed to your plan.”


	57. Chapter 57

Finding out where the Longbottoms lived turned out to be a time-consuming task. They were purebloods; so no landline on their house, or nothing traceable from the muggle world for that matter. Hermione had to sneak into Hogwarts, then find out the address of their childhood homes, and hope that at least their parents were still living in those addresses.

And then she’d have to sneak around in letters, once again with hope to find their current address.

Hermione figured it out, though. They lived in a small house at the outskirts of a wizardry village, nothing as fancy as the Malfoy Manor. Or even the Potter Manor, as Severus called it.

The next step was to wait for an overnight shift, at least for Alice. Hermione staked out on a rooftop close to their residence for three days, waiting for the right evening, knowing that if it took too long, Severus’ plan wouldn’t work.

But Alice couldn’t be in the house; Hermione didn’t want yet another miscarriage due to stress. At the very least, she learned such a thing for the third trimester of a pregnancy was rare, which corroborated Severus’ idea that Lily had something else going on that went unchecked.

“Wouldn’t a note suffice?” Severus asked, as they waited for the sun to set, backs rested against a chimney. The view was magnificent, of quiet houses and the golden valley beyond under the spring sky.

The days were getting longer, and they wouldn’t fit both underneath the cloak — and one of them had no intentions of ever using it. A simple disillusionment spell would suffice if they were still, on a place people paid no attention to. Moving about, to get into the well-warded house of an auror couple, though…

“They won’t move because of a note.” Hermione replied. “They need to leave this house, and _hide_. Hide very well.”

“It will put Voldemort into a frenzy.”

“It won’t last very long. He’ll be dead soon enough.”

They saw the poof of green smoke of Alice going to the Ministry through the Floo Network, and Frank Longbottom cooking dinner for himself, dancing around the house. Neville got his clumsiness from his father, it looked like.

And so night fell. With it, people went to sleep.

Hermione and Severus kicked into action. They climbed down the rooftop; the climb ended on an open backyard. The wizardry community was very lax with safety. Who needed walls and gates when one had wards? As if a wizard with intentions of trespassing wouldn’t know how to undo all of them without raising any alarm.

Though Hermione had to admit the Longbottoms came up with strong wards. Took her quite a bit to decipher how to even sneak in the backyard without sounding bells loud enough to wake up the whole village.

They were good, but Hermione was better. Frank Longbottom slept soundly as she and Severus went inside his home, turning over drawers, ripping papers apart — as long as they didn’t look like important documents —, cutting up the couch to cover the floor with fluffy white feathers. Some noise couldn’t be avoided, not enough to disturb Frank’s slumber, though.

Hermione went to the upper floor as well. She hesitated some before wrecking the room destined to Neville, already decorated and furnished.

Frank stirred on his bed.

Time to go.

She tiptoed down the stairs and with a nod, told Severus it was time for them to go. On their way out, she smashed a window, and the sound of glass breaking woke Frank up. He moved upstairs, lighting up the lanterns of the home.

“Is someone there? _Is someone there_?”

He must have been yelling, if Hermione heard him from his backyard.

Only then she delivered her final touch. With her wand aimed towards the sky, she whispered:

“Mosmordre!”

Even though Hermione had cast the Dark Mark herself, the sight of it on the sky still brought her terror. Her insides churned as Severus pulled her away by the elbow, towards a safe place to apparate home.

“I could have done that.” he commented. “The Dark Mark.”

“Then the spell would be on your wand.”

Once they were back home, they sat on the couch. Either Voldemort or Dumbledore would summon Severus in just a bit…

“You’re fucking with everyone’s heads,” he said.

“I know.”

He leaned to kiss her, though when he tried to slip his tongue inside her mouth and pull her to his lap, she scooted to the opposite end of the couch and remarked:

“You know someone is going to request your presence in a few minutes.”

“You don’t know that.” he argued in a low tone, just for the sake of it, and got closer to her.

“It’s impressive how fast your mind shifts from one thing to the other.” Hermione said, biting her lower lip as he ran the tip of his nose up her calves, following the lines of her legs, kissing the bare skin along the way — the weather was perfect for wearing shorts.

“I’m quick-witted, didn’t you hear?” he muttered, and got his kiss, finally.

Of course, he demanded more than just that. He slipped his hands inside her t-shirt to throw it aside; and unbuttoned his frock coat while sucking on her nipples. Hermione allowed him to do so, curious to see how far he’d take it.

Severus directed a hand of hers to his crotch.

“What has gotten you so hot and bothered, pray tell?” she asked, though she stroked his trigger-happy cock through the clothes anyway.

“Did I mention you frighten me sometimes?”

“And that circles back to—”

“Precisely.”

Oh fine. It was flattering to hear such things. Hermione began undoing his pants, thinking that she should at least pay him the courtesy of an orgasm, when, of course, a silver phoenix materialized into the living room, flapping her wings.

Severus froze to hear Dumbledore requesting him to be at the village where the Longbottoms live. The patronus went away after that. Severus said, under his breath:

“Fucking Dumbledore.”

To which Hermione could only laugh, despite everything.

“You set yourself up for that one.”


	58. Chapter 58

Dumbledore waited at the top of a nearby hill, overlooking the whole village. The Dark Mark still loomed over the Longbottom’s house. Not that Severus was supposed to know where the Longbottoms lived. So he said:

“Did someone die today?”

“Fortunately, no. I’d wager, though, that they would have been killed tonight if Voldemort so desired.”

If the Dark Lord had a Death Eater as powerful as Hermione, maybe.

“Who lives there?”

“Alice and Frank Longbottom. Two members of the Order of the Phoenix.”

“Well,” Severus replied. “Then they ought to move out and hide. Who knows what Voldemort will want from them next time.”

“The Longbottoms are safe, and far from here.” Dumbledore of course wouldn’t say where to a person he suspected of being a Death Eater, but he already said enough: the Longbottoms hid, like Hermione wanted them to. “Did you hear anything alluding to this attack, Severus? Maybe from your old housemates? Any idea of what the bigger scheme is?”

If the Headmaster ever said anything genuine, these questions were it. Hermione’s plans were throwing everyone off their loop. The Longbottoms sat at the kids’ table of the Order, even though they were older, more put-together kids. It wasn’t as if they had anything the Dark Lord would want — besides, well, a possible Chosen One.

Their baby boy aside, if they were to die in the war, it would only be by accident. They were purebloods who married each other. That gave pause to the Death Eaters.

And Dumbledore knew very well Pettigrew had no information worth kidnapping him over.

“You have me at a loss, Dumbledore.”

A burning pain shot up Severus’ left arm; and it wasn’t mild, either. The Dark Lord wished to speak to him at that moment.

Well… He’d have to wait. It’d be a struggle for Severus to keep his face still while in excruciating pain, though.

“Perhaps you should get more closely acquainted with some old friends. Something is afoot.”

“It would seem so. Was this all you wished to know, Dumbledore?”

“Yes, that would be all. A few members of the Order are investigating the house before the aurors arrive here, if you wish to join…”

“Potter is down there, isn’t he?” Severus asked. “I’d love to help, if only I wasn’t risking my neck. Did he find where Lily is yet?”

“I don’t think so.”

“He mustn’t be looking very hard for her. Then again, he never worked hard for anything useful in his life.”

Severus slid his gaze to Dumbledore. The friendly Headmaster mask was gone. His icy blue eyes were set on the village with a disapproving glare. Calculating as he may be, he did have a soft spot for Potter and his gang. And they were letting him down in a way he could not ignore.

“Lily is doing well,” he said. “Her sister is taking good care for her in such a painful moment.”

“Good. Now Potter is free to be up Black’s dick as he wanted to do from the beginning.” Severus retorted. “I’m leaving now. I’ll see if I can find a reason for this attack.”

“Thank you, Severus.”

He almost fainted as he walked away to apparate at a safe distance from Dumbledore. The pain in his arm was so bad his stomach churned, and, indeed, when he arrived at the Malfoy Manor, he threw up in a bush before going in.

Not to office, this time. The Malfoy Manor had a basement which had been cleared up for less socially acceptable activities, such as torture, murder, and rape. That meant someone would be in pain by the time the night was over.

The basement was already crowded with cloaked, masked people. Most were men. Severus wasn’t sure why Bellatrix bothered to mask herself when anyone could recognize her voice. Voldemort went around in circles, checking the wands as Hermione thought he’d do, looking for the person who raided the Longbottoms’ place on their own initiative.

Certainly, the Dark Lord knew were they lived all along. Now he didn’t know anymore, and not even for a good reason.

Even the older Death Eaters shuffled in their places, uncomfortable, unsure of what happened or why their wands being checked. Severus stood still when Voldemort stood before him and asked for his wand; he was the last one going through it.

“Follow me,” the Dark Lord said, and headed to the stairs leading out of the basement, to the ground floor of the Manor. “You should know, there is never a situation I think it’s fashionable to be late.”

“Dumbledore summoned me to the location of the raid.” Severus replied, taking off his mask.

Inside his mind, he felt Voldemort’s presence, trying to force his way through. Severus kept him on check, sticking only to the memories of the previous hour.

“I see.” Voldemort said after his retreat.

He leaded Severus out of the house, into the gardens.

“I assume you didn’t order this raid, my Lord. If the wands were being checked.”

“Someone thinks he’s clever enough to play pranks on me. First, Pettigrew. Now, this. I am certain that, whoever kidnapped Pettigrew, learned the spell for the Dark Mark from him.”

“Or it might be Pettigrew himself doing all of this.” Severus suggested, though he’d scarcely believe such a theory, even if he didn’t already know the culprit of all the situation.

 The Dark Lord sneered.

“As if he’d be capable of doing such a thing.”

“I wouldn’t cross the possibility just yet.”

“We shall see about that. I have a mission for you.”

Severus swallowed dry.

“What do you wish of me?”

“I want you to get rid of Potter and his friends.” The Dark Lord said. “I have the feeling… They figured Pettigrew’s true alliances. And don’t they have a record of acting behind Dumbledore’s back?”

They did.

“Potter’s invisibility cloak was stolen recently. It all seems to be connected, and if so, this suggests he isn’t the one behind these unfortunate events. Furthermore… Why the need to fake a raid on the Longbottom’s place?”

“That is for you to find out. Or, better yet, if they all are seven feet under, and this stops… We won’t need any more answers, will we? Don’t tell me, that night… You wished to stop at just one eye.”

 

 


	59. Chapter 59

When Severus arrived, he zipped straight to the bathroom to rinse his mouth.

“Did something happen?” Hermione question, her brows creased in worry as she leaned against the door frame of his bathroom.

“Voldemort summoned me as I was speaking to Dumbledore, so naturally I replied to his summon a bit late… To cut it short, I was in so much pain from my Dark Mark that I threw up on a bush. I hope the Malfoys don’t mind.”

Severus picked up his toothbrush and toothpaste. His hands were trembling as he brushed his teeth, and his complexion had a worryingly green undertone to it.

“It hurt that bad?”

He looked at his own reflection; the purple circles around his eyes became even more pronounced, in contrast with his sickened face. He spit on the sink, rinse his mouth again, and set his toothbrush aside.

“I look terrible, I suppose. Not because of that.”

“So why do you look so bad?”

“I will need to rush with my plan… Suddenly, I am in a bit of a time crunch. More than just Narcisa’s pregnancy.” He paused. “Voldemort has so kindly asked me to kill Potter. And Black. And Lupin.”

“Crap.”

“If it is not yet obvious to you, I don’t want to do that. Though, of course, Voldemort thinks I’m frothing at the mouth for the opportunity of getting rid of them. Which…” he paused. “I am. Metaphorically. Sometimes, when I close my eyes… I still can see Potter’s sliced eye.”

Hermione chewed the insides of her mouth.

She got Severus all wrong the first time around, and not without good reason. For someone with anger management issues as he became, he was not as violent as he should have been. He yelled, sure — many times at her — and threw jars on the walls, and made threats, but he never went as far as causing physical harm.

Too bad that by then he was too abusive for someone to get close to him. Not that Hermione herself would be able to handle all the baggage… Perhaps, though, he would have attempted being decent if someone had validated his struggles and didn’t mock him for who he was.

Gentle, sweet, and not at all inclined to violence, despite his short temper.

“And the only way for you to get away with not doing it is if Voldemort’s dead.” Hermione said.

“It seems so. It’s not as if they’ll cooperate with me if I ask. More than that: I don’t want to work with them even if it’s to save my life. Because, for all I know, they could kill me too. If Black’s little prank is any evidence. Imagine what he’d want to do with me if he knew I became a Death Eater.”

With that he passed by her and plopped down to the bed, in his best starfish position — with care not to dirty the beddings with his boots.  

There was a pit in Hermione’s chest. She feared that, in his rush to end Voldemort, he’d slip. Get something wrong. She went to sit by the edge of the bed and ran her fingers through his hair.

“Isn’t there a way to get Dumbledore to make them disappear for a while?”

“When did they ever listen to Dumbledore?” Severus replied. “If they did, Voldemort wouldn’t assume they kidnapped Pettigrew and kept quiet about it.”

There was no way out, was there?

“I’ve made dinner. I shall confess I betrayed you and already ate, but I saved some for you. It’s downstairs.”

He raised a brow at her.

“And here I was thinking my dinner was right here.”

Though it was just a tease. That night was one of the rare occasions Hermione would get to sleep without making a last-minute detour to the bathroom to clean herself.  

“You should eat.” she said.

“I should. Will I have your company?”

“I…” she hesitated. “I need to organize a few things up here.”

Severus didn’t buy it, though he went downstairs to eat anyway. Hermione went to her to drawer and fished out a small ziplock bag where she kept the little jewelry she managed to hoard. There was a particular ring she looked for, a thick silver band that she adjusted for her dainty fingers.

Then she went to sit by the bed and adjusted it for Severus instead. It became a discreet, thin ring. Something he wouldn’t protest to wear all the time. A few charms later, it was ready. She went downstairs to meet him at the kitchen table.

“Sorry to interrupt your dinner,” Hermione said as she picked up one of his hands and slipped the ring on his middle finger.

“Whatever is it that you are asking me…” he replied, well-humored. “My answer is yes.”

“Shut up.” Hermione went to sit across from him. “I put a Protean charm in it. If you’re in danger, you can get to me. It’s… A Dark Mark. In ring format.”

“I’m your Death Eater now, isn’t it?”

“More like I’m _your_ Death Eater. Except my Dark Mark will burn my ears.”

She got her hair out of the way to dangle her little golden hoops that came with her from the future.

“That has to be the most romantic thing you’ve done to me.”

“You said that as if I’ve never swallowed your cum.”

He choked on his own saliva.

“Second most,” he corrected in between a laugh and a cough, his ears red.

Hermione wished she could just vanish his Dark Mark, and they could travel somewhere far to only return when the war was over. She would never take such idea seriously, though. For one, the war could spread and reach them.

She sighed and rested her chin on her palm.

“I love you so much it concerns me.”

“Wait until you learn how much I love you,” Severus replied. “Since you were already concerned by how much I used to love Lily.”

A moment of silence passed by.

“I guess I need to ask…” he said. “After all of this, am I still just pretending you are my girlfriend?”

“Aren’t I a little too old for that title?”

“Aren’t I too young and useless to be in a relationship with you?”

Hermione shook her head.

“Not at all.”


	60. Chapter 60

Severus adjusted his collar. He didn’t have nearly enough time to prepare, but he could not delay it a single day. The door opened for him as he climbed up the steps to the Malfoy Manor’s front door. To the upper floors he went, towards the study in which Lucius Malfoy “worked”.

“What do I owe the honor, Severus?”

Though his tone was casual, Lucius’ posture stiffened. Should be pretty obvious Severus didn’t invite himself to the manor for no good reason.

“There is something I wish to discuss with you. Do you, perhaps, own a pensieve?”

“What for?”

“I am not certain you will believe what I have to say unless you see with your own two eyes. Your unborn son might be in grave danger.”

Lucius pressed his lips so tight that the muscles of his jaw throbbed underneath the skin. He stood, and lead Severus to the Malfoy’s private bedroom, which was nearly as big as a whole entire floor of Spinner’s End.

A pensieve stood by a corner, beside a bookshelf. Lucius made a flourish:

“It is all yours.”

Severus tried not to think too hard about the fact he was in the Malfoy’s bedroom as he pulled out his wand out of the pocket, and touched his temple with it, recalling that fateful stormy night in which he met Hermione — stopping short right at the moment Abeforth kicked him out of Hog’s Head Inn, of course.

Pulling away the wand, a silvery wisp was attached to its tip. Severus released it on the air and pushed down towards the pensieve’s contents. Lucius dived right into the memory.

Severus waited. If it weren’t for occlumency, for sure his heart would be drumming against his rib cage. If it failed, if he slipped, if Lucius Malfoy wasn’t convinced…

“This prophecy doesn’t apply to us. When have I defied our Dark Lord? So far, I have been his most loyal follower!”

“Then you know more than anyone else he is paranoid, trusts no one, and sometimes isn’t the sanest person in the room.” Severus argued. “He won’t believe that you haven’t thrice defied him. And he won’t hesitate to make sure there is not a single of risk of such a powerful child being born.”

Lucius wavered, and then went to sit at an armchair by a window, rubbing his forehead.

“You are being too rash. It isn’t July yet. Draco might be born sooner than that.”

“So what are you suggesting? Keeping quiet about the prophecy?” Severus replied. “Isn’t that a defiance of the Dark Lord’s wishes?”

He _was_ being too rash. Ideally, he’d have more time to perfect his arguments and persuasions to make Lucius buy it that the Dark Lord needed to be destroyed. Now he had to grasp at straws and try to put together a crooked rationale.

Still, there were a few cards up his sleeve. He went on:

“How many more times will you go against the Dark Lord’s will until your son’s labor to keep him from learning about the prophecy? It should be sitting at the Department of Mysteries as of now, for one, and as we know, the Dark Lord is infiltrated in the Ministry. Or Dumbledore could try and locate this chosen child. What am I to do, if I learn about this prophecy once again?”

Lucius became paler and paler as Severus spoke.

The bedroom door flew open; Narcisa came in, light as a breeze, despite the belly. Until she saw the state of her husband…

Severus didn’t want to tell her right away, given what had happened to Lily upon hearing stressful news, however he no longer had a choice.

“What… What happened? Severus?” she asked.

“I’m afraid I bring… Disturbing news.”

“There is a prophecy, love. Of a child that could destroy the Dark Lord. And this child… Could be ours.” Lucius said.

“How do you know that, Lucius?”

“Severus overheard it. He showed me the memory. It’s true. He has kept it a secret from the Dark Lord until now. Nevertheless, the prophecy could reach the Lord.” Lucius pointed to the pensieve with his head. “You can see for yourself.”

Narcisa went to the pensieve with a sure strut. And when she returned, she was no less grounded. Shocked, yes. Afraid, too. Though where Lucius had trembled and denied and hesitated, Narcisa turned to Severus and asked:

“What should we do? Surely, you didn’t decide to break your silence without a plan.”

“I do have a plan. And a confession.”

“You can tell us anything, my dear.”

“Becoming a Death Eater was the worst mistake I’ve ever made.” Severus replied.

Lucius almost snapped his neck to stare.

“You can’t possibly mean that.”

“Come on, Lucius, you know pureblood supremacy is a load of crap. And even if it weren’t, the Dark Lord wouldn’t be the right person to achieve it; the moment he gets what he wants, he will find another group of people to chase after. Who knows when I will be next. Who knows when will _you_ be next.”

Narcisa laughed.

“What is your plan, then, Severus? Kill the Dark Lord?”

“…Yes.”

“The Dark Lord cannot be killed.” Lucius replied, his tone way too soft for someone who reproved the idea entirely.

“Not if we destroy all of his horcruxes. You have one in your possession, do you not? A diary? The leatherbound diary I saw you with the day Voldemort tasked me with the job of infiltrating the Order of the Phoenix?”

Silence.

“There are five. I already am in possession of two. I am certain you will voluntarily give me the diary, and Bellatrix Lestrange has the fourth, which, with your help…”

“No,” said Lucius. “This is madness.”

Narcisa stomped her foot.

“Would you rather see me and your son in danger, Lucius? Don’t tell me I have loved and married the wrong man.”

Severus watched, very still, afraid that a movement of his or a too deep of a breath would turn the tides against him.

“No, of course not, love. I… I’ll do whatever it takes to see you and Draco safe.”

“Then the Dark Lord must go.”


	61. Chapter 61

Hermione kept waiting for the moment her ears would burn and she’d have to storm Malfoy Manor after Severus. Though it never came. What happened instead was him opening the front door and walking inside with a relieved smile.

She ran to him, wrapping her arms around his waist, and pressing her cheek against his chest. She could not bear the thought of something happening to Severus, not after losing Harry. There wasn’t a timeline where Hermione Granger could have it all, but that would be too big of a loss.

“It worked.” he said, softly, as his lips rested against the top of her head.

“I’m glad. You have no idea how much.”

She put some distance between them, and Severus cupped her cheeks with both hands, and gave her a quick kiss.

“The Malfoys wouldn’t fuck around with Draco’s safety. Narcisa, moreso. Lucius’s a fucking wimp. I should have gone to her first thing, but I didn’t want her to miscarry or anything. Good thing she walked in on us. She is going to find the cup and she also has given me the diary.”

Hermione supposed she should have seen it coming. Didn’t Narcisa, after all, lie to Voldemort’s face about Harry being dead? The outcome of the whole war rested on her shoulders… Yet again.

“You already have the diary? What if Voldemort wants to see it?”

“The Malfoys have a duplicate with them.” Severus replied. “And while I may not think as badly of them as you do, I’m not stupid. They could change their minds. It’d be tragedy, yes, though at least we would already have the diary.”

They were really going to end it all, weren’t they?

Together.

“We should stop and think about what we are going to do after we have all the five horcruxes. Though I suppose it largely depends on either we can get the cup without making a fuss or not. If it is in the vault, there is no way for us to get it without raising alarm, and if so… Voldemort is going to attack Hogwarts. He’ll check everywhere else first, and then he’ll want to check if the diadem is still where he put it. Besides… He’ll think Dumbledore did it.”

Severus went to drop himself on the couch and Hermione followed.

“I guess… We’ll have to tell Dumbledore. About us. Hogwarts is a safe castle, but if it’s caught unprepared, there will be casualties. And by this, I mean _children_ will die. I may not be very fond of children, yet not to the point where I’ll sleep easy knowing that some of them died.”

“At this point, it doesn’t even matter anymore.” She replied. “It’s almost over. We should wait and see what Narcisa says about the cup, though.”

“I hope she doesn’t take too long. I already know where Potter lives, and I have the feeling Black has moved in with him, so I don’t have many excuses as to why they’re still alive. No clue where Lupin is, though, and I will keep it that way.”

“So we wait.”

“And so we wait.”

Hermione laid her head on his shoulder, and sighed.

“I want to see Lily. I… Feel really bad that I dropped off the face of Earth.”

“For good reason. No doubt she’d drag you down.” Severus entwined his fingers with hers. “That said, I’d like to check up on her. Only if you’re feeling well enough… My main concern is you.” A pause. “Always will be.”

“Well, my main concern is you, and I can see you want to visit Lily, so we will.”

Severus wrote ahead to check if Lily felt up to receiving visits, and to not show up unannounced at Petunia’s house. The answer came almost immediately: another friend would visit her in the afternoon, so that day would be the perfect occasion.

“Probably Mary MacDonald.” Severus commented. “They were friends at Hogwarts.”

What was their surprise when they saw Lupin sitting by Petunia’s living room.

“Does Pot—” Severus started.

“He has no idea I’ve been coming here.” Lupin said, right away.

“He better!” Petunia chided, gesturing for Hermione and Severus to have a seat before leaving to the kitchen. “After everything he has done to Lily, showing up here!”

Petunia was still so distraught by the situation she didn’t even react at Hermione arriving hand-in-hand with Severus.

Lily smiled at them. She had dropped a dangerous amount of weight. Her clothes hung loosely from her body, her face was hollow, and her eyes were green amidst dark purple circles.

“I was wondering where you two were.”

“I’m sorry we couldn’t come any sooner.” Hermione said, on their behalf, and sat beside Lily. “How are you doing?”

“Like crap. But I’ll live. It could be worse, you know. James could really care about finding me. He doesn’t, so I can recover in peace.”

Lily wiped away a stubborn tear. Hermione hugged her and struggled to keep her own tears at bay.

“I’m really sorry, Lily.” said Severus, having taken his seat across from her and Hermione.

“It’s okay. I’ll be okay.”

There was silence, for a moment. Until Lupin spoke to Severus:

“I’m sure you’ll ask about this: I had a falling out with James and Sirius. It’s been a long time coming, I suppose. I looked for Lily on my own and… I’ve tried to come here as often as I can.”

“Which I am grateful for, Remus.” Lily replied. “Thank you.”

Hermione exchanged a glance with Severus to check if he was picking up on what she was picking up. She had seen Lupin in love once… Severus cocked a brow to her. Yes, he noticed it, too.

“I hope Lupin has the guts to tell Lily,” he said with a laugh once they left. “He’s the right type of guy for her. Now that he finally grew some balls…”

Severus feared a visit would make Hermione feel worse. If anything, she felt content while walking down the street, with Severus’ arm around her shoulder.

She’d miss Harry. Always would.

But endings always meant new beginnings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When your fic turns into a Lily Evans/Remus Lupin out of nowhere lmao


	62. Chapter 62

Narcisa adjusted her robes a bit better. Her stomach was starting to get too big for them; she hoped Severus was right, and that Lucius wouldn’t mind the purple and red stripes across her lower stomach.

But who knew if any of them would survive to see the labor.  

“Narcisa, what a surprise. Are you feeling quite well, sister?” Bellatrix asked as she rushed Narcisa inside the Lestrange residence. “Should you even be apparating?”

“I needed to get out of the house. If Lucius had his way, I wouldn’t even adjust my position in the bed by myself. It gets tiring.”

Funny how most wealthy pureblood families’ houses looked the same. If you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all. Narcisa might as well be on her own living room, except that the Lestranges lived in a smaller house. It was dark, made darker by the dark woods of the furniture and the fact Bellatrix wouldn’t open the curtains.

Though Narcisa did so as soon as she arrived.

“Do you never let sunlight in, Bella?” The answer was a shrug. “Where is your husband, anyway?”

“Off somewhere. I don’t care.”

Narcisa was glad that she happened to fall in love with an adequate match. Otherwise, she might have been stuck in a loveless, arranged marriage like Bellatrix. Though she doubted her sister could love anyone other than the Dark Lord, a man — if he could be called that — as sadistic as her.

At least she had some love in her heart for her family…

Which would promptly vanish as soon as Narcisa got the cup from her.

“Well, I came to see you, so I’m satisfied.” She sat down by the couch. “How have you been doing?”

Bella sat beside her, looking radiant.

“I’ve been good. Good. Busy. The Dark Lord has assigned me many tasks.”

Narcisa rose a brow.

“Tasks? What do Death Eaters do so much? I never understood. It’s all so very secretive.”

“You would know if you took the Dark Mark.” Bellatrix replied. “What I can say, though, is that I’ve been trusted with a much loved possession of his and for the time being, I am trying to find a way to keep it safe.”

Really? That easy?

Bellatrix must trust Narcisa endlessly. What a mistake…

“Oh? Is it here?”

“Yes, but… I can’t keep it here. I don’t think it’s wise. It’s a very recognizable item. It’s…” Her voice lowered. “Helga Hufflepuff’s cup.”

Narcisa shifted in her spot.

“Well, then… Don’t you think it’s safe if you take it to your vault, at Gringotts? It is something people will notice, definitely. Questions will be asked. And the Dark Lord must have given it to you to hide it. You can’t quite keep it on display here, can you?”

“I suppose you’re right. I don’t wish to part ways with it, but…”

“I’ve been meaning to visit Diagon Alley for new robes. Perhaps I could accompany you to Gringotts.”

Narcisa knew it was a dangerous bet. If she couldn’t get to the cup before Bellatrix put it in the vault, then retrieving it would be become almost impossible, as Severus said. Yet it seemed to be the only way for Bellatrix to untuck it from wherever in the house that she hid it.

“We could do that.”

“Name a date. I could even go today, which seems to be the wiser choice. Will you wait for something to happen to the cup before putting it where it will be truly safe?”

Bellatrix pondered over the question for a bit.

“I suppose… I have nothing better to do at this time. Do you want to see it, before it goes down to the depths of Gringotts?”

“I would very much like to.”

Narcisa followed her sister into the attic, where the cup had been placed in a glass case.

“I’ve put all wards I could think of around this case.” Bellatrix said as she undid them, one by one. “I like to come up here and look at it.”

Of course, she would.

Narcisa waited, patient, as she plowed through all her defenses around the cup, and finally, opened the door to the case, and held it in her hands.

“To think the Dark Lord held this…”

Bellatrix’s schoolgirl crush on the Dark Lord was concerning. And it seemed to be only reason why he never laid with her. She’d like it. She’d want it. Could the Dark Lord even get hard if the other person involved in the act wasn’t struggling against binds, screaming in terror? She could fake it, Narcisa supposed. It wouldn’t be the real deal, though.  

She hoped the Dark Lord wouldn’t be too hard on her sister for letting his cup get stolen.

“Expelliarmus!”

Bellatrix flew to the other side of the attic, and must have knocked her head against the wall, because she slid to the floor, limp as a ragdoll. Narcisa ran to her and checked her pupils. She was fine. Just knocked out.

“Obliviate.”

Hoping not to bump into any house elves, Narcisa floated her sister’s limp body to the bedroom. She’d wake up and see the cup gone from the glass case. Lucius and Narcisa had maybe a couple of hours to pack up and leave the Malfoy Manor before all hell broke loose.

Narcisa wasn’t expecting to steal it so soon, but… In all honesty, even if Draco wasn’t the boy the prophecy spoke of, the Dark Lord would want him to become a Death Eater. Narcisa knew what happened to Death Eaters who slipped or got something wrong. She wouldn’t want her baby boy going through that.

And, frankly, as far as muggleborns went, they were of no consequence if the pureblood families stuck to tradition. Narcisa thought it was rather pointless to try and eliminate all of them. More would be born, either way. It’d be a thankless, non-ending job.

With the cup safely tucked into her handbag, she walked out of the Lestrange residence.

Only to hear a deafening buzz coming from the house.


	63. Chapter 63

Severus’ learning curve was steep, something Hermione was pleased with. Partly because they started out slow, the other part having to do with him staying two weeks at home and both of them being in need of comfort.

Hermione pressed her sweaty face against the pillow, laid on her stomach, knowing she’d have to tap out after that one. Severus kissed her neck, moving inside her with deep, long thrusts. He had learned how to tilt his hips just the right way to get her to orgasm and there were only so many times she could cum before wearing out — despite being a woman.

“Will we finally have breakfast after this one?” she asked.

He chuckled.

“Who knows.”

A sweet downside to dating someone half your age, Hermione supposed.

A knock on the door interrupted her train of thought.

“I’ll summarily ignore that.” Severus said, out of breath, not even slowing the pace a little.

Then came another, more insistent one.

“Severus? Severus?”

He froze, and pulled out. Good thing he didn’t like taking his clothes off. Hermione flipped over and pulled the sheets to her chin.

“Who is that?”

“Narcisa.”

“Severus?” said another voice from the outside.

“ _And_ Lucius. There is no way this will be good.”

Severus pulled his t-shirt as down as it could go, to hide the fact he was caught in a pretty awkward timing and went down the stairs. In his pajamas, no shoes, clearly covered in sweat. Hermione picked up her own pajamas from somewhere in the bed and followed.

“Oh Merlin, surely we’ve arrived at a bad time.” Narcisa said, wandering in the living room. “We won’t be long. I just came to deliver the cup and tell you that we’ll be gone from a while. And that the Dark Lord will soon know, or already knows, someone is after his horcruxes.”

“ _What_?” Hermione exclaimed as she finished climbing down the stairs.

Severus licked his lips.

“You already have the cup?”

“Of course. You think I was going to wait around?” Out of her bag, indeed she had the cup. She handed to Severus. “It was at Bellatrix’s house. I had knocked her out and obliviated her to buy us more time, though there was a ward I didn’t undo. An alarm. When I stepped out of the house with the cup, it blared and… Well. Here it is.”

“There is no time to talk.” Lucius pressed. “We should go.”

“Good bye, Severus. If everything works out well, we shall see each other soon.”

“Of course. Thank you, Narcisa.”

The Malfoy left as suddenly as they came, and Severus closed the door behind him.

Hermione went to hold the cup herself.

“Already? We need to go to Hogwarts! Now!”

“Do we at least have a time for a shower? Look at our state! I can send Dumbledore a patronus so he can prepare.”

Despite the urgency, that made Hermione pause. What would be Severus’ patronus now?

Would it still be a doe?

“Okay.”

His wand was upstairs, so he bolted that way, with Hermione on his heels, though she diverted her path to the study’s bathroom, which she still used despite sleeping in his room. She didn’t go straight there, though; she waited by the door of the study, watching the hallway.  

Until a silver pygmy falcon flew down the stairwell and vanished.

“Haha,” Hermione said to herself as she watched the tiny bird of prey disappear. “Funny, Severus.”

Within fifteen minutes, the two of them would be ready on the living room, Severus carrying the warded wooden box with the horcruxes in it. He tilted his head at her.

“When the fuck did you get the diadem?”

“Didn’t I go to Hogwarts to find Longbottom’s address?” she replied simply. “Even though I always knew it’d end at Hogwarts, I didn’t want to leave for the last minute. I’m prepared.”

“I see that.”

With that, they left.

Dumbledore waited for them at the front gates, on edge.

“How many horcruxes are there? How did you find them?” His eyes rested on Hermione. “I assume this has your contribution.”

“It has. I’m sorry, I didn’t think… It’d happen this fast. I’m really sorry. I know… This put the students here in danger and… I’m sorry.”

“The students here were already in danger, I’d wager.”

Hermione took the lead back to the castle.

“Well, I guess there is no point in me hiding anymore. I came from forty years into the future. I helped ending the second wizardry war by hunting the horcruxes myself and so, when I came back… It was the all the more easy for me. There are less horcruxes, too. Five. And I have them all.”

“Forty years.” Dumbledore echoed.

“Yes.”

“I suppose we have no time to unpack that for now. I’ve summoned the Order of the Phoenix and the students are being evacuated. Though I suppose that first we must destroy the horcruxes.”

“Indeed.” Severus replied. “We didn’t have enough space at Spinner’s End to cast Fiendfyre…”

“We should head to the Requirement Room. Plenty of space there.” Hermione said, short of breath.

Dumbledore remained quiet as they advanced through the castle. He no longer had his hands on the wheels of the vehicle.

Hermione requested a big, empty room with fire hydrants once they arrived, and in they went.

Severus’ voice echoed as he asked:

“What is this room?”

“It’s everything we want it to be.” Hermione clicked her tongue. “I’ll explain it later. Ah, there is so much to explain…”

Hermione grabbed the box from Severus’ hands and dumped all the horcruxes in a pile at the center of the room. She saw Dumbledore reaching his wand, though she was quicker. Fire started to form and grow and take up space. Hermione stepped back, reached Severus’ hand, and ran out of the room.

Dumbledore managed to close the door shut just as the flames reached for them. Through the sounds of roaring fire, they could hear the screams of the horcruxes being destroyed.

“That was… Easy.” Commented Severus, pale as a white sheet.

“Let us see how easy it will be to kill Voldemort. He will send the Death Eaters first, I think, to storm the castle, kill as many people and divert attention before he comes. We will need to endure that with no time to prepare.”

“Well, at least…” Dumbledore said. “He had no time to prepare either.”


	64. Chapter 64

Chills ran down Hermione’s spine as she walked Hogwarts’ hallways. Some were silent. In some they crossed paths with groups of students being evacuated, chattering amongst themselves. Scared to death.

No matter how old, powerful or experienced she was…

It would always frighten her. People were going to die. Young people, perhaps.

Maybe it would be her. Maybe it would be Severus.

Dumbledore lead them to a big classroom, where a bunch of Order of the Phoenix’s members awaited. Most, Hermione would say, considering the number of people. She didn’t know the great majority. Some faces, though, were familiar. Sirius. James, with a patch on his eye. Remus… Lily.

“Lily, what are you doing here? Isn’t it dangerous?” Severus said, approaching her, completely ignoring James’ presence.

“I’m well enough to fight. I can do this. I couldn’t stay at home and do nothing.”

“Lily, you really needed to—”

Dumbledore cleared his throat.

“Unexpectedly, the war will come to a close… Today.” Murmurs took up the entire room. “You might be wondering why any of us haven’t simply attempted to use a Killing Curse on Voldemort. The answer is quite simple. It wouldn’t work. His physical body would be dealt with, but his soul would remain, for he made five horcruxes, objects that hold a part of its maker’s soul. They have been found, and destroyed today, thanks to the contribution of Severus Snape and Hermione Granger, who must be a new face to many of you.”

All eyes turned to them. Severus went tense beside Hermione. She held his hand, and he returned the squeezed with an iron grip.

“And today, Voldemort will come here. And, of course, he must be defeated. I will not stop any of you from using Killing Curses, but I ask you to be careful. They can hit someone else other than your target. The main objective is to defeat and disarm him, so he can be judged—”

“And thrown into Azkaban for life!” retorted someone from the back of the room.

“Precisely.”

Severus’ grip on Hermione’s hand got stronger, to the point he was hurting her. Hermione looked up to him and his eyes were glassy, his lips were pressed tight as not to quiver. Was he being summoned?

“Well, I’d like to see that motherfucker dead!” Sirius exclaimed, to which Dumbledore replied:

“Careful with the heroics, Sirius.”

Sirius and James would try to land the killing blow, Hermione was certain of it. She only hoped they wouldn’t fail…

“Since this is all last-minute, we need to devise a plan—”

Severus dry heaved and bolted out of the room, covering his mouth with a hand. Hermione gasped and followed, to find him hunched over a few steps ahead in the hallway, spewing bile on the stone floor. They hadn’t had breakfast…

She ran to him, conjuring a handkerchief. She extended it to him as she stroked his back.

“Are you being summoned?” she asked in a whisper.

He took the tissue and nodded. He attempted to clean his mouth but kept dry heaving, and shaking… He could barely stand.

Hermione should have vanished the Dark Mark sooner. While Severus leaned against the wall, covering his mouth as to not be sick again, she took his arm and unbuttoned the sleeve to expose the Dark Mark.

It was hard to vanish the Dark Mark if his arm couldn’t stay still… After a couple of tries, she managed to undo all the magical bins placed on him. His shaking quieted, and he finally managed to wipe his mouth.

“Sorry. That was gross.” he said.

“I should have—”

A gasp.

Lily stood several steps from them.

“You’re a Death Eater!” she said, under her breath. “You—”

“Lily, I can explain.”

“You’re a Death Eater!” Lily said again, louder this time.

With the door to the classroom opened, people poured out. Remus, and then Sirius and finally… James. Who wiped out his wand and didn’t wait for an explanation to start throwing hexes.

“Dumbledore had just said—” Remus protested, as Hermione pulled Severus’ away, running.

“He’s a Death Eater!” Sirius replied.

As if Dumbledore hadn’t _just_ said Severus helped to find the horcruxes, as Remus noted… But it didn’t matter to Sirius and James. They wanted a reason to stir trouble, and they found it.

And Severus wasn’t in position to fight back. Hermione just ran away with him, though he barely kept her pace. She threw hexes, and placed wards and magical traps behind her as she did as many turns as possible. After a while, she stopped hearing them coming.

Still, she kept the speed, towards the Requirement Room.

“We have to get back and… And explain.” Severus said, weak.

“As if James and Sirius will let you! They are hungry for blood, didn’t you see? I’m not letting them get close to you! Dumbledore won’t stop them, and you know it!”

There was no argument against that.

“Where… Where are we going?”

“The Requirement Room again. It was where Voldemort hid the diadem. I assume he’ll head there once he arrives. If we’ve had time… I could have told Dumbledore this and station more people, but…”

Oh, this was awful. The Order would be fighting amongst themselves instead of preparing. And they wouldn’t know a key piece of information.

“I thought…” she panted. “I thought it’d be _easier_. How many people are going to die because of this?”

They arrived in one piece at the spot. The Room of Hidden Things was overwhelming, but Hermione went, sure-footed, to where the diadem used to be, with Severus in tow, gaping at the immensity of the space, and the number of things tucked away in there.

“The diadem used to be here…” Hermione said, pointing to a mannequin head, now without anything on its head.

“So this room just… Changes.”

“Yes. This is what appears when people wish for a place to hide things.”

“So will we wait here? For Voldemort?”

Hermione nodded.

“It will be just us against Voldemort, then.”

She reached for his hand.

“It’s always been us.”

Severus took a deep breath.

“Then can I wish for a place to rinse this terrible taste out of my mouth so I can kiss you?”


	65. Chapter 65

Hermione lost track of time, sitting amongst junk. She could almost pretend to be at Spinner’s End — somehow Severus found a strategically located couch for them so sit —, cuddling in silence with Severus.

No doubt a battle unraveled outside. They were well insulated against sounds from the exterior, though.

“I’m going to do it.” Severus said. “I will kill Voldemort.”

“We don’t need to _kill_ him.”

“We do. He has buddies inside the Ministry and outside of it, too. They’ll break him out if he goes to Azkaban. He can keep playing the strings even while in there. There will be no peace, as long as he’s alive.”

More moments of silence. Hermione cuddled closer to Severus.

“How did he die? In your past?”

“By a Killing Curse of his own. It bounced back on him. Harry was amazing in combats…”

“So he killed himself?”

“Yes.”

“Well, that was convenient. I doubt we can be so lucky twice.”

“Technically, we haven’t been this lucky yet. So who knows.”

There was a bitter taste on the back of Hermione’s mouth. Severus was right. Voldemort had to go, but… That required someone to do it. She wasn’t sure she could do it. And she wasn’t sure Severus would do it, either…

He did kill Dumbledore, in Hermione’s past, but… He was a completely different person, under terrible circumstances — after being under such circumstances for years.

This Severus was too tender, for it. Too soft.

And that why she fell in love with him.

“We’ll think about it when the time comes. There is still a chance for him to be dealt with before he arrives here.”

Severus sighed.

“You know this won’t happen, love.”

She knew. And kissed him, and said:

“I love you. No matter what.”

“You must know I’m doomed — or should I say blessed — to love you forever.” he replied. “I’m not joking.”

Hermione knew he wasn’t.

There was nothing else to be said. She leaned against him and there she stayed until the doors of the Room of Hidden Things flung open. They leaped out of the couch and tip-toed to their hiding space, in a tiny cramped hole amongst cabinets, with view to the mannequin head. Good thing they were both skinny.

Soon Voldemort would be standing before the head. He roared and slapped the head away.

Severus slipped out of the hiding place before Hermione could say anything.

“Looking for something, my Lord?”

“You!” The Dark Lord seethed. “You were behind all this!”

Voldemort didn’t want any explanations for everything that happened. All Hermione could see after that were bright green flashes; she gasped and left hiding, but Severus and Voldemort were already nowhere to be seen, lost in the middle of the towers of lost things.

Not so sure where she was anymore, she kept following the noises of battle, but also kept taking wrong turns. Her steps leaded her astray. Severus was powerful, but not enough to stop Voldemort for very long.

Unless he killed Voldemort and…

Hermione doubted that.

Then her ears burned.

And she went ahead, following the tug created by Severus’ summon. Sometimes, she’d take a turn that seemed to be wrong, and it ended taking her closer to where the combat happened. She cloaked herself, and kept moving forward, running, out of breath.

Afraid to arrive too late.

She picked up a loud thud. And a yell of pain.

She ran, and ran, and found Voldemort standing in front of Severus lying on the floor. Still alive, trying to reach his wand.

Voldemort kicked the wand away.

Hermione wiped her own wand, invisible. Unseen. There was nothing else left to do. It all had to end and the sight of Severus defenseless struck a chord in her that had rarely been struck before.

“Avada Kedrava!”

A flash of green light.

Voldemort fell, dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lmao thanks for the fish people!
> 
> Glad to share this hell of a ride with you all!
> 
> Lemme know if you want an epilogue.


	66. Chapter 66

_Two Years Later_

Hermione walked into the apartment to find Severus staring dumbfounded at a letter, sat at the kitchen table.

“Baby, what is wrong?”

He threw the letter across the kitchen.

“Potter’s dead.”

“What?”

“Potter’s dead.” Severus said. “Lily just wrote me. She wants me to go to his funeral. What I’m going to do there? Spit on the coffin? I’d dance on the grave, but…”

He made a wide gesture towards his cane. He made out alive. Not unscathed, though. Voldemort smashed his hip in, and now he couldn’t walk without aid. Or dance, unless he learned how to do it with a cane.

“I think she just wants your support.” Hermione replied as she put away her work bag and sat down. “Regardless of how problematic he was, she used to love him. How… How did he die?”

Though she already knew the answer. Of course, she hadn’t seen him or spoken to him since the end of the war, but accidentally killing your best friend with a Killing Curse would drive anyone mad.

Even James.  

“He killed himself. Flew up high with a broomstick and…”

“Yes, Lily just wants a friend with her. She has Remus, but you’re her best friend as much as he is. And you can’t deny it to me that she is your best friend, too.”

“What? Her? No. You are.”

“It’s fine to have friendships, Severus. It’s healthy. You should have best friends other than me. I’m trying to find my own friendships, as you know. Everyone in the office is so _young_ , though.”

Hermione was right back at Law Enforcement, starting from the ground because without documentation, there was no written proof of how far she got into the department before becoming an Unspeakable… And travelling forty years into the past.

“Well, they can’t be younger than me. And I’m your boyfriend.”

He still wore the ring Hermione gave him. On his ring finger, though…

“And you alone exhaust me.”

“I sure hope any new friends you’ll find don’t wear you out like I do.” Severus said.

“That won’t happen.” A pause. “So. Will you to the funeral or not?”

“Only if you come, too. To support me. And stop me from spitting on his face in the middle of the service because Merlin willing, I shall.”

Hermione nodded with a snort. She couldn't hold that against him...

“Of course.”

He leaned over the table to kiss her.

The day of the funeral, despite his claims otherwise, he was on his best behavior, for Lily’s sake. Not that she loved James still, though regardless it was a tragic death. And he had been her first husband.

He laid on the coffin, cold. Dead. The coffin had been set up with pretty flowers on top of a table, beside the open grave.

Not many people at his service. Certainly no one who would make a personal speech about him.

“Remus organized this whole entire thing, really.” Lily confided in a whisper as they stood about. “I was the one contacted because all this time he refused to sign the damn papers to let me go, so right up until he died… I was still Lily Potter. But I couldn’t do it. Remus has more nerves than I do.”

“I assume now Remus is free to propose to you as he has been meaning to do for a year now.” Severus replied.

Lily nodded.

“I feel bad that I don’t feel bad. Am I… Too terrible?”

“If you wish to meet me later so we can dance on his grave…” Severus whispered to her.

They shared a chuckle. If anything, after they reached the same page on James, they became thick as thieves. Besides... Severus found a new appreciation for her after being forgiven for everything. 

“Hermione, Severus.” said Lupin, approaching the group. “I’m glad that you’re here. I suppose we can all be callous together.”

“You have called the right people.” Hermione replied.

Lupin shook his head with a sigh.

“We’re waiting for Dumbledore to show up and close the deal. I didn’t find anyone else willing to say parting words to him. I… I wouldn’t have the stomach. What was I to say?” Another sigh. “That there is beauty amongst tragedy? Because by that I will mean that my girlfriend is officially single now that he’s gone. And if anything…”

Lupin and Lily exchanged a glance.

“Shall I tell them?” she asked to him.

“Well, it’s your decision.”

 “I’m pregnant. Found out last week.” she said. “Though… It’s still too early to say if… You know. But, still. I’m pregnant. And now I can get married to the father.”

Hermione couldn’t help smiling. It was Lily’s dream coming true, finally…

“See, we needed you two to come. Otherwise, we’d stuck out being so happy at a funeral.” Lupin added.

Severus rested his hand on the small of Hermione’s back and replied:

“It is our pleasure.”

Though he still paled at the sight of James’ body. They were burying him with the glasses and all.

“This new future is so strange.” Hermione muttered to Severus, taking him away from the body. “And so… Wonderful. Despite the losses.”

“Well, I’m not mourning _this_ loss. And as far as Harry goes, it seems we’ll have a new one. With well-adjusted parents, so… It wasn’t all that bad, was it?”

Hermione said no with her head.

“Not at all.” She leaned against his torso and said: “And you know what? If I were to do this all over again… I wouldn’t change a thing.”

Severus snorted and pulled her closer.

“You won’t get to do this again. You’ll stay here and… You’ll marry me. You’ll need a new surname in a few years so I will gladly give you mine.”

Right. There was another Hermione Granger growing up in the muggle world.

Unfortunately, there wouldn’t be a Severus Snape for her…

“Yes, Severus. Of course I will marry you. Though…” She paused. “Can you please repeat the question when we’re _not_ a funeral?”

“Come on, it’s Potter’s funeral. Might as well be a party.”

“Severus!”

He laughed in response, a little too loud for the occasion.

“I’m sorry. I’ll ask again.”

“In a couple of years.”

“ _Fine_.”

Hermione looked up to him and stroked his cheek. Despite the disagreements, they’d be okay.

It would all be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didn't think ppl would care much to know what happened to James and Sirius but... Here ya go lmao
> 
> Now it's over!


End file.
